Takes More Than That To Make This Friendship Dead

, , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2019

One of my best friends always used to do this thing where we would say something, and she would then say, “Your mom’s [whatever we said].” For instance, when I was mentioning how hungry I was before lunch, she’d say, “Your mom’s hungry.” More often than not, it happened without her really processing what she’d heard and she’d blurt out her response. This was one of those moments.

In mid-November, my mother passed away. (You can probably already tell where this is going.) This incident took place in April. I was playing an action game on my phone before school in the cafeteria where we usually sat with a few of my other friends when she walked to our table. Just to mess with me, as I was tapping the screen to send my team to attack, she said, “You missed one!” My response, because it was the truth, was that it was because that character was dead. Her immediate reply was, “Your mom’s dead.”

The moment she finished her sentence, she realized what she’d said and the horror crossed over her face. She immediately started to apologize and hug me. Knowing that it was never her intention to hurt me and this was an automatic thing, I laughed it off and told her we were good. And we still are good to this day. She’s basically a sister I never got and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Can’t Sneak This Past You

, , , , | Friendly | July 28, 2018

(My best friend and I are both high school seniors, and since it’s likely that we’re going to different colleges, we’re talking about the crazy memories we’re going to make. A common saying in my friend group is, “If it sounds like something [My Name] would do, don’t do it!”)

Friend: “I want to try sneak-attack peeing on someone from a tree.”

Me: “[Friend], that sounds like something that you would be telling hammered-me not to do.”

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Drive You To Have Fun

, , , , , | Romantic | May 23, 2018

(I’ve had a rough couple of months, splitting up with my abusive partner, changing stores for work, and moving to a new place. I have scraped together basic furniture but have no luxuries like a washing machine, TV, or stereo. I also regularly walk 35 minutes to work, then wait 45 minutes in the dark to catch the last bus home. My closest friends and family all live in another state, about a 10-hour drive away. This year my birthday falls on a long weekend. My best friend rings me early on the Friday morning.)

Best Friend: “Hey, how are you? Sorry if I woke you.”

Me: “No, that’s okay. I’ve got to see if the laundromat is open today, anyway. I’m okay. How are you?”

Best Friend: “I’m good. Since I got a bonus at work, [Housemate], [Close Friend], [Other Close Friend], and I are on a road trip down the coast. Just thought I’d check in on you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet. I hope you guys have a good time. Say hi to everyone.”

Best Friend: “Will do. Any plans for your birthday?”

Me: “Nope. Just some housework.”

(We chatted for a few minutes before hanging up. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find my friends. My best friend had bought me a good secondhand car with six months rego on it, a new washing machine and dryer, TV, and stereo, among other little things. My friends then hired a trailer, packed up the car, and made the long trip to surprise me for my birthday. They had booked a nice motel, took me shopping for new clothes, out for dinner on my birthday and sightseeing around the city, before flying home on Sunday, without me spending a cent. My best friend had spent pretty much all of the money from his bonus on the car and other things for my flat, while my other friends had pooled their money and paid for their flights, the motel, and shopping. I will be ever grateful for their love and support.)

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No Need To Be Mooby About It

, , , , | Romantic | April 16, 2018

(I’m in a bar during my first week of university and have sat down by the dance floor to rest for a minute. A student I vaguely recognise from my halls comes and sits next to me. I am female.)

Guy: “Hey, how about I buy you a drink, and then we can get out of here?”

Me: “Ah, I’m really sorry. I’m a lesbian.”

(This is true.)

Guy: *thinks for a minute* “I have moobs?”

(I immediately twigged that he wasn’t serious, and he’s been one of my best friends for the last seven years. I was even his best woman when he got married.)

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My Spidey-Friendly Sense Are Tingling

, , , , | Friendly | April 5, 2018

(I am living by myself for the first time in my life. I have a really close friend; we’ve known each other since we were 12 and are like family. We also work together and have keys to each other’s houses. This takes place at 4:00 am while I’m showering to get ready for work. I hear the bathroom door open and the unmistakable sound of someone using the restroom.)

Me: *from the shower* “Good morning, [Friend]!”

Friend: *in a very much not-awake voice* “I’m sorry, [My Name]; I didn’t realize you were already in here.”

(They finish, wash their hands, and leave. I keep showering. A few minutes later, they are back.)

Friend: *sounding more awake* “Wait a minute! This is my bathroom! Why are you in my shower?”

Me: “Sorry, I needed to shower.”

Friend: *as if this explains everything* “Spider?”

Me: *because it does explain everything* “Spider.”

Friend: *sighs* “I’ll go over before work and save your bathroom from the big scary spider.”

Me: “Thank you! Now, can you go away, so I can finish getting ready for work?”

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