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What Is This Culturally Monolithic Country Coming To

, , , , , , | Right | August 20, 2008

Me: “Good evening, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a good movie.”

Me: “Of course. I recommend Pan’s Labyrinth; it was excellent.”

Coworker: “You are aware that this movie has subtitles.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that?”

Coworker: “The words at the bottom you have to read. It’s in Spanish.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that? We’re in America; we don’t speak Spanish! I want it in American!”

(He storms off and promptly returns with ‘Apocalypto.’)

Me: “Sir, you do know this movie has subtitles, too?”

Customer: “What the f***? What is this country coming to? When did we become another country?! I want a god-d*** American movie! Where are the American movies?”

Me: “The store is full of movies made in America.”

(He walks back up about ten minutes later with ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ in his hand.)

Customer: “This is the movie by Clint Eastwood, right?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “And it’s really good, too.”

Customer: “Clint Eastwood is a real American. He knows what I like!”

(I gave a look to my coworker who didn’t say anything that time, and we rented him the movie. Too bad ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ is all in Japanese with English subtitles.)


This story is part of the Scared-Of-Subtitles roundup!

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Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

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Idiotic Costume Ideas, Vol. 1

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

(A man comes into the store. He’s covered in tattoos, sporting a buzz cut and a solid gold grill, and wearing a wife-beater. He comes up to me.)

Man: “Uh, yeah, do you guys have a KKK costume?”

Me: “No… no, we don’t.”

Man: “Oh, uh, do you know where I could get one?”

Me: *repulsed* “I guess you could make one, but you’re not going to find it in any store in town.”

(He walks off, but returns about five minutes later.)

Man: “Do you have a Lorena Bobbitt costume?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: *leaves*

Coworker: “Who the h*** would WANT one?!”

She Said, He Said

, , , | Right | July 31, 2008

(I’m the electronics specialist at my store, and all electronic products go through me at some point before they are put out on the floor.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a video game for my son. Can you find someone to help me with that?”

Me: “Oh, sure. Which game system did you want it for?”

Customer: “Oh no, not you. Can you find someone else? ”

Me: “Well, there’s nobody else in this department right now who has access to the video games. It’s gonna have to be me.”

Customer: “I mean, you’re a GIRL. What do you know? I demand that someone with more… well, I want a guy to help me. I’ll wait.”

Me: “Sure… I’ll call someone to come over.”

(I call over my male co-worker on the walkie who arrives about ten minutes later. My coworker gives me a weird look.)

Coworker: “Okay… what did you need, sir?”

(The customer starts rattling off a ton of technical questions about the compatibility of certain games and accessories, as well as questions about the content of each game.)

Coworker: “Uhh… I don’t really know. You should ask her. She IS the Electronics Specialist…”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW?! She’s… a… GIRL! Well, I still want you to help me.”

(My coworker and I follow this customer around for about twenty minutes as he asks questions to my coworker, who in turn asks ME. When I answer, the customer tunes out, so that my coworker has to repeat what I said.)

Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”


This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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Definitely Not Right

, , , , , | Right | July 26, 2008

(Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Ice Cream Shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

(The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I’m gay.”

Customer: “Oh, my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

Customer: “Oh, my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

Me: *to Coworker* “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

Coworker: “You should put that on NotAlwaysRight.”

Me: “I think I will.”

(She never did call our manager.)