(I am using a single-occupancy restroom in a bar. The door is locked.)
Person Outside: *knocks*
Me: “Occupied!”
Person Outside: *knocks again*
Me: “OCCUPIED! Give me a minute!”
Person Outside: *rattles the door, kicks the door open, breaking the lock, and sees me sitting on the toilet* “Oh, sorry about that. You shoulda locked the door.”
(I’ve been friends with my now-boyfriend for over ten years but we’ve only been together as partners for about two months. I’ve stayed at his house and met his housemate and am meeting his parents, two brothers, and everyone else in the tiny village he lives in at his local pub. His brothers are grilling me about my life.)
Brother #1: “So, how long have you two been together?”
Me: “About two months, but we’ve known each other for a little over ten years.”
Brother#2: “Why the change? What happened?”
Me: “Oh, I had a crappy day at work and needed a drink and to vent a bit. I sent a group text to our friends and [Boyfriend] was out with some work people and said I could join them.”
Brother #1: “Wow! That must’ve been one really s***** day to find solace in his arms. What do you do for a living?”
(I don’t usually tell people what I do as I’m a child psychologist and can’t really talk about my work.)
Me: “I work with kids.”
(My boyfriend looked at me a bit funny.)
Boyfriend: “You don’t just ‘work with kids.’”
Brother #2: “What’s that mean? What do you do then?”
Me: “I’m a child psychologist. I mainly work with children aged 3 – 12 who are going through traumatic bereavement. I’m freelance, but work with [County] police and hospitals.”
Brother #1: “Bloody h***! That’s some job. Is that why you say you ‘work with kids’?”
Me: “Yes. Would you like your doctor talking about you in a pub?”
Brother #2: “You’re a doctor? A real, proper, doctor?”
Boyfriend: “Told you she was smart!”
Brother #1: “Hang on! So you’re really clever, funny, hot, a caring person, and you clearly have humility? Why are you with him!?” *gestures to boyfriend* “Oh, God! You two are like those couples in sitcoms. She’s all smart and funny and stunning and he’s a useless, lazy, ugly fool, and no-one knows how the h*** he got a woman like that. It’s not even like he’s rich!”
(It’s obvious that he’s just teasing and I wait until everyone’s stopped laughing.)
Me: “Do you know the worst part of my job?”
Both Brothers: “What?”
Me: “Brothers. No matter how bad their lives are, how horrendously painful their experiences have been, they always, always, annoy each other.”
(We’ve been together for nearly a year now and no matter how bad their day’s been they still talk to each other like that. They all in their 30s!)
(I have been having asthma attacks on and off for over a year, due to exam stress and some other factors, so I am hyper-vigilant about having my asthma inhaler everywhere. This is before the smoking ban came into clubs and pubs in the UK. I start dancing at a party of my friends. I slowly start to have an asthma attack. I am also completely stone-cold sober. As I drag myself out into the fresh, clean, but cold air that can also be dangerous for asthmatics, I wam scraping along the walls and generally not looking very well. As I stumble through between the bouncers:)
Bouncer: *guffawing* “Had a bit too much to drink, luv?”
(After I let the symptoms pass, after about 20 minutes, using a series of techniques learned over the past year, my 5’4”, 17-year-old self has this to say to two huge bouncers:)
Me: “That was a really dangerous thing to do. I was having an asthma attack that, fortunately for you, I know how to control. But it could have been anyone. My father is a diabetic, and if he went into a hypoglycaemic coma, it would initially look as though he was drunk. I would hate to think that the level of your caring just now would have landed my father in hospital, if not dead. I hope next time you see someone in distress, you consider that they might not necessarily be drunk, and might even go and check on them!”
(At least they had the decency to look shame-faced.)
(I work as a bouncer in a pub and overhear the following while standing behind the bar.)
Girl: “One beer, please.”
Bartender: “That will be 86 kroner.”
(She puts her card in the terminal.)
Bartender: “The transaction was declined; do you have another card or cash?”
Girl: *pours out five nutria-bars from her purse* “Will this be enough?”
(Not surprisingly, I had to throw her out a few minutes later.)
(Our bar is a local “cop bar”. There’s a woman in her late 20s who comes in a few times a week and she’ll sit at the bar, chat with staff, and read while she has a drink and waits for her husband to get off work. We’ve gotten to know her pretty well, and all of our staff members [except two people who only work mornings, and haven’t met her] like her. She’s friendly, and actually somewhat petite so she seems unassuming at first. This happens one evening when there’s a new guy in the bar.)
New Guy: *to her* “Well, hey there, baby! ”
Woman: *glances up at me, with a “here we go” look, but doesn’t respond to him*
New Guy: *looks at me, then clears his throat* “I said, hey!”
Woman: *without looking up from her book* “Hello.”
New Guy: “How about you and I get some dinner sometime?”
Woman: “No, thank you.”
New Guy: “No, no.” *waving his hand dismissively and adopting an aggressive tone* “I said… ‘How about you and I get some dinner sometime.’”
Woman: *looking up at him for the first time* “I heard you; I’m just not interested. Now if you don’t mind, I’m trying to read.”
New Guy: “No, you see… I do mind. I asked you on a date. You owe it to me to give me a chance.”
Woman: *clearly annoyed* “Actually, I don’t. You wanting something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it, and it doesn’t mean anyone is required to give it to you.”
New Guy: “But I deserve—”
Woman: *interrupting* “You deserve to be treated like a human being. But that does not involve accepting your invitation just because you’re interested. You being interested in someone doesn’t mean anything except that you’re interested.”
New Guy: “No, you’re wrong! It means I deserve a chance!”
Woman: “No, it doesn’t. Let me ask you a question. You obviously think it’s wrong for women to turn men who express interest down, but do you think it’s wrong when a man does the same thing?”
New Guy: “No, of course not!”
Woman: “Why?”
New Guy: “Because, you women can get dates anytime you want. It’s not a crime to turn somebody down.”
Woman: *to me, as she turns back to her book* “You want to explain this one to him?”
New Guy: *lowering his voice* “For all you know, I could have a weapon in my car and make you take that date with me.”
Woman: *placing her bookmark* “You should really learn something about somebody before you threaten them.”
(She stands up, and he assumes this means they’re going to go somewhere and tries to grab her arm. Next thing he knows, he’s face-first on the floor, and the bouncer is running over.)
Woman: *calmly* “[My Name], will you call Sergeant [Name] at the police station down the road, please?”
New Guy: “You’re a cop?!”
Woman: “No, but my husband is.”
New Guy: “Why didn’t you just say you were married?!”
Woman: “Because it’s none of your business, and I don’t actually have to tell you that. You should have accepted it when I said ‘no.’ You don’t deserve an explanation, and you aren’t even entitled to an answer.”
(We hope never to see the guy again, and my co-workers and I really don’t know what happened to him. Maybe next time he won’t threaten a random person in a notorious cop bar?)
