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Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed, Part 3

, , , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2023

My restaurant and bar used to have a cop hang out around closing time just to keep an eye on things.

A couple pulls a dine-and-dash. I go to pick up their check and notice they’ve left without paying. I’m just starting to grumble when I notice they left their car keys behind. I go and hand them directly to our cop friend, who is hanging by the front.

The couple comes back in a minute later.

Couple: *Sheepishly* “Have you… uh… Have you seen our keys?”

Cop: *Taking over* “Yes, they’re right here next to the check you didn’t pay.”

That was satisfying to see even though I didn’t get tipped!

Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed, Part 2
Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed

It’s Not Beer O’Clock, But Jail Time Is Any Time!

, , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2023

A guy is at the bar, running a tab that has just three beers on it. He is also semi-nodding off in his seat. I check on him.

Me: “Hey, there! Can I get you some water or food?”

Customer: “No, just another beer!”

Me: “Sir, per policy, and local law, I can’t continue to serve you. I’d love to invite you back for more drinks tomorrow.”

Customer: “You trashy f****** b****!”

Me: “Okay, time to close your tab!”

I present him with the bill and listen to another round of him listing my personal faults. He then knocks the garnish tray off the bar, which covers me from the chest down in sticky juice, gives me a one-finger salute, and heads for the door without paying.

I start yelling, waving my arms crazily in the direction of my general manager.

Me: “You didn’t pay your tab!”

An off-duty officer having a nice dinner with his wife gets up and blocks the exit.

In the end, the officer made a list of charges: theft of services, destruction of private property (for breaking the garnish tray), public intoxication, public profanity, resisting arrest, assault (me), and assault on a police officer.

I think it would’ve been cheaper to pay for three beers.

Way Better Than Leaving A Tip

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: withouta3 | January 31, 2023

About ten years ago, I was managing an Asian fusion restaurant. It was a weekday and we didn’t have a bartender, so I would handle the bar. Our bar was separate from the dining room, so I would go between, making all the mixed drinks and checking on the servers and kitchen. You know, manager stuff.

A couple sat down at the bar and ordered a couple of drinks and appetizers. I placed the order and made the drinks and then a server had an issue that took me a while to solve. We had a good team there, so another server saw that my apps were up and took them out for me. She then came and found me.

Server: “I took your apps to the bar but the lady looks upset. She said everything was fine, but you might want to check on her.”

“From one problem to another,” I think.

Back at the bar, the man was nowhere to be seen, and the woman was typing angrily on her phone. Her drink, a cosmo, was empty and the man’s was barely touched. The apps were untouched. I prided myself on knowing what my customers wanted before they did, so I started mixing the woman another drink. She put the phone down and asked for another cosmo just as I was garnishing.

Me: “You mean this one?”

And I set it in front of her. She gave me that surprised look that I absolutely loved as a server.

Woman: “He left, didn’t he?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I can find out.”

I did check later and the hostess said he bailed only a few minutes after they got there.

Woman: “You would not believe what that a**hole asked me!”

She then explained that that was supposed to be their first date. They had met through friends and had been talking for some time, but this was the first time for the two of them to go out just the two of them. After hellos, the first thing he did was ask, “Am I getting lucky tonight?” Needless to say, the woman reacted negatively to this. He said he needed to pee and proceeded to leave the building.

Woman: “Can I get another drink?”

Me: “Sure, but you do need to eat.”

It was a slow night, and I figured she could use some company, so I spent most of my time that night in the bar chit-chatting and polishing glasses and such. Eventually, I said something and I saw an abrupt change in her demeanor. Never before had I seen such a clear indication that a woman was interested in me. She was attractive and I was flattered.

She ended up hanging out until closing and having five or six drinks and a full meal in four hours, and she was not a small girl so she was probably feeling pretty good but not drunk.

I called her a cab, and when she left, she asked if I would come by later.

Me: “No, you are ahead of me on the drinks, but here is my number. If you still feel the same way tomorrow, I would love to take you out some time.”

We ended up dating for a year and a half until we had an amicable breakup. We still talk often and are good friends.

And That’s How You Save Ladies’ Night

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: RoadOdeLoad | January 30, 2023

I work in a sports bar and grill in a reasonably small town. We’re a popular hangout for the local college kids as one of the only spots with a full bar and some decent grub.

I love this because, contrary to popular belief, young people are usually the better tippers and just all around more pleasant to their servers than the older crowd. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve worked service jobs more recently or if they were just raised better, but it’s noticeable, and I really enjoy serving most of them.

One drawback, though, is that they’re certainly more dramatic than the older crowd. Usually, if my middle-aged patrons bump into someone, they know there’s a quick hello and it’s done.

With these college kids, it’s often either the best thing ever to spot your friends out and they get loud and excitable, or there’s some sort of rift between the groups and… they get loud and excitable.

