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The War Of 1812 Revisited

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old Man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old Man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No, sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old Man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F****** ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F****** JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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Not Always Right On So Many Levels

, , , | Right | July 8, 2008

(A customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)

Disabled Customer: “You god-d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”

Cashier: *totally shocked*

(I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”

Disabled Customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”

Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”

Disabled Customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”

(She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)

Another Customer: “Wait, did she just call you black?”

(She did end up calling the corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs. To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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Read the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

Only In LA

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(This is an adult store in Los Angeles. Enter a fat, balding guy in his 40s.)

Guy: “Hello, Miss.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Guy: “Do you have any–HOLY S***! You’re a girl!”

Me: “I am?”

Guy: “Shouldn’t you be at home, getting ready for your husband, cooking or something?”

Me: “I burn salads. My WIFE tends to cook more.”

Guy: “Holy s***! You’re a heathen!”

Me: “Doom upon me. What was it you wanted?”

Guy: “Whatever. Got any Bibles?”

Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2008

(A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”

Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”

Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”

Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Tourist: “Cuban?”

Me: “No.”

Tourist: “What are you, then?”

Me: “I’m Native American.”

Tourist: “So am I.”

(She’s white as notebook paper.)

Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”

Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”

Me: “Just take your change.”


This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

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What Happens When You Assume

, , | Right | June 17, 2008

(I worked at a shop that did passport photos. There was a fifteen-minute wait on the pictures, so people normally just left and came back…)

Me: “That’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll come back. Do you need my name?”

Me: “No, I don’t need it.”

Customer: “You little snot. It’s ’cause there’s a black man in here!”

Me: “Sir, I am not racist. ”

Customer: “Oh, sure you’re not, you racist snot.”

Me: “Sir, I have your picture. That’s why I do not need your name.”

(The customer walked out and I never saw him again.)