Fast Food And Polygamy

, , , , , , | Right | May 10, 2019

(One night, both of my parents come home late from work. I am in the car with my dad, while my other three siblings ride with my mom, who drives a silver minivan. They decide over the phone to go to the same drive-thru place. My dad notices her pulling in behind him, and gets an idea. We pull up to the window.)

Cashier: “Hello, that’s going to be [total mentioned over the speaker].”

Dad: *smiling* “I’d like to pay for my wife behind me, as well, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, no problem. Their total is [total that doesn’t sound abnormal for four people].”

Dad: “That’s fine.”

(He pays and we drive into the parking lot. We call my mom.)

Dad: “Hey, did you pay yet?”

Mom: “No, we aren’t at the window yet.”

Dad: “Huh?”

(That’s when we turned around and saw a guy in a red pickup truck pull out after us. Apparently, my dad was too tired or not paying attention and didn’t see the guy pull in. That cashier must’ve been so confused.)

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Came Out Of The Left Field

, , , , , | Related | May 1, 2019

(My grandmother and I are watching my youngest sisters’ softball game.)

Grandma: “I used to play baseball, you know.”

Me: “You did?”

Grandma: “Yup!”

(She imitates hitting the ball. I notice she is batting left.)

Me: “Aren’t you right-handed?”

Grandma: “Yes. But I always hit things left on sports.”

Me: “Why?”

Grandma: “When I was little, we had a tetherball at my school. I was shorter than the other girls, so they always, always made me hit left even though I was right-handed. Then, I got good at it, and I could hit hard with my left and my right.”

(She smirks.)

Grandma: “Idiots got their butts kicked every time.”

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