For example, we had a college-aged couple that came in a bunch, almost every weekend, that then split up. I’d see the guy from time to time getting loaded with his buddies, but the girl stopped coming in altogether. I figured she only ever came because he was bringing her here.

Friday, we were having a ladies’ night, and she came in with a small group of girls — maybe five altogether.

They sat at a booth and ordered some cheap drinks and kept to themselves.

Fast forward about half an hour. This guy and his buddies came in. Without realizing, they took seats at the bar directly adjacent to this girl and her booth.

I didn’t recognize them as the couple at first, but [Guy] spotted [Girl], and let’s just say it became immediately clear who left who (despite what [Guy] said).

He started in with all these passive-aggressive — and LOUD — comments to his pals about how glad he was he’d “dropped that fat b****” who was “weighing him down”. He kept looking desperately over his shoulder hoping [Girl] would overhear him.

She didn’t, or if she did, she ignored him. He kept going with the insults for another moment or two before he got into some derogatory stuff about her breasts specifically and the bartender told him he had to keep it down because he was bothering people.

The night went on, and all parties involved got more drunk — his a lot more than hers. But she and her friends ignored him.

Eventually, the girls got up to go dance, and he was quick to follow.

I was lingering around bringing drinks to people and keeping tabs to be sure nothing escalated.

This poor girl — he was really tearing into her. The especially psycho thing is that he alternated between insulting her and begging her to take him back.

I caught, “You fat, ugly b****, I never wanted to be with you in the first place. I was with all my exes while we were together,” and, “You’ll never do better than me, so you should take this chance while you have it. We can start over. I forgive you,” from this pathetic guy in the same string of conversation.

[Girl] kept blowing him off, and her friends who were taking notice kept breaking it up and relocating themselves. I was seconds away from having our bouncer spring [Guy], but he seemed to cool off.

That only lasted until she came to the bar — not anywhere near him, mind you — to get herself another drink. He started saying all this stuff about, “You think anyone will ever want you like that? You can have me or you can have nothing. And I don’t even want you. You were the worst decision I ever made. I don’t even know why I’m giving you this chance.”

And on and on — until he was cut off by, “What’re you saying to my girl, bro?”

A towering guy sat down, put his arm around her, and was all like, “Sorry I’m late, babe. Practice kept dragging. Can I help you, son?”

He was ten times more put together — better spoken, better dressed, way less sad or terrifying — than the guy who’d been bothering her all night.

The pathetic one was so drunk at this point that he didn’t recognize he was outmatched and started to launch into this incoherent screaming.

Guy: “She’s a SKANK, W***E, B****, and you’d better not touch her ‘cause she’s mine.”

To which the towering, calm guy stood up, took his jacket off, and said, without raising his voice:

New Guy: “Oh, so we have a problem?”

[Guy]’s friends noticed the situation and came to collect him at this point, just before one of our staff could intervene. But this new guy followed him over to his friends.

[New Guy] got right in [Guy]’s face.

New Guy: “If you have a problem with her, you have a problem with me, so I think it’s time to bounce.”

The drunk guy wasn’t having any of it, but his friends were smarter — or at least soberer — and knew they didn’t want trouble.

Once they were gone, [New Guy] went back over to [Girl].

New Guy: “Hi, nice to meet you. My name’s [New Guy]. Sorry to get all involved like that. I hope I didn’t overstep. It’s just… I could not listen to another second of that. Seriously. That guy is scary. That’s why I went with the boyfriend thing instead of just saying, ‘Hey, you suck, time to go.’ I’ve got three sisters, and he set off all my alarm bells.”

I had been wondering who’d bring a date to ladies’ night. They’d never met; he was just a stranger who’d stepped in to protect her.

They chatted a bit and he walked her out.

They were back here for a first date today!

Oh, Cry Me A (State Dividing) River

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2023

I work in a small bar in a tourist town in Minnesota, across the river from Wisconsin. At the time, Minnesota has some archaic blue laws surrounding the on-site sale of alcohol on Sundays.

A Minnesota boater comes off the river and asks for a twelve-pack and a bottle of vodka.

Me: “Sorry, sir, it is Sunday, and under Minnesota law, we cannot sell alcohol for off-site consumption.”

Boater: “But I can buy it on the other side of the river.”

Me: “That’s Wisconsin, sir; their laws are different. If you want that, you’ll need to go there. So sorry.”

Boater: “We’re docked here; that’s just stupid. Everyone knows that law is not enforced. It wouldn’t hurt anyone. Come on.”

Me: “Sorry, we could lose our license and I could be fined. Around here, this law is rather strictly enforced.”

Boater: “I live in the cities, and no one there cares. Everyone does it. There’d be a big tip in it for you.”

Me: “No can do, sorry.”

Boater: “Your laws are stupid. Do something! Just look the other way.”

Me: “I live in Wisconsin. We don’t have the same laws about alcohol sales. But since you live in this state, maybe you should do something about your laws. I have other customers. Excuse me, sir.”