Busy-ness Model

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I am the general manager of a large Irish pub in a city centre. It’s a Saturday night, we have a live band playing, and the pub is extremely busy, I’m standing on the front door with the door man.)

Customer: *walking out of front door* “It’s disgusting. It’s too busy in there.”

Me: “I’m sorry; what is the problem?”

Customer: *getting irate* “It’s too busy; there are too many people and I have to wait to get served.”

Me: “It is a Saturday night and there is a band playing. It’s often this busy.”

Customer: “It’s disgusting. I’m never coming back!”

Me: “I’m sorry that our business model is clearly working.”

You Obviously Don’t Have An Anime Nose

| Japan | Bizarre, Health & Body, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I am a European girl working in a bar in Japan that advertises as being international. Foreign staff are often popular with Japanese customers who frequently tell us how “kawaii” (cute) we are. On this occasion I am talking to a couple of slightly drunk Japanese girls.)

Customer: “Aaaaaaah, you’re so cute!”

Me: *smiling, since we get this a lot* “Thank you.”

Customer: “Ah, you’re so cute! It’s because your face is small and you have a nose!”

Me: “Thank you…?”

(Apparently having a nose is somehow exciting!)

Very Family Unfriendly

, | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I’m a hostess at a restaurant that is comprised of a dining room on one side and a lounge/bar on the other. Children, for obvious reasons, are not permitted on the bar side. On this evening we are packed, which is not unusual for a Friday night. A female customer approaches me at the front desk.)

Customer: “How long is the wait for the dining room?”

Me: “Good evening. Right now we are looking at a forty-five minute wait for the dining room. Would you like me to put your name down?”

Customer: “Forty-five minutes! That’s pretty s***ty! What about the bar?”

Me: “The bar does have availability. Is everyone in your party over eighteen?”

Customer: “No, I have two little kids that are d*** near starving!”

Me: “I apologize, but minors are not permitted in the bar side.”

Customer: *shouts* “Oh, you just hate children, then!”

Me: *stunned silence*

(The family left, the mother swearing and cursing our “children hating” policies.)

Mixing With Good Company

, | Hamilton, New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m training a new staff member on mixers that are common when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Keep arguing. I’m just trying to decide what I want.”

Me: “We’re not arguing; I’m just instructing [Coworker] here on common mixers.”

Customer: “What ones are you having issue with?”

Coworker: *who has recently told me she gets very nervous when a customer approaches* “All of them, really.”

Me: “We were going over Black Russians and Vodka Lime and Sodas.”

Customer: “Right I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

(My coworker and I pause because we’re unsure if he is being serious or not.)

Customer: *in a cheerful tone* “That’s terrible service. Let’s try that again shall we?” *walks back a few paces and comes to the bar again* “I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir!” *looks at me, looking confused*

Me: *to customer* “Would you like ice with those?”

Customer: *to coworker* “You’re very good at throwing your voice. Let’s try it again. *repeats leaving and coming back and ordering drinks*

(My coworker went about pouring the drinks for him and then I talked her through how to charge them. The customer then also ordered a Stella and charged it all to his room. He then left the bar AND his two original drinks and went and sat with his friends. We ended up throwing the drinks out – turned out he just wanted to give my coworker a chance to practice. Since we charge $12 for a Black Russian and $9 for a Vodka Lime and Soda, this was no cheap drink he tossed!)

Wish It Was More Than Just The Bottle To Go

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “This chardonnay is very good.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it.”

Customer: “I really do.”

Me: “Well, we do a little promotion here. If you order a glass at the bar then get a bottle to go, we’ll give you 10% off on the bottle.”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “That particular wine is $20 a bottle.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll get a bottle.”

(I get a bottle and bag it for him.)

Customer: “Can you open it? I’d like to have a glass here.”

(This promotion is only for to-go bottles, furthermore, if you buy a bottle to drink at the bar that is under $30 there is a corkage fee. I realize the man has misunderstood me, but I decide it is an opportunity to do something nice and open the bottle at the to-go price as he says he only wants a glass. The customer then proceeds to pull a pretzel out of his bag and eat it at the bar although we do not allow outside food. He makes a mess all over the bar and proceeds to stay long enough to drink almost the entire bottle of chardonnay.)

Customer: “Excuse me, may I have my check, please?”

Me: “Sure, here you are.”

Customer: “This isn’t right. You said if I bought a bottle, the glass would be free.”

Me: “No, I said if you bought a bottle TO-GO your bottle would be 10% off. You bought a bottle and drank it here and I still gave you the discount. I also did not charge you the corkage fee that we customarily charge so you are really getting quite a deal.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer pays and leaves and does not tip. I think that I have seen the last of him but he comes in the next week when my boss is working and proceeds to try the same thing with her, saying that last week I had given him his glass FOR FREE when he bought a bottle. I had, of course, told her the whole story and she was able to reply that I had not and that has never been our policy. A week after that, he comes back again. When he goes to pull out his customary pretzel, my boss decides she has had enough.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t actually allow outside food here.”

Customer: “What? But you don’t have any food here!”

Owner: “Actually, we do. It’s on that section of your menu there.”

Customer: “Oh. But do you have soft pretzels?”

Owner: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I will not be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “I mean it.”

Owner: “All right.”

Customer: “I WON’T be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Hmmph.”

(He has never been back to demand free wine or soft pretzels again.)

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