(The store where I work has a designated checkout lane as the express lane, though we aren’t usually strict about it, and I’ve never heard anyone loudly complain when someone else comes through with more than six items. I’m currently helping a couple of customers who both sound foreign but speak English; they have many more than six items. This happens while we’re waiting for a number so I can ring up one of the items.)

Next Customer: “Are you able to read English? Can’t you tell this is six items or less?” *gestures towards my register light*

Me: “Americans have come through here with more than six items.”

Next Customer: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Don’t pick on them just because they sound foreign.”

(The next customer scoffed at me, but otherwise didn’t say anything more about it.)

(It’s a Sunday evening and we’re having a big sale, so the store is quite busy. We have a lull in the customer waves and an elderly lady approaches my counter. I ring up her items and the following ensues:)

Me: “Okay, your total is $56.09 with your 30% off; do you have your [Store charge card]?”

Customer: “Yep! It’s right here!”

(She hands me the card and I try to scan it through. A bigger man in a yellow shirt with a baby carriage sits at the register across from me. I try three times to scan the card, even typing in the number, but no dice.)

Me: “It seems your card isn’t going through!”

Customer: “Oh! I haven’t used it in a couple of years!”

Me: “Let me call my supervisor over here.”

(I call my supervisor over. He’s a little flamboyant but has never disclosed his sexual orientation. After telling me to have her reapply, she starts to do so. The man in the yellow shirt gets up and proceeds to angrily walk away.)

Yellow Shirt Man: “What is it with the men in this store all being f****** [homophobic slur]s?!”

(He walks out into the outer area and sits on a bench. The elderly lady turns to me with a frown.)

Customer: “I don’t get why he had to be so f****** vulgar! I mean was that even necessary? D***!”

(I stifled a laugh as she finished her transaction. That little old lady made my day!)

(I am making a drink for a middle-aged, male customer.)

Customer: “Thank God you guys are open, or else America would be asleep!”

Me: “Very true!”

(I continue to make his drink, all while talking to a coworker. I am telling her about how hard chemistry is for me in my university courses. The man must overhear me. As I hand him his drink, he says:)

Customer: “Women are only good for making babies, anyway.”

Coworker & Me: *speechless*

(When my fiancé and I are planning our wedding, we attend a wedding show at the local convention centre. Pretty much every kiosk has a contest, and we enter every single one, hoping to win something cool. A few weeks later, we get a call from an unknown number. We’ve won a trip to the Bahamas! And all we have to do is give them our credit card number for “processing fees” and attend a “brief” two-hour presentation on timeshares. How lucky can you get? Alarm bells instantly start ringing in my head, but my fiancé — who’s extremely intelligent but can be a little naïve at times — has already gotten his card out and is preparing to read off the numbers. I wave at him frantically and he stop.)

Caller: “Yes? Sir? I need the rest of your card’s numbers.”

Me: “It’s a scam. Don’t do it.”

Fiancé: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Remember that [Broadcast] exposé on scammers? If you have to pay any money for a prize, it’s not a legitimate contest.”

Fiancé: “Crap, you’re right.”

Caller: “Sir?”

Fiancé: “Never mind. We don’t want the trip.”

Caller: *incredulously* “What?! You don’t want a free trip to the Bahamas? You’re joking.”

Fiancé: “We’re not joking, and I’m hanging up now.”

Caller: “Wait! My supervisor would like to talk to you.”

Fiancé: “What for?”

Caller: “One moment, please, sir.”

Supervisor: “Hello? My employee tells me that you’re turning down a free trip to the Bahamas, but that can’t be right.”

Fiancé: “We’re definitely turning it down, because this is a scam.”

Supervisor: *offended tone* “I beg your pardon? This is no scam, sir.”

Fiancé: “Yeah, well, my fiancée is sure that it is, and I trust her.”

Supervisor: “Sir, ask yourself this question. Who wears the pants in your household?”

Fiance: “What did you just say?”

Supervisor: *oblivious* “I mean, you’re not even married yet. Is this the way you want your married life to go? Your wife telling you what to do?”

Fiancé: *starts laughing*

Supervisor: “What’s so funny?”

Fiancé: “Oh, man. If you ever had a chance of getting my credit card info from me, you just blew it. Bye.” *hangs up*

(I’m riding the bus with my partner and a friend of ours who’s a few years younger than us. We’re all in our twenties and very nerdy. We’re making silly jokes about sorting the crew of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” into Hogwarts houses or something when another passenger turns around and looks at us. He’s an older man wearing a Hawaiian shirt, not very well-groomed, and reeking of cigarettes. He directs the following remarks to my partner, completely ignoring our friend and me:)

Stranger: “Hey, you!”

Partner: “Um, yes?”

Stranger: *in a weirdly sneering, accusatory tone* “What’s your job?”

Partner: “I work in publishing.”

Stranger: *clearly a bit thrown by my partner having a “real” job, but forging on anyway* “Well, do you know anything about securities?”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “You don’t.”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “Why not?”

Partner: “It’s not my job.”

Stranger: “Oh. Huh. Well. I just thought… uh, you sounded like a real smart guy there, so I thought you might know something about it.”

Partner: “Nope.”

(The stranger gets off the bus at the next stop and I start laughing.)

Friend: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Well, you remember how earlier today I was having lunch with my friend from high school, the one who’s a lawyer? And how I invited her to come along with us, too, but she couldn’t make it?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Well, clearly El Rando there was going after [Partner] because he thought he was the ‘alpha male’ of our group or something. But [High School Friend] actually specializes in banking law… with an emphasis on securities. She’s gonna be so grumpy she missed on an opportunity to lecture some sexist old man about legal technicalities.”