Friendship Is The Best Kind Of ‘Ship

, , , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2018

I had a tough time keeping friends as a kid because of my temper and my dark sense of humor. By middle school I was pretty much a loner. By pure chance, that ended up being the year I met the girl that would be my best friend. She was (and still is) a quirky, innocent type, sweet, kind, and really funny, but she also didn’t always get why her jokes were funny. She also wasn’t an aggressive person, always choosing to let something go rather than risk starting a fight over it. Even though we were really different, we got along great and I feel like I really grew as a person with her by my side.

In sophomore year, I started dating a guy I really liked. He seemed really nice and we had a lot of fun together. After we’d been dating a year, I stupidly agreed to sleep with him, since I was sure that we were in love and had a real chance for a future together someday.

Something changed afterwards. We still hung out like normal, but he didn’t seem as into our relationship as he was before. He would show more interest if sex was involved, but it was always a temporary solution. My friend suggested that my boyfriend and I go to an upcoming school dance together, along with her and a few people we knew. It was going to be a fun night of fancy outfits and partying. When I brought up the idea to my boyfriend, he seemed okay with the idea, and plans were made to meet up there.

When I got to the dance, I was doing great. I looked good, I felt good, and I was pumped to have a good time with people I cared about. And that’s when I walked into the dance hall and saw my boyfriend dancing and kissing his new girlfriend. I yelled at him for a bit before I had to run away in tears.

I made it to the entrance hall before I collapsed into a corner. I just wanted to die, I was so upset. My friend arrived, saw me huddled over in tears and ran to me, asking what was wrong. She gave me a blank stare as I explained. When I finished, she pulled me in for a hug before she stood back up, told me to stay put, and began walking away. Confused, I decided to follow, anyway.

In a fantastic moment I wish I had recorded, she walked right through the gym doors, straight up to my now ex-boyfriend, and slapped him. As he stood there in shock, she stared him dead in the eyes and said, “You are a bad person, and you should be ashamed of yourself.” She then turned around and walked back toward where I was standing, grabbing a cup of punch and a cookie from the snack table for me on her way. That was 15 years ago, and we are still best friends to this day.

1 Thumbs
791

Make It An Ex-Pun

, , , , , | Romantic | March 7, 2018

(I’m currently going through a divorce, and my wife is now wanting to take the dog. I tell my friends about this development.)

Me: “[Ex-Wife] is talking about stealing [the dog]. Goody.”

Best Friend: “That’s rough.”

Me: “Is that a pun?”

Best Friend: “Not intentionally, but it works, so I’ll claim it.”

1 Thumbs
266

Where There’s Smoke…

, , , , | Related | February 14, 2018

(At my primary school, there is a disciplinary system where students receive a verbal warning, then two yellow cards, then a red card. My little brother is quite badly behaved, and is inseparable from his two best friends. This is when he is six or seven years old.)

Little Brother: *running to Mum at pickup* “Guess what?! [Best Friend #1] and [Best Friend #2] both got straight red cards today!”

Mum: “Really? Must have been a terrible thing they did.”

Little Brother: “Yeah! They brought in a big pack of matches and set a fire in the playground!”

Mum: “And where were you during all this?”

Little Brother: “Oh, I was off collecting firewood.”

1 Thumbs
458

The Loyalty Beasts Are Here To Help

, , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2018

(My best friend has an interview fairly early in the morning. I set an alarm even earlier so I can send her a text to wish her best of luck beforehand. Instead, she gets this…)

My Text: “Greg wish you beasts of loyalty!”

(She did get the job.)

1 Thumbs
396

Friends That Drink Together, Stick Together

, , , , , | Friendly | December 25, 2017

(We draw names for a Secret Santa gift exchange at work. Two coworkers have been good friends for many years, predating their employment at our car dealership. They used to be housemates, hang out all the time, get their families together, have regular poker nights, take vacations together, etc. One of the best friends opens his present from [Coworker #1]. It is a bottle of his favorite Scotch. He is thrilled, and his best friend is intensely jealous. A few gifts later, it is the other friend’s turn to open his gift. He receives… a bottle of the same Scotch.)

Best Friend #1: ‘How did you know exactly what to get me?’

Coworker #1: “I asked [Best Friend #2].”

Best Friend #2: *to [Coworker #2]* “And how did you know what to get me?”

Coworker #2: “I asked [Best Friend #1].”

Best Friend #2: “So, we both knew the other was getting what we wanted, but not that we were getting the same thing?”

Coworker #2: “Apparently!”

(We all knew they’d probably end up drinking them together, anyway.)

1 Thumbs
362