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America: Land Of The Delusional

, | Right | December 12, 2011

(I am an Asian-American girl without any accent. I’m working the information desk in a busy, urban hospital setting. An older, kindly woman approaches my desk.)

Woman: *in a perfect Irish brogue* “I just wanted to ask you a question.”

Me: “Sure. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “Are you American?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Woman: *smiles kindly* “No, you’re not.” *walks away*

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Love Is In The Mix

, , , | Romantic | December 7, 2011

(I’m meeting my boyfriend on a pier to watch the Fourth of July fireworks. It’s a very popular location in a predominately Hispanic neighborhood. Though I don’t look very Hispanic, I am. My boyfriend is Nordic. An old man starts talking to my boyfriend before I find him.)

Old man: “There sure are a lot of people here today, aren’t there?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, well, it’s the Fourth of July.”

Old man: “There are a lot of them Hispanics, too, aren’t there?”

Boyfriend: “I guess?”

Old man: “The women are nice to look at, aren’t they? You know, you can look, that’s fine. But you can’t marry them. Imagine if you had mixed children with them! They’re taking over our country!”

Boyfriend: “Actually, my girlfriend is Hispanic.”

Old man: “Well, sleeping with them is fine. Just don’t marry them or have kids with them!”

(My boyfriend is speechless. I find him and walk up. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me sweetly.)

Boyfriend: *to me “Hi, my dear. I missed you.” *to the old man* “This is my girlfriend.”

Old man: “She looks like a nice white girl.”

Boyfriend: “Actually, she’s half Puerto Rican. She’s one of those ‘mixed children’.”

(He keeps his arms around me, clearly indicating that we’re not just ‘sleeping together’. He stalks off, mumbling about mixed children and Hispanics.)

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Bow-Wow Bigotry

, | Right | December 2, 2011

(At the doggie daycare, one of the play rooms has a glass window where customers can watch the dogs playing. We have a three-legged dog that is a daily regular in this playroom. I am working at the front desk. A customer, looking somewhat distressed, approaches the desk with a small child, who looks very distressed.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could remove that three-legged dog from the playroom for just a few minutes. My daughter wants to watch the dogs, but the three-legged one is freaking her out.”

Me: “I…I’m sorry ma’am, but we cannot remove her. She is a regular here and she is getting along well with the other dogs. Her owner has paid us to let her play in there. We will not remove her because someone feels uncomfortable with her appearance.”

Customer: “Fine. I guess you all don’t care about your customers after all!” *huffs off*

Me: *speechless*

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The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

, , | Right | August 9, 2011

(Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She has never given incorrect change for the year she works there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Well–”

Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

(The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

 

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Pseudo-Named And Shamed

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2011

(I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on.)

Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “The author.”

Me: “I’m the author.”

Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”


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