(It is quite busy and a patron comes to return a book. Since he’s late, he has a fine.)

Patron: “But I called you to renew it and you didn’t answer!”

Me: “Well, yes, sorry about that. It can get quite busy so we can’t always answer the phone as we prioritize patrons who are in front of us.”

(Right on cue, the phone starts ringing.)

Me: “See? I’m not going to answer it because I’m busy helping you. If it’s important, you can try calling back later or send us an email. Or better yet, you can renew your book yourself by logging into our online catalog.”

Patron: “That’s why I called; I did log in on the catalog and I didn’t see any renewal options. And there were three books on my account even though I only had one. The titles weren’t even the same!”

Me: “Maybe you looked at your loan history? We can check now if you want; just log in, please.” 

(I hand him the keyboard so he can type his username and password.)

Patron: “Oh, but I don’t know my username; my computer at home always logs me in automatically.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I can check what your username is in our database. There you go: it’s [Username]. Just type in your password, please.”

Patron: “Obviously, I don’t know my password, either. I just told you that my computer logs me in automatically every time.”

Me: “Then I can’t see what the problem is. Once you get home, you can check and then just send us an email with details and screenshots and we’ll try to figure it out.”

(The patron grumbles but still pays his fine and leaves. He comes back one hour later.)

Patron: “I figured out why the books on my account weren’t mine; it’s because it was from your example on how to log in from the library website! You should make it clearer that it was an example. I thought it was my account!”

Me: “Oh, um… Well, I’m glad you figured it out.”

(I didn’t really know what else to say, as I really don’t know how he could have thought that the example was his account since the examples we put on our site are screenshots on a page clearly labelled “How to log into the catalog” and there’s text explaining how to renew books after the screenshots. Plus, it means he never actually logged in before.)

Security Guard: “Hi. A student called us to report a suspicious person, but we can’t find the student or the suspicious person. Do you know anything about this?”

Coworker: “No one reported anything to me and I didn’t see anyone suspicious, either. Do you know what that suspicious person looks like?”

Security Guard: “Well, the student just said that the guy looked nervous. Did you see anyone like that?”

Coworker: “Every single student is suspicious, then. It’s exam period; they’re all nervous.”

Security Guard: “Oh, right. I didn’t think about that… Well, never mind, then.”

Early one morning, I was in a gas station with an annex newsstand when the gas station fell victim to an armed robbery. The owner, however, kept his cool and scolded the young would-be gangster that 6:00 am was no time to rob a store. Everyone knows you have to do so at the end of the day when the till is full. 

They left. Later, I discovered that the owner went to the police and needed considerable more effort to convince the police to show up at 5:00 pm.

They eventually consented, showed up, and to their amazement, they were able to catch the robbers red-handed!

I worked in a pub that mostly catered to students. A “Kwak” is a specialty beer, to be served in a special glass with a bulbous bottom. As such, it cannot stand on its own and needs a wooden frame to be hung from. 

As you can imagine, these are rather expensive and also very much loved by the students. In order to avoid the glasses disappearing like ice on a hot day, my boss required the student who ordered a Kwak to give a shoe — as they were inclined to “lose” their ID but walking home on a sock or barefoot is too big of an inconvenience… especially as it can get cold or very wet. One day, a student who was a regular, came in grinning from ear to ear and asked for his footwear behind the counter. 

The owner sighed, remarked on the fact that if anyone would leave his shoe behind, it would be [Regular] and let him keep the glass.

The shoe rule remained in place but students leaving the pub had to pass a “shoe check.”

(My mother is extremely sensitive to noxious gases. She is the proverbial canary in the mine. My father just installed a new gas stove.)

Dad: “[Mum], can you come to the kitchen, please?”

Mum: “Why?”

Dad: “Just come, will you?”

Mum: *entering the kitchen* “What?”

Dad: *pausing for a moment* “Do you feel well?”

Mum: *puzzled* “Yes, why?”

Dad: “No headache?”

Mum: “No, should I?”

Dad: “Nope, the stove is installed and ready for use…”

(It then dawned on Mum why she had to enter the kitchen and she left in a huff. For clarity, if my dad wasn’t sure it was installed properly, he would never have turned on the gas or risked my mother’s health. It was just to be 100% sure.)