Crossing That Fine, Fine Line

| USA | Romantic | December 5, 2016

(My friend is going through a breakup.)

Friend: “I told him I was willing to do whatever it took for this relationship, and he still decided to end it.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s love for you.”

Friend: “No, that’s a waste of time.”

Me: “Avenue Q?”

Friend: *smiles* “No, I’m a little bit racist.”

They Just Didn’t Have That All-Spark

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Friendly | November 28, 2016

(It’s trivia night, and this question is about the Transformer movies:)

Friend: *to me* “Now, I know we can count on you to answer this one.”

Me: “Not me. I hated the Transformer movies.”

Friend: “What?! I thought you were a geek.”

Me: “Yeah, but I also have standards.”

Half The Drink, Twice The Trouble

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Right | November 9, 2016

(A bar guest is apparently upset that his double drink cost more than his friend’s single mixer.)

Guest: “Please educate me. Why does my drink cost $3 more than my friend’s.”

Me: “Well, sir, you ordered a double; your friend ordered a single mixer.”

Guest: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means your drink had twice as much alcohol, which we charged accordingly for.”

Guest: “I still don’t get it”

Me: “His drink had 1 ¼ oz of vodka, while yours had 2 1/2 oz. Our prices are based on how much alcohol you ordered.”

Guest: “Well, I drank mine faster than he drank his.”

Me: “Your drinking skills have no bearing on how much alcohol was in the drink.”

Guest: “Well, I don’t think that’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way?”

Guest: “What can you do to make this right?”

Me: “Suggest you order a beer next time?”

(I didn’t receive the greatest tip from this guy, to say the least.)

Here’s Your Rum And Coke, Mistress

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Working | November 8, 2016

(I meet my husband at a bar after I’m done with work.)

Husband: “You look like you’re ready for a drink.”

Me: “Yeah, a little bit. Could I have a rum and Coke, please?”

Bartender: “No problem. You look a little stressed.”

Me: “I had a long evening at work. I’m just glad to be off.”

Bartender: “You got a hard job?”

Me: “Just a really, really weird one.”

Bartender: “It can’t be that strange.”

Me: “It’s pretty weird.”

Bartender: “I bet I’ve heard of weirder!”

Me: “I’m a professional dominatrix.”

Bartender: “…”

Me: “I just spent all evening spanking people and calling them really nasty names.”

Bartender: “Okay… you got me there.”

There Is Mushroom For Improvement

| UK | Working | November 1, 2016

(I am 15 and work in a pub as a waitress on weekends. The pub is owned by a couple; the guy works in the kitchen and the woman runs the bar and waitresses. The head chef (not the owner) is in his 40s and only got the job because the old one left and nobody else wanted it. A family has complained that something is missing from their meal.)

Me: “Hey, [Head Chef], table five is missing mushrooms with their gammon. Can I get some on a side plate or something, please?”

Head Chef: “Tell table five they need to learn to read the f****** menu.”

(I go and check the menu myself then take it up to the kitchen.)

Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but it says mushrooms in the menu.”

(I try to show him but he snatches the menu out of my hand and then throws it, narrowly missing me and hitting the wall behind me. He then starts verbally abusing me for several minutes. The guy owner is standing behind him but does nothing. I try to walk away.)

Head Chef: “Don’t walk away until I say you can, b****. Now go tell table five they aren’t getting any f****** mushrooms!”

(I go to table five and explain they won’t be getting mushrooms in politer terms. I’m nearly in tears. I then go to the woman owner who is behind the bar.)

Me: “I quit. If you want to know why ask [Head Chef] and your husband.”

(I removed my apron, burst into tears, and left. She called me the next day and apologised, but when I asked she told me the head chef wouldn’t apologise and they wouldn’t make him. I got a better part time job pretty quickly. Over the next three years they had a high turnover of waiting staff and got a reputation as a bad employer and for not providing what the menu offers. The year after I left for university the place burned down in what was widely suspected to be an insurance job and they sold the site to a chain.)

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