Letting Them Know Your Plan Was Your First Mis-Steak

, , , , , | Right | November 2, 2018

(I am working on the patio at large restaurant. It doesn’t close early like most places, and I get a woman by herself later in the evening. She looks like she may be homeless, but when I greet her she is very nice, so I don’t judge.)

Customer: “I’ll have a glass of red wine, a New York strip cooked medium with a loaded baked potato, and a cup of French onion soup. I’ll also take the salad, with bleu cheese dressing.”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am. I’ll be right out with your wine. Would you like water, as well?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. Such a pleasant young man!”

(Everything goes smoothly, her drinks and food come out in a timely fashion, and there is no issue. She orders another glass of wine after the meal, and midway through I ask her if I can bring her anything else. She says no, and I tell her I’ll be right back with the bill. She immediately sets her glass down and walks into the restaurant from the patio with me. I stop at the POS to print her check and notice that she is heading for the door.)

Me: “Ma’am? I’ve got your check right here.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not going to pay. I have no money, and since you are so nice you can buy me dinner. Have a good night!”

Me: *to the hostess* “Lock the doors and call the police, now.” *to customer* “Lady, I’m not paying for your fifty-dollar meal. If you said you were hungry and had no money, I would have bought you a burger or something. I’m not paying for your steak and wine. The police are on their way.”

Customer:How dare you?! You will give me what I want! I’m not poor; I just don’t have my purse! I will pay for this tomorrow; I am in a hurry!”

(She then suddenly sprinted towards the doors. They normally swing out, and she would have gotten away, but I told the hostess to lock them. The lady ran full speed into the door and smashed her face against it, bloodying her nose. When the police came, we found out that she was a homeless lady who did this somewhere in town every couple of months. She even tried to press charges against me for kidnapping, claiming I locked her in the restaurant so that I could take her home with me at the end of the night. That was my last serving job.)

A Disturbing Kind Of Monkey Business

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(My mom, her boyfriend, and I are in the zoo on a hunt for a new baby monkey that was just born a few months ago. It’s on the other side of the huge place, and by the time we get there we’re sweating and already annoyed with people disrespecting animals and not reading what they are. We find the baby and it’s super cute! We’re on a built path that is above ground with random gaps in the wall around us. We’re silently watching it climb all over the trees and the top of the enclosure when I hear a mom say:)

Mother: “Oh! It wants to hold your hand!”

Son #1: “It’s so cute!”

(All three of us whip our head to where the kid is. He’s poking four of his fingers through a gap in the wall. Right away I’m in a bit of a panic, waiting for the kid to scream or something, and for the mother to go ballistic and demand for the monkey to be killed.)

Mother: “Here comes the baby!”

Son #1: “They’re licking me!”

Daughter: “I want to touch it!”

Son #2: “Me, too!”

(Now all three of us are worriedly looking at each other. Now that both the mother and baby monkeys have licked and touched the kid, they got whatever is on his hands! They could get sick with something that we can’t! Plus, it’s a baby; they already don’t have much of an immune system!)

My Mom: *whispering* “We have to tell somebody.”

(We started to walk off when we noticed the mother was sticking her ENTIRE arm out of the walkway! We went speed-walking through the rest of the zoo, searching for an employee. We got to an older lady and she took out her walkie-talkie and reported it. I believe we saved that baby, and hopefully kept from any other monkey from getting sick. There was already one that was — he was being quarantined — so I bet that’s how he got sick.)