The Epic Fight Between Positive And Negative

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2017

(I work at IKEA. Today I’m at the small food counter near the registers when a woman makes a fuss about us having run out of fish sandwiches. Behind her in line is a regular who is also the son of one of our senior workers. After a two or three-minute rant, he rolls his eyes and addresses her:)

Regular: “They sold out. Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to magically make pan-fried fish fall from the sky onto your sandwich.”

Woman: “What do you think you’re doing? Mind your own business!”

Regular: “This is my business. I’m here for a hot dog and you’re in my way; move along, please.”

(This woman sees the queue agree. She stomps off to a recently installed little machine with smiley faced buttons. The idea is to press the button corresponding with your experience. She begins repeatedly mashing the frowny-face.)

Regular: *orders his hot dog and calmly walks over to the machine, grabbing some mustard on the way while silently counting the number of times the woman mashed the button*

Woman: “What do you want now?”

Regular: *eats his hot dog in silence until she turns to leave, then he steps to the machine and starts pressing the smiley-face* “You hit it 37 times? Let’s top that score. 1, 2, 3, 4…”

Woman: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Regular: “8, 9, 10, pressing buttons, 11, 12…”

Woman: “Stop that! I am leaving a negative review! You can’t make it positive again!”

(By now the regular’s mother has shown up, as the manager has been so busy.)

Regular: “19, 20, 21…”

Regular’s Mom: *takes a look at her son, having heard the short version from my coworker who paged for her and connecting the dots* “I’ll call a manager.”

(She runs into the backroom of the food counter. Barely containing her laughter, she pages the manager, who shows up surprisingly soon.)

Manager: “What’s the issue, ma’am?”

Regular: “54, 55, 56…”

Woman: “He’s removing my angry points! You didn’t want to give me fish and I left a bad review and he’s removing it!

(There is a small crowd forming to take a look at the show — and buying more hot dogs and drinks to enjoy while they’re at it.)

Manager: *also having trouble containing his amusement* “Well, ma’am, I can only apologize. We’re out of fish, and just like we can’t stop you from leaving negative reviews, I can’t stop him from leaving positive ones.”

Woman: “Fine! When he leaves, I’ll just push the angry face more!”

Regular: *waves his mother over* “Hey, mom, can I have a few more hot dogs and a drink? I’ll be here until closing, 78, 79, 80…”

Woman: *leaves, screeching* “You’re all in on it. You’re all against me!”

Regular: “83, 84…”

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Freezes When She Gets To The Fridge

, , , , | Working | August 7, 2015

(Our regular cleaning lady, who’s also in charge of our cafeteria, mainly coffee machine maintenance, keeping the drinks refrigerator stocked, etc., is currently on a two-week holiday, and the agency we work with has sent a young temp to replace her. A couple of days into the temp’s stint, I walk into our usually spotless cafeteria to find the fridge a smelly mess, with drinks cans bathing in a puddle of spilled milk that’s gone off, and what appears to be a knocked-over bowl of soup on the top shelf adding a decorative dash of green. At that moment, our temp walks in, sits down, and starts browsing a newspaper.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Temp: “Oh, hi!” *continues reading*

Me: “Say, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the fridge seems to be in a bit of a mess. The milk’s gone off and has apparently been spilled all over the place, and there’s a knocked-over bowl of soup that’s seen better days.”

Temp: “Yeah, I know. That soup’s been there since Tuesday and it stinks.”

Me: “…”

Temp: “It stinks as soon as you open the fridge door, so you’d better keep it shut as much as possible.”

Me: *not quite knowing what to say to that* “So… how are you finding the job so far?”

Temp: *smiling* “Oh, it’s fine, really… A bit boring, though, as there’s not a lot for me to do. I don’t know how [Regular Cleaning Lady] does it, but it usually takes me only an hour or so to clean this place and restock the fridges, and the rest of the day I take it easy.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Right, I see…”


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