Has No Reservations About His Comments

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Popular

(In college, I am a bartender at one of those hole-in-the-wall places where men go to get drunk as quickly as possible. One night, our bouncer, who is Navajo, gets off while I still have hour on my shift, but he sits and drinks a Coke while he waits for me because my car is in the shop. The white guy sitting next to him strikes up a conversation. I missed the beginning, but it got louder.)

Customer: “You [expletive] Mexicans need to go home and find your own jobs. Stop taking our jobs. You took my job!”

Bouncer: “I already told you, buddy. I’m Navajo.”

Customer: “Oh. But they’re taking our jobs! I got fired and they gave my job to some Mexican!”

Bouncer: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(The customer keeps ranting about immigrants stealing jobs and asking the bartender what he’s doing to stop them, and how he’s voting on a certain bill, as the bouncer gets more and more annoyed and finally snaps.)

Bouncer: “You know what, buddy? How about you shut up and just drink your beer there.”

Customer: “I bet you’re a liberal. I bet you’re a traitor. You’re probably glad they’re taking all the jobs so you can be a lazy [expletive] down on the rez, huh?”

Bouncer: “I have a job, sir, but I’m glad they’re taking yours. Seems to me your people stole this land, so I don’t feel at all sorry you’re getting it stolen from you, no.”

(It took the customer a minute to work that out, then he got up and tried to swing at the bouncer. He missed completely and nearly fell, and was escorted out of the bar.)

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Drink Up And Fall Down

| QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m picking up my boyfriend from the pub as he has had way too much to drink. I’m friends with the bartender working, and this night she has had to deal with a lot of drunk and unruly customers and is clearly over it. We’re chatting when we see a drunk man trip up the entry stairs, landing flat on his face. He gets back up and looks around to see if anyone saw.)

Bartender: *pointing at the man, deadpan* “No.”

(The man hung his head sadly, turned around, and actually left!)

Bartering Bars At The Bar

| Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work as a bouncer in a pub and overhear the following while standing behind the bar.)

Girl: “One beer, please.”

Bartender: “That will be 86 kroner.”

(She puts her card in the terminal.)

Bartender: “The transaction was declined; do you have another card or cash?”

Girl: *pours out five nutria-bars from her purse* “Will this be enough?”

(Not surprisingly, I had to throw her out a few minutes later.)

I’d Like To Disorder Some Food

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(To order food you order at the counter with your table number. Our pub is circular so it is easy to see which direction customers come from, which can be helpful when they don’t know their table number.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello! I’d like to order some food!”

(Normally at this point I ask their table number, but she has a list and immediately ignores me when I start to ask her, and starts reading instead.)

Customer: “I’ll have two soups, please—”

Me: “Is that broccoli and Stilton, or tomato?”

Customer: “Oh I’m not sure, I’ll just check!”

(She dashes off, leaving her purse on the bar with me, so I place it closer to the till where it’s not so obvious. I generally don’t like people doing this as anyone can pinch it if it’s obscured by the till. She comes back.)

Customer: “Tomato, please! Oh, I suppose you want to know our table number?” *begins walking away again leaving her purse*

Me: “No! That’s okay; just tell me where you’re sitting.”

Customer: “The first booth.”

(Our first booth is table one, then table two/three are normal tables. Four and five are also booths. I put her down as table one.)

Me: “Okay, what else can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken wrap, please—”

Me: “Okay, we have four different chicken wraps.”

(I explain them all to her. She doesn’t know.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, hang on!”

(She runs back to her table to ask, again leaving her purse. This time I watch her. She is seated at table four, not one. I change her table number.)

Customer: “That’ll be [Wrap #2], just plain.”

(At this point I’m wary of asking her anything else, so I put a message saying ‘sauce on side.’)

Me: “Anything else for you on there?”

(She proceeds to give me an order with four more meals and then adds drinks. She doesn’t know who wants ice and questions me about which drink is which, etc.)

Customer: *waving the list* “Well, it’s a good thing I wrote it all down!”

Me: *in my head* “If only you actually had written it all down.”

(I carry on serving and a few minutes later she pops back up.)

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong table number!”

Me: “Don’t worry. I changed it already so it’ll be fine. Thanks.” *in my head* “Please don’t let anything be wrong on that order!”

His Drink Is Not Refreshing

, | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Me: “Afternoon, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Umm, yes… I’d like a drink.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, what can I get for you? Alcoholic or non?”

Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle?”

Me: “Afraid we don’t, sir. I can suggest [Newsagents] just next door as they may sell it, but I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Uh, okay.”

(Ten minutes later, the same customer returns:)

Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle yet?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we still don’t carry that. I can make you a hot green tea and lemon?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll keep my options open.”

Me: “Okay… Bye.”

(He came back twice more with the same request all within the hour!)

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