Bigotry Is Impatient

, , , , | Friendly | September 11, 2017

(I live an a pretty diverse neighborhood. I have just gotten into the line at the DMV, when a woman gets in line behind me. We are the only two white people in the short line, which we will get through within five minutes.)

Her: *whispering to me* “Don’t you just wish that immigration control would storm in and shorten this line up for us?”

(I turn to see her smiling at me, waiting for me to respond in agreement.)

Me: “I’m not too concerned about how long the line is. I’m just bothered I have to deal with a racist old bag while I wait.”

(She scoffed and looked away. She spent the remainder of the wait muttering to herself about how she would have to pay for all the insurance for THOSE people, and that they were just going to end up running over white kids.)

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Because Cancer Totally Beats Being Yourself

, , , , , | Related | September 11, 2017

(I’m a trans woman in my mid-twenties. I’ve been out to my parents for about six years at this point, but haven’t been able to start transitioning. A few days before this, I finally figured out how I can start transition and have talked to my mother to let her know where I’m at with everything. It’s Dad’s turn now, so I start telling him that I’m planning on transitioning and we have a long chat about it. When the chat’s basically over, I go to get a cigarette. My dad’s never really liked the fact that I smoke, so I turn back as an afterthought.)

Me: “For what it’s worth, at least I’ll have to quit smoking.”

Dad: “For what it’s worth, I think I’d rather you smoked.”

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Things Are About To Take A Dark Tone

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2017

(I’m the only dark-skinned person working in my branch. I’m pretty used to snide commentary from customers, but this one…)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir!”

Customer: “Wow, I’ve never gotten any brown sugar lovin’ before! Come give me a kiss!” *makes a kissy face at me*

Me: *too dumbfounded to speak*

Customer: “I’m just kidding, I need to deposit these.”

Me: *still so dumbfounded that I run his transaction and send him on his way without speaking another word*

Coworker: “I cannot believe that just happened.”

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Beat The Entitlement Before You Beat The Level

, , , , | Friendly | September 5, 2017

(I am going to visit my grandparents in India for the summer. The first leg of our trip is from one city in the US to another. On the airplane, I have brought my portable console, which is new and is in high-demand. That means whenever I bring it around, people ask if they can play on it. Due to a mix-up on the plane, all of my family is sitting in different places except for my sleeping sister and me.)

Me: *playing game*

Little Kid: “Whoa! Is that [New Console]? Can I play?”

Me: “Okay, after I finish this level.”

(The little kid seems fine with this. But suddenly, his mother butts in.)

Mother: “Hey, [Kid], do you want to play on that man’s console?”

Little Kid: “Yeah, but he’s beating a level right now.”

Mother: *suddenly extremely angry* “What the heck? Excuse me, let my child play his game!”

Me: “Oh, no, he can play, but I’m in the middle of a level right now. Right now he’s watching me play.”

Little Kid: “Whoa! What weapon is that? That’s not in multiplayer, is it?”

Me: “No, but you can unlock it in-“

Mother: “I can’t BELIEVE you! Why are you not letting him play?”

Me: “Because I am in the middle of finishing a level…”

Mother: “But WHY? I don’t care about your stupid game; just let my child play!”

Me: *pauses game* “Uhh….”

Mother: “IF YOU DON’T LET MY CHILD PLAY HIS GAME, I’LL GET UP AND TAKE IT FROM YOU!”

Me: “It’s not his game. It’s my game.”

Mother: “WAIT! YOU LIAR! THAT’S [Kid]’s GAME! THAT’S HIS CONSOLE! YOU STOLE IT FROM HIM!”

Little Kid: “No, Mom, I have the other console, remember? The game he’s playing is the sequel to the game I have.”

Mother: “NOT RIGHT NOW, [Kid]!” *reaches for my game*

Me: *jerks back* “What the h***?”

(Now, the little kid is in between me and his mom, so she can’t really reach me from where she’s sitting. Realizing her efforts are in vain, she starts mashing the button to call a flight attendant.)

Me: “The plane is going up right now. I don’t think the flight attendant is going to come.”

Mother: *unbuckles her seat-belt and starts getting up*

Little Kid: “Whoa! Mom! Stop it!”

Mother: *literally FALLS onto her kid since the plane is going up*

Little Kid: “Stop!” *screams*

(This is enough to wake my sister up. The kid’s mom manages to squirm her way back into her seat, and continues to spout insults and threats.)

Mother: “When the flight attendant comes, I’ll make sure my kid gets his console and they will kick you off the flight!”

Sister: “Ma’am, look out the window. I don’t think the pilots are gonna be kicking anyone out anytime soon.”

Mother: *realizes what she said* “Augh! I hate you little Mexican brats!”

Me: *shocked, because we’re not even Mexican and don’t look like it*

Sister: “All right, once the plane starts cruising, I’m getting a staff member to move you.”

Little Kid: *starts crying*

Me: *gives the kid the game*

Little Kid: *starts playing*

Mother: “HA! See?! You stupid-a** Mexicans think you can get away with anything! Well, you CAN’T!”

Flight Attendant: “All right, I heard the last thing you just said, ma’am, and I’d like someone to tell me what’s going on.”

(The people behind us talk to the flight attendant.)

Flight Attendant: “All right, ma’am, I’m going to ask you to move so you don’t bother anyone else.”

Mother: *excited* “Are we getting promoted to first class?”

Flight Attendant: “…No.”

(In the end, I beat the level. The flight attendant wanted to give us alcohol for free until we told him we were underage, so they just gave it to the people behind us, and we had an amazing flight. Our family didn’t even believe what we told them.)

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Looking Less And Less Impressive

, , , , , | Right | September 5, 2017

(My sister works at a pub while at university. She is also gay and usually wears a t-shirt that says, “Don’t bother. I’m mad for gyno,” on it when she works. This night she isn’t, though. I am waiting with her girlfriend for her shift to end. There has been a guy pestering her for the majority of the time we’ve been waiting. She takes his last order before she finishes, and makes a disgusted noise before going to get his drink. She also motions to us to get ready. When she comes back, the guy stands up and drops his trousers and underwear. The entire pub goes silent and some of the male regulars stand.)

Customer: “So, sweetheart, good enough for you and your [slur] friend?”

Sister: *glaring at his crotch* “Mate, if you think that could satisfy even one p****, then I’ve got some bad news.”

(The entire pub laughs, and the guy pulls his trousers up and sprints out, as a couple of the regulars follow. My sister grabs her things and meets us.)

Girlfriend: “Do you need to phone the police or anything?”

Sister: “Oh, I don’t bother. The guys [regulars] will make sure he’ll never come back.”

Me: “Does it happen a lot?”

Sister: “Every now and again. For some reason, drunks seem to think because I’m gay that I’ve never seen a penis, and that somehow seeing theirs will magically make me want to have sex, AND include my girlfriend. I just insult it and call it a day.”

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