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Why Did He Even Need A Replacement?!

, , , , , , | Right | February 16, 2023

I work for a breakdown and towing service that, among others, has a contract with a few luxury and high-end car brands. If one of their cars breaks down, we tow it and provide the customer with a replacement vehicle for the duration of the repairs. For this purpose, we have a number of luxury cars that we give out as replacements. They may not be the exact same car as the one that’s broken down, but they’re high-end luxury cars all the same.

One fine day, we’re delivering a replacement car to a customer whose car is in the garage for a lengthy repair. Our driver arrives, rings the doorbell, and explains that he’s delivering a vehicle. So far, so good, right?

The customer, upon finding a replacement car not quite exactly like the one that’s currently in for repairs, becomes enraged. He takes one of his other cars, blocks the gate to his estate so our driver can’t leave, and releases his dogs.

Our driver manages to barricade himself inside his truck and calls the police, who arrive in force to liberate him. The customer is arrested, our driver files a formal complaint against him, and we ban the customer for the rest of his life.

All this over a replacement car that was the wrong model of luxury car…

This Is Not An Exchange With The Phone Exchange

, , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I work at a call center for a number of services, including a few 0800 numbers (free numbers).

This means that occasionally, we get a call on a free number from someone who tells us a sob story (his dog died, his brother is in the hospital, and more such tales of woe) and wants us to transfer his call to another cell phone, effectively calling them for free.

His usual spiel includes, “I just spoke to someone and they were going to transfer me, but the line cut off.” We catch on very quickly and tell everyone to cut him off at the knee. We’re not sure what exactly is going on, but it seems a little fishy; we are not a phone exchange and have more than enough legitimate calls to occupy us.

One night, I’m working by myself when he calls, and having been an avid reader of Not Always Right for a while, I decide to have a bit of fun.

Caller: “Good morning, ma’am. I don’t know if I just spoke with you or with your colleague?”

Me: “It wasn’t me, sir. How can I help you?”

Caller: “[Tale of woe I don’t remember because it’s four in the morning and I don’t usually work nights, so I’m half asleep.] …and your colleague was going to transfer me, but the line cut off. Could you please transfer me to [number]?”

Me: “You just spoke to someone?”

I say this knowing full well I’m alone here and haven’t had any calls in the last hour.

Caller: “Yes, a very lovely lady. She told me she was sorry for my loss and was going to transfer me when the connection was lost.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’d love to help you, but there’s just one problem with your story.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m working by myself tonight. You didn’t speak to me, and no one is going to transfer you.”

Caller: *Curses me out and hangs up*

He hasn’t tried again, at least not at night.

It’s All Dutch To Me, Literally 

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

Belgium has three official tongues — Dutch, French, and German — yet nearly everybody speaks French, and there are more English speakers than Dutch speakers even though English is not one of our national languages.

This happened today at the reception of the building I’m working in: my coworker was born abroad and is fluent in English, German, and French. However, she doesn’t speak Dutch at all. When we get a Dutch speaker, I generally handle them as, even though my Dutch isn’t perfect, I can be understood and understand roughly 40% of what they say to me.

This story happened as my coworker was alone at the reception. The phone rang, and a Flemish speaker started.

Caller: “Goeiedag, ik wil met iemand van [Company] spreken in verband met een brief van [Employee].” *Hello, I would like to talk to someone from [Company] about a letter from [Employee].*

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak English?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak French?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “Again, no, sir. Do you speak any other language than Dutch?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

Caller: “…Wat mort ik dan doen?!” *What should I do, then?!*

Coworker: “Do you speak English? French? German?”

Caller: “…” *Hangs up with a frustrated scream*

Did he expect her to magically learn Dutch?

If Clients Cause Strife, Call The Wife

, , , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2023

This happened a while ago when a household generally had one computer for the whole family. We, however, had two: my mother’s computer, strictly for her job — she was working from home as a copywriter/proofreader and couldn’t easily let us use hers — and my brother’s and mine. Since we only used the computer for fun and kept downloading stupid games, it was less performant than our mother’s. We often complained since ours was extremely slow, and our mother was planning to buy a new computer for us.

At some point, one of her clients offered her a deal: she would give him a big discount on the corrected documents and, in return, he would offer her two brand-new computers. She agreed to the deal and enthusiastically told us about it.

However, after a few jobs were completed, there was still no sign of the promised computers. Plus, the client was very late on his bill. At some point, she sent him an email.

Mother: “Hello, [Client]. I hope this email finds you well. I couldn’t help but notice that the last bills haven’t been paid on your end. Could you please send me the payment before the end of the month? Thank you and kind regards.”

The next day, the answer came.

Client: “Hello, [Mother]. I am certain I don’t have to remind you of our agreement about the computers. Kind regards.”

Yep, that was all. My mother replied.

Mother: “Hello, [Client]. Thank you for your fast answer. The terms of the agreement were a discount on the corrected documents in exchange for the computers, not that I would work for free. Can I ask you again to please pay your bill? Thank you and kind regards.”

His answer came soon after. It was an extremely aggressive email, telling my mother she was awful and a fraud, that the deal was off, and that he would never work with her again. And he basically called her a whore; if I recall correctly, he told her she probably preferred working with someone who would give her more pleasure and satisfaction.

In shock, she showed my brother and me the email. Furious, we told her that we didn’t want the computers anymore as no computer was worth having my mother called a prostitute. She agreed and sent the guy an email saying that, since the deal was off, the full amount for the proofreading was in the new bill attached, to be paid by the end of the month; otherwise, late fees would be applied.

A few days later, the guy sent her another email requesting another proofreading “with a discounted price, according to our deal”. She refused the job. The next day, the client’s wife called for the same job. My mother told her she would not do it and that she would not work with the client ever again, and she summarised the content of the email he had sent her. His wife said she understood and apologised.

The bill was paid in full the next day.

Fire Or Fired: Your Choice

, , , , | Working | December 28, 2022

In the building where I work, I am, with some other people, responsible for making sure everybody has evacuated the building and security in case of a fire alarm. This means I have an area where I have to check — in the bathrooms and meeting rooms — if they’re empty, all the windows are closed, and so on.

Usually, when there’s an exercise, we receive an email informing us, so we know it’s a drill. Only the people who are responsible for evacuation receive an email.

One day, the fire alarm sets off in the building. I haven’t received an email, so I know it’s serious, and I start the evacuation of my area.

Everybody leaves the building. Then, I see one coworker still sitting at her desk with no worries at all.

I confront her.

Me: “Leave your desk and evacuate the building. Don’t you hear the fire alarm?!”

Coworker: “Um, I wasn’t informed of this! I have work to do!”

She is not responsible for evacuation, so she would not have received an email anyway, and not receiving an email would mean it’s for real!

Me: “Seriously? This is not an exercise; this is for real! Leave now!

Coworker: No! I have work to do! Leave me alone!”

I don’t want to risk my life for this.

Me: “Look. Either you leave now by walking to the exit, or I drag you outside! Your choice!”

I yelled and must have had an extremely angry face and attitude, because she finally got up, took her purse, and started walking to the exit.

Finally, we reached the area where we had to go in case of evacuation. Everybody had already realised that two people were missing and were relieved to see us.

The person who was overseeing the evacuation asked me what had taken me so long, and I explained what had happened.

Meanwhile, I heard the coworker complaining that I had made her leave her desk while she had important stuff to do and that she was going to Human Resources with this. Everybody looked at her in disbelief.

The supervisor made a report to her boss, and I never heard from HR, but she got fired a month later.