(I and some friends arrive at a beach restaurant. It’s nothing fancy, but actually very modest. A server approaches and starts taking the order for our drinks.)
Me: “Hi. I’ll have a lemonade?”
Server: “We don’t have any lemonade.”
(I am really shocked, because lemonade is one of the most popular drinks probably on Earth.)
Me: “Okay… then… can I have a glass of water?”
Server: “Sure.”
Me: “And some lemons?”
Server: “Sure, I’ll bring some.”
Me: “And do you, by any chance have a little bit of sugar?”
Server: “I can bring you packets or cubes!”
Me: “Whichever you have is fine!”
(My husband and I are walking along the beach late one night. My husband is wearing shoes and carrying mine in his hand. I’m barefoot.)
Me: “If I step on a jellyfish and get stung will you pee on the sting?”
Husband: “Of course.”
Me: “Marriage means always having someone there to pee on you.”
Husband: “Exactly.”
(I’ve always looked young for my age; even now at 30 I can still pass for a teenager, so I am used to odd looks and snarky comments when I take my baby daughter out on my own. She is hot, tired, and hungry. I just about manage to rock her in one arm, whilst preparing a bottle in the other. I eventually settle her down, get her fed, burped, and happy. I can feel the eyes of the family next to me bear down on me. Eventually the father of the group wanders over. I prepare for another lousy comment.)
Father: “You’re doing a great job.”
(That was it. It took me a few moments to unclench waiting for the mean remark.)
Me: “Er, thanks?”
(With a smile he left again. It was a rough day, but small comments can mean the world.)
(I take my six-year-old daughter to the beach. It’s been a rainy June and the water is still cold. I take advantage to teach the kid some biology.)
Me: “Have you noticed that when you first got into the water it felt freezing, but then it felt okay? Do you know how is that?”
Daughter: “Uhm, because I peed in it?”
(When Jaws first came out, I was a preteen living on the ocean with family. We were at the beach every single day. The movie really had an impact on all the kids my age. Despite going swimming in the ocean every day of our lives, we were suddenly wary of every splash. I did some research (as is my habit) and found out that sharks are pretty shy creatures. They will generally strike whatever is farthest from the shore, turn, and swim back out to sea. That made sense to me so from that point forward, I always made sure my sister was swimming farther out than me. I related that story dozens of times but, apparently, for the first time in front of her when we were in our 40s. She was furious!)
Sister: “How dare you! You risked my life!”
Me: “Were you ever actually bitten by a shark? Have we ever actually SEEN a shark?”
Sister: “That’s not the point!”
(We are in our 50s now and I am still unforgiven (and unrepentant). In a few weeks, the whole family is getting together at the beach for the first time in decades, all the siblings, nieces and nephews. I am going to make sure her kids are swimming farther from the shore than mine.)
