Solved That Problem With A Novel Solution

, , , , | Learning | November 21, 2017

(One of my classmates is a hard-working student, she has sass and attitude, and she isn’t afraid of anything. In spite of this, she can’t get her average grades up over 50%, and that’s even after I offer to tutor her as I have a 90% average.)

Classmate: *struggling to work out a problem* “Uh… [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Classmate: “You’re super smart, right?”

Me: “Uh…”

Teacher: “Yes, he is, but don’t let that discourage you.”

Classmate: “And you’re going to be, like, a super successful lawyer right?”

Me: “That’s what I’m aiming for, yeah…”

Classmate: “Can I be your trophy wife?”

(I think our teacher almost died that day. On a side note, I did graduate law school, I am currently engaged to my classmate, and she’s still a bit of an airhead, but she managed to get into a medical school aiming for a position as a nurse!)

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Your Sarcasm Has Got Legs

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 10, 2017

(My sister is 15 and has been in a wheelchair for her entire life; her legs won’t move, no matter what. She often gets comments, or asked why she’s in a wheelchair. Fifteen years of that have infused her with pure sass, an unhealthy dose of sarcasm, and a “f***-it-all” attitude. This time we’re shopping for clothes when an old lady marches up to her.)

Lady: “Why are you in a wheelchair? You don’t need that; you’re young and have good legs.”

(My sister then drops herself out of her wheelchair with and begins dragging herself around the shop.)

Sister: “Well, guess you were not so right, after all!”

(Luckily, this time I didn’t have to explain anything to the cashier; she couldn’t breathe due to laughing, anyway.)


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Mom Opened The Door With That Statement

, , , | Related | October 27, 2017

(I am six years old. My mom takes me clothes shopping and I hate it. After what she claims is an hour of me refusing any and all clothes she or the staff show me:)

Mom: “Okay, fine. Why don’t you go find something you like?”

(Apparently, I ran straight for the door!)

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Frying Up Some Dope Beats Tonight

, , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work at a student-run bar as a bartender. We’re doing a hamburger sale, so I’m frying hamburgers in an adjacent room of the bar. A customer comes up to me while I’m plunging hamburgers in a deep-fryer and says:)

Customer: “Hi, are you the DJ?”

(I couldn’t even answer.)

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Waffling On About All Kinds Of Things

, , , , | Friendly | September 18, 2017

(I’m in an online chat room with a friend of mine. I’m Belgian, he’s Irish, and he’s just invited a new, British friend to the group to play an online game or two together.)

British Friend: “Where are you from?”

Me: “Belgium.”

British Friend: “I know next to nothing about your country. Not even a stereotype. Anything you guys are known for?”

Me: “We’re known for chocolate, beer, waffles, pedophiles, and french fries.”

(There’s a pause after this, and after about 20 seconds he replies.)

British Friend: “Oh, I love waffles!”

(We quickly became good friends after that.)

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