Colourful Language

, , , , , | Friendly | October 19, 2017

(I’m chatting with a group of friends about a TV show.)

Friend #1: “So, that fat black guy on the plane and—”

Me: “You mean Abraham?”

Friend #1: “I guess.”

(After a while…)

Friend #1: “He’s a pretty tough guy, that black one.”

Friend #2: “His name is Abraham.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, okay.”

(Continuing on…)

Friend #1: “So, that fat black guy’s a father now.”

Me & Friend #2: “Abraham…”

([Friend #1] refers to everyone else by their names, except the only black guy in the main cast, also the only one who is plump. Really?)

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Rated “M” For Misogyny

, , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I go with my brother and my mom to buy a game that recently came out. I am 17. The cashier gives the usual “did you find everything” speech. While this is happening, my brother is looking at other games, and I’m with my mom.)

Cashier: *to my mom* “Also, ma’am, I just need to tell you about the rating of this game. I don’t think it’s suitable for your son.”

Mom: “Actually, this game is for my daughter.”

(The cashier was quiet through the rest of the transaction.)

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You Pay Like A Girl

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I’m a female heavy-duty mechanic. I get put to work on a customer’s truck that I’ve been warned is a pain in the a**. I get finished with his truck with no problem and bring him over to my service writer to finish paperwork.)

Service Writer: “Please sign here.”

Customer: “Do I get a cheaper price because she’s a girl?”

Me: “…”

Service Writer: No.”

Customer: “Why not? Other places do it.”

(There is a moment of silence as my service writer glares at the man and I focus harder on my paperwork so that I don’t swear at him.)

Service Writer: *finally breaking the silence* “We don’t work like that here.”

Customer: *grumbles and walks away*

Me: “Did he really say that?”

Service Writer: “Yup, and he’s not even paying the bill. His boss is.”

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Scouting For The Saddest Joke

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 17, 2017

(My wife used to be a Boy Scout and was kicked out at 18 for being gay, before she came to terms with being a woman. So, I am surprised when she comes home with a box of popcorn the Boy Scouts were selling.)

Me: “This is the worst and least original joke, but is Boy Scout popcorn made from real Boy Scouts?”

Wife: “Yeah, it’s made from the gay and trans kids they kick out.”

Me: *pauses* “My joke wasn’t funny, but you didn’t have to make it sad.”

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Driving On The Wrong Side Of Misogyny

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(I’m leaving work and am about to pull out of the parking lot when a traffic collision occurs just a few feet in front of my bumper. After checking to see that everyone is okay, I pull my car back further into the parking lot so as not to inhibit the flow of traffic. This particular parking lot has two entrances, but only one exit, and the cars involved are partially blocking that exit, forcing others to go around. Nearby are the two drivers, a male and a female, and a handful of witnesses. Some people rubberneck while driving past, and a few roll down their windows to check if everyone is all right. One man rolls down his window to call out something in a cheerful voice. No one is quite able to hear what he said.)

Female Witness: *smiling* “Sorry?”

Male In Car: *louder* “If you don’t like the way women drive, stay off the sidewalk!””

(He chuckles to himself while any smiles there might have been on the witnesses’ face fade. He notices that nobody else is laughing at his joke.)

Male In Car: “It’s [Famous Comedian]! From his stand-up!”

(Nope. Pretty sure that sexist remark was all you, buddy.)

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