Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

, , , | Right | January 24, 2008

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [Pet Insurance]. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

Me: “Okay… have you tried calling your bank?”

Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so, unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

Me: *sigh*


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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Dirty Minds

, , , | Right | December 22, 2007

(A customer calls requesting a cable.)

Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy?”

Me: *knowing what is coming next and not caring* “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

Me: “Sorry, that is just an industry standard term.”

Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

Me: “Sounds good.”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Bitter Racism, Please Meet Sweet Irony

, , | Right | November 12, 2007

(Customer runs in frantically.)

Customer: “How much is y’all’s gas?”

Me: “It’s posted outside, $2.78 a gallon.”

Customer: “D*** SAND NI**ERS ALWAYS HIKING UP GAS! I’M GOING DOWN THE STREET!”

(Returns ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Let me get ten on pump three.”

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My, Aren’t We Feeling Ethnocentric Today?

, , , | Right | November 7, 2007

Travel Store Customer: “Do you have any globes that have the United States bigger? I don’t need all this Africa, I just really want the US and Europe.”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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… And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

, , , | Right | November 7, 2007

Customer: “Are you Hispanic?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Middle Eastern?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Egyptian?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What are you?”

Me: “Chinese.”

(customer puts on offended face)

Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”

Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!”

Me: *mouth wide open*

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