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American By Birth(s)

, , , , | Friendly | March 16, 2016

(I just moved back to my home town. My mom and I are shopping. My mom walks away to get something while I am standing with the cart. A Muslim couple walks in. The woman is wearing a hijab. Another couple I know who live in my town, who are known to be racist, walks into the store, as well.)

Racist: “Go home, you d*** terrorist! This is a Christian nation! You foreigners are taking food stamps and welfare away from pure white Americans who need it!”

Woman: “I hope you know that I am American and I was born in the United States.”

Racist: “Yeah, right. The only true Americans are Christians!”

(I feel the need to intervene.)

Me: “You are not acting very Christian-like! Jesus loves everyone!” *to the Muslim woman* “I am sorry, miss. Not all us are like this.”

Woman: “I know, sweetheart.”

(My mother comes back and then gasps.)

Mother: “I can’t believe it!” *grabs my arm and pulls me towards the Muslim woman* “Honey, this woman is the doctor that delivered you as a baby!”

Woman: “Oh, wow! How are old are you now?”

Me: “21.”

Woman: “Wait, are you by any chance [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, I am!”

Woman: “You are the first baby I ever delivered! I never forgot the name of the first baby I delivered!”

(The racist couple huffed and stomped off while we all caught up!)

Won’t Be Checking Out With This Cart

, , , , , , | Right | December 8, 2015

(I have been operating a business for the past year where I buy merchandise from auctions, etc. and sell them on Craigslist. I’ve got seven years of customer service under my belt, so I know how to deal with people. The following conversation occurs through text messages. He contacts me about a janitorial cart I have listed for $75.)

Craigslister: “Do you still have your janitor cart still for sale to make an offer on?”

Me: “Hi there! Yes, it’s still available. I won’t be around tomorrow but my boyfriend will be here all day if you’d like to come check it out.”

Craigslister: “Will you ask him if he will take $30 for it?”

Me: “Definitely not. The lowest we can go is $60. They sell in store for over $100 and this one hasn’t been used. If you can do $60 we have a deal.”

Craigslister: “Highest I’ll do is $40. They’ve got almost new ones on Craigslist for $50.”

Me: “And my new one is for $60, no almost about it. But there’s no use haggling. Your mind is made up. Best of luck to you.”

Craigslister: “I actually wanted one so I could make my grandpa a fishing cart for his birthday. So no use being a jerk. If it’s so new you should return it.”

Me: “I’m not being a jerk. If you won’t do my asking price, you don’t need to point out what others are selling it for. If you can find it for less, why even ask me? I think it’s a sweet idea what you’re doing but you’re not going to coerce me into selling it for next to nothing because others have it for $10 less than I’m willing to go. Get it from them then and be done.”

Craigslister: “You must be a woman.”

Me: “You must be an idiot.”

Craigslister: “Nah, the idiot is gonna be the guy that buys the cart. You’re probably an illegal, if anything. Who buys janitorial supplies? Or you stole it.”

Me: “You’re funny. This is my business. I buy and sell things on Craigslist. I deal with people like you all the time. You think that by telling me someone has it for cheaper that I will lower my price. Just get it from them, then! Don’t waste my time. I really don’t care what you’re going to do with it. If you don’t like my price, move on. Don’t attempt to insult me because I won’t take half price for it. That’s your problem, not mine.”

Craigslister: “Yup, I was totally right. You’re illegal. Go back to Mexico.”

(My blood was boiling at this point, so I decided to just walk away from it. After cooling down several hours later, I posted an ad on Craigslist in Spanish asking for yard work with his phone number as the contact. I giggled and have now moved on with my life.)


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He’ll Get It Slower Than A Speeding Bullet

, , | Right | October 17, 2015

(I am working the firearm counter at a well known sporting goods store. It is early in the morning, so I’m cleaning the cases when a man approaches.)

Man: “Hey, honey. You got anyone working at these here guns?”

(I assume he thinks I’m maintenance since I’m cleaning.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I am. What can I help with today?”

Man: *guffaw* “No, honey. I need someone who can sell me one’a these here guns.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am certified to do that. What were you interested in?”

Man: *looks visibly uncomfortable* “You ain’t got nobody else here?”

Me: “No. We usually only have the one person in the morning. Can I help you with something?”

Man: “I need a .22.”

Me: “We have several in stock of different manufacturers.”

Man: “I’m looking for a .22, honey. It’s a rifle.”

Me: *becoming annoyed* “Yes, I know. Which manufacturer or model are you interested in?”

Man: “I’ll just come back by when y’all got someone working who knows what I’m lookin’ fer.”

Me: “Sir, none of our employees are telepathic. If you don’t know what you want, chances are that we won’t either!”

Thankful For Diwali

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2015

(I work customer service for a large Canadian grocery retailer. This exchange takes place just around Thanksgiving, when we had signs for Diwali and Halloween as well.)

Customer: “Excuse me! What are these signs?”

(She gestures to the purple signs above a display of flowers which read ‘Happy Diwali’.)

Me: “Those are signs for Diwali. It’s the Indian Festival of Lights, celebrated by a billion-plus people worldwide.”

Customer: “Take it down.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Take it down. I don’t like it. How racist.”

Me: “I assure you the holiday is not racist, as everyone is invited to participate if they would like to, and the deals we have for the holiday are applicable to all customers.”

Customer: “But I don’t get to participate! I don’t like it. I want you to take it down.”

Me: “Well, do you celebrate Thanksgiving?”

Customer: “Yes. But these people are—”

Me: “—These people may not celebrate Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or Christmas, and we are an equal opportunity employer, so we accommodate several cultures and their respective traditions. As well as Diwali, we market for Chinese New Year’s and Eid.

Customer: “You must take this sign down, or I will be calling head office.”

Me: “You can get their number at the customer service desk. Head Office sent us these signs. They also wished their Indian employees a Happy Diwali. If you have any other questions, I’ll be happy to help; otherwise, I’m afraid we cannot continue this discussion.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll call them! I’ll be sure to give them your name, too!”

Me: “That’s quite all right with me. My name is [distinctly North Indian name] and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Diwali, as well!”


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Bigotry Is Not On The Menu

, , , , , , | Right | March 24, 2015

(A few years ago I was working as a hostess in a restaurant. One night, two men come in and ask for a table. I lead them to an available one.)

Older Man: “We can’t sit at this table.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there something wrong?”

Older Man: “We just can’t sit here; move us somewhere else.”

(I’m confused, as the table I was seating them at was actually our most popular one. I start walking toward a manager to ask where I should move them, when the two young, clean, nicely-dressed men at the next table happen to get up to leave.)

Older Man: “It’s okay! We can sit here now!”

(I realize this guy assumed the two young men were gay, and could apparently not eat in their vicinity. I relate what happened to my (gay) manager and the (straight) server.)

Manager: “[Server], you’re only allowed to talk to these guys as if you’re the gayest person on this planet.”

(I will never forget the look of horror on the men’s faces when the server, a huge, beefy black man, started telling them the specials while sounding like a drag queen.)

 

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