Treated Sub-Standard By The Sub-Conscious

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 4, 2018

(This is a story that is related to me, as I have no memory of it. I have to get up for work at 3:00 am and, because of that, I go to bed a lot earlier than my boyfriend. He comes to bed at his normal time and cuddles me. I take his hand and kiss his palm and then down his wrist. He takes this to mean I’m interested in doing more than just sleeping and starts to kiss my neck. I then kick him hard in the shin and wrap all of the blankets around me.)

Boyfriend: “Jesus! You didn’t have to kick me!”

Me: “I love you more when you’re sleeping!” *I then take his pillow and cuddle it and won’t give it back*

(I woke up to find him not in bed. I was indeed cuddling his pillow. When I went looking for him, I found him sleeping on the couch. Seven years later, we still lovingly tell each other, “I love you more when you’re sleeping.”)

The Court Of Love Deems This Dream Guilty

, , , , , | Romantic | January 3, 2018

(My boyfriend’s leg is digging into my thigh while he’s sleeping.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], move your leg.” *push*

Boyfriend: *mumbles while moving* “[Mumbles something] …your girlfriend.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: *rolls over* “Anything you say will be used against you in the court of love!”

(I busted out laughing. He had no recollection the next day, but he laughed, too, when I told him.)

Making A Blanket Statement About The Rest Of Your Lives

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 18, 2017

(My boyfriend is a born and raised Hawaiian. Being part of the military, his posts have put him in deserts. As you can imagine, therefore, it doesn’t take much to get him cold. He hasn’t been in Oklahoma for very long, either, so winter nights are always fun. I, on the other hand, get hot way too easily. To keep the bill low, he has elected to keep the AC and heater off and rely on blankets and fans. One night, I wake up shivering, which rarely happens. That’s when I notice all the blankets are bundled at his feet. I’m still groggy, so I pull at the blankets to no avail.)

Me: “Babe. Babe, share.”

Boyfriend: *mumbles something*

Me: “I can’t understand you, and I’m cold. Share the blankets.”

Boyfriend: “They’re for my toes.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “So, we’ll tuck them in again.”

Boyfriend: *turns and looks me in the eye, then speaks in a very stern voice* “This is just the way it has to be now.”

(He then turned back around and went back to snoring. I finally managed to wrangle the blankets from him, doing my best to not laugh too loudly. He doesn’t remember ever saying that, and I don’t intend to let him live it down any time soon.)

A Very Touching Disaster

, , , , | Romantic | October 10, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He has an old down pillow that he sleeps with. He grabs the pillow from behind his head and slaps it down over his legs.)

Me: “So, that’s why I keep finding feathers.”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s not.”

(He throws the pillow back up and then smacks it down on his legs again, except this time the pillow actually rips in half and spills feathers all over the bed. He lays there and stares at the mess, as I laugh so hard I almost cry. I run to the bathroom as he is stuffing the pillow and most of the feathers into the trash. When I return, he is walking out the front door.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I just shook out the blanket off the porch, and now I have to find whatever it is I just flung across the yard that was in the blanket.”

Me: *still laughing* “I bet it was the TV remote. You better not have lost the batteries. We don’t have any more.”

(Sure enough, the remote is in the yard, and he manages to find the batteries in the grass. I start to laugh again as he hands them to me before he walks back inside.)

Me: “You’re not allowed to touch things.”

(I put the batteries back in the remote and set it back onto the bed before heading to the kitchen. I pass by the cat who is sitting on the edge of the couch as my boyfriend is walking towards us.)

Me: “[Cat], run! Don’t let him touch you!”

Boyfriend: “Ha. Ha.”

(A few seconds later, I hear a “thwack” sound followed by, “God d*** it.” I look back into the bedroom and my boyfriend is standing there with his hand over his face.)

Boyfriend: “Just… I just threw my phone on the bed.”

(I look over and see that his phone has managed to smack into the remote, causing the batteries to fly out of it and across the bed. I burst out laughing.)

Boyfriend: “I’m going to sleep!”

(I love the big goof.)

Lingerie Never Lingers

, | Aurora, CO, USA | Romantic | November 13, 2013

(My fiancé and I are sitting in his bed at his apartment. My fiancé is picking out PJs for a ‘Sim’ he has modeled after me, and I am watching.)

Fiancé: “How about these?”

(He has picked out some flannel PJ bottoms with a funny t-shirt for my Sim.)

Me: “Ooh! I like those! They’re cute.”

Fiancé: “Like you!”

(He grins and goes back to picking out more outfits for my ‘Sim.’)

Me: “Yeah, you don’t have to put me in sexy lingerie. I don’t see why people bother buying expensive lingerie. It’s stupid.”

Fiancé: “Yeah. You’re just going to take it off anyway.”

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