Their Long Distance Wires Got Crossed

, , , , , | | Healthy | May 23, 2019

(I am visiting a family planning clinic to get on birth control.)

Staff: “So, other than regulating your menstrual cycle, why are you going onto birth control if you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “I’m in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend is coming to spend two weeks straight with me. So, naturally, I want to be smart.”

(The staff member frowns, looks blank, and then discusses the side effects of the protections.)

Staff: “So, why do you want the [protections] again? You told us you’re not currently sexually active.”

Me: *pause* “Because… I am in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend will be visiting soon.”

(The staff member stares at my file, still looking blank.)

Me: *thinking* “Oh, my God, why is she not getting this?!”

Staff: “So, you still haven’t explained why you want to be on the [protection]. Is it because you want to regulate your menstrual cycle, and that’s it?”

Me: “Yes, I did tell you why. I told you twice.”

Staff: “And?”

Me: *face-palming* “My boyfriend is coming to visit.”

Staff: *still looks blank* “But you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “You know what? I give up. Write whatever the heck you want in my chart.”

Staff: “I can’t write whatever I want; I need an actual reason.”


Staff: “So, you just want to regulate your menstrual cycle, since you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “Okay, I’m done with this nonsense. I’m going to a different [Clinic]…”

(Funnily enough, the next nearest clinic caught on the first time I mentioned my boyfriend, and I got my protections right away. When I looked back on it later, I could kind of understand someone having difficulties with a patient who is merely implying rather than outright stating, but at the point that I baldly stated my intentions, it should have clicked.)

Fake Coupon Gets You Fake Service

, , , , , , | Right | November 23, 2018

(I am a manager in a well-known store which has a well-known coffee shop inside. It’s Black Friday, and we are very busy. A woman comes up to the coffee shop counter, and the cashier calls me over to verify a coupon.)

Customer: “I have a coupon from [Web Coupon Company] for a buy-one-get-one-free coffee. See?”

(She shows me her phone and I can tell it’s obviously not a legitimate [Web Coupon Company] coupon. It’s a scanned version of my store’s coupon that was mailed out months ago. Each coupon has a unique barcode, which allows it to be used only once. The coupon states “[Store] coupon” at the top, and the image is crooked as if it was hastily scanned. I inspect it, and knowing it won’t work, ask the cashier to scan it. Unsurprisingly, it shows it’s already been used.)

Me: “Ma’am, this coupon has already been used. We cannot accept it.”

Customer: “It hasn’t already been used. See? You’re just doing that on purpose!”

(She shows me how she just tapped on her screen to bring it up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t able to accept it. If you want both drinks, you’ll need to pay for them another way.”

Customer: “You’re doing that on purpose! Now you’re doing that on purpose!”

(The line is getting much longer behind the customer, who is quite irate. I know the coupon isn’t legitimate, but I don’t want to directly accuse her of trying to scam us.)

Me: “Ma’am, it does not matter to me personally whether you use a coupon. But this is not a coupon we can accept. I’m sorry.”

(With that, I walked back to my post. She didn’t get the free drink.)

Vie For A Vial

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2018

(I just started working at a small, independent pharmacy. It’s located in the downtown area of a small town that is predominantly upper-middle-class families. And with that population, we get patients in that ask for a bit more specific requests than what I’m used to. I have just started and am being trained when I overhear this conversation with my technician. Note: since we are small pharmacy, profit margins are tight, so for expensive medications, we don’t open the bottles and fill them until the patient has come to pick up and paid. We pride ourselves on customer service, doing almost anything for the customer.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up for [Customer].”

Tech: “All right, just give me a few moments to pour these bottles into the vial.”

(She is getting over 400 tablets of the medication.)

Customer: “Let me see what you’re putting it in.”

Tech: *shows the vial* “Will this one be good for you?”

Customer: “No! That one is too tall; I’m going to spill it.

Tech: *shows different vial* “What about this one?”

Customer: “No! It’s too short; I’m going to lose it.”

Tech: *shows another vial* “This one? I can fit it in two of them.”

Customer: “I don’t want to; that’s too much!”

(This repeats for a couple minutes, going over various vials, usually the same one, multiple times, the customer making up some random excuse.)

Tech: *showing her the first vial* “What about this one?”

Customer: “Yes! That one is perfect!”

(The tech finishes up putting her medications together and the patient leaves.)

Me: “How did you handle that without freaking out?”

Tech: “I was about to punch her in her face if she said no to another one of these stupid bottles.”

What Can I Do Except Pay You?

, , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(As a side job while I’m in college, I referee for the local region of a national organization that is, in short, miserable to work for. We work tournaments that last from 7 am until 11 pm for two to three days in a row, and often times get few or no breaks, due to the shortage of referees. We’re only paid $18 a match and work 12 to 14 matches a day. We’re also not compensated for our food, travel, or lodging while at the tournament. When they ask me to work a tournament two-and-a-half hours away from my house, I’m glad to say no due to my affiliations playing and coaching with several of the major clubs that are traveling to play. The day before the tournament, though, the director calls me.)

Director: “Hey, [My Name], I know you said no to working this weekend, but we have a mass shortage of referees and I desperately need you to work. Can you please come?”

Me: “As I said before, there’s too much conflict of interest due to my affiliations with [Major Club #1] and [Major Club #2]. Everybody that plays and coaches there knows exactly who I am.”

Director: “Well, I trust you to be fair and I need you badly, so please come anyways. We can figure out a way for you to not work those clubs.”

Me: “It’s not just them; lots of the players that I’ve coached have since moved on to smaller clubs. I’m not comfortable reffing anyone that I’ve coached before. I don’t think there’s any way to avoid some conflict of interest this weekend.”

Director: “What’s it going to take to get you to come?”

Me: “$30 a match and full compensation for food, hotel, and gas.”

Director: “As I’ve said before, we cannot provide compensation to officials, only administrators, and the price you’re paid per match is non-negotiable.”

Me: “Well, then, see you at the next tournament. Thanks, anyway.”

Director: “But I really need you. What am I going to do now?”

Me: “I don’t know. Good bye.”

(I wonder what he wanted me to say when he asked me what it would take to get me to come.)

Must Grow On Pandora

, , , , , | Related | October 10, 2017

(My brother and I are in the living room. My mother sometimes gets random gifts from her workplace, and my brother finds an air plant terrarium in a box. He’s reading the instructions on the care for an air plant.)

Brother: “Hey, [My Name], what’s an air plant?”

Me: “It’s a small plant that’s fairly easy to take care of, that even you have seen people have in their homes. Why?”

Brother: “Oh! Right, right.”

Me: “What did you think they were?”

Brother: “A plant that would be floating on air in the container.”

Me: “…”

(He’s 15 years old.)

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