To Beard, Or Not Beard

, , | Right | August 30, 2017

(I am walking the aisles, not even closely looking like an employee, when a young lady comes across me.)

Lady: “Hey there, where is [item]?”

Me: *sincerely confused* “Excuse me… I don’t know, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But… you have a beard; you MUST be working here.”

Nailed That Work Safety Lesson

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2017

(The interior of our office gets new paint. As our boss is known for being notoriously cheap he asks us employees to carry out some furniture on our way to our lunch break. Another coworker and I pack a desk and carry it to our storage room. I’m the one who’s walking backwards and halfway into the room I feel a short pain and it gets warm inside my shoe. I put the desk down and see a plank with a nail sticking THROUGH my foot.)

Coworker: “Oh, no! Stay put! Don’t pull the nail out. I’ll inform [Boss] and get somebody to carry you to my car. Guess we’re spending the afternoon in the hospital.”

(A few minutes later my boss and two coworkers arrive.)

Boss: “Wow! Well, at least we can learn something about workplace safety here. [My Name], you really ought to be looking more carefully where you step.”

(I waited some seconds for him to start laughing but apparently it was no joke. Yep, totally my fault.)

Don’t Even Starch With Me

, , , , | Working | June 11, 2017

(Our office recently switched from Styrofoam to packaging material made out of starch. Even though it looks much like Styrofoam, it’s edible. Also, while the working atmosphere here is generally good, there is one rather lazy woman that has it in for a tomboy who — justifiably — prides herself on her very strong work ethic. In fact, she’s constantly trying to badmouth her.)

Lazy Coworker: “Yesterday I was on my way to meet some friends so I drove by the office and guess who still was here at 8:30 pm. Right, [Hard Working Coworker]?”

Me: “Okay?! Yes, she had an important deadline yesterday. Looks like she finished that project, though.”

Lazy Coworker: “It’s not just yesterday. I mean… [Hard Working Coworker] should get a life already! Some more months and she’ll move in here. She never even goes to lunch break with the rest of us.”

Me: “If you say so. She does good work and that’s what counts, right?”

Lazy Coworker: “Still, doesn’t she—”

(Suddenly said coworker comes through the open door behind our desks. The lazy coworker isn’t sure whether our coworker heard her rant, so she quickly switches her play.)

Lazy Coworker: *deceitfully* “Hey, we were just talking about you. Do you want to grab some food with us? Or should we bring something for you? We were thinking about kebab.”

(Hard Working Coworker grabs a nearby carton of starch packaging material and starts eating it like chips while keeping a straight face. The lazy coworker, who, by the looks of it, doesn’t know it is edible, looks at her in shock.)

Coworker: “No, thank you, but since I’m apparently planning to move in here, I need to make do with what I can find inside the office.”

(She walked away, still eating the packaging material. I immediately burst out laughing. Fortunately, this led the lazy coworker to ignore me for quite some time.)