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So Funny We Forgot To Laugh

, , , , , | Working | October 1, 2021

My boyfriend and I had a fun date night out on a rare day we both had off. We went to a baseball game and then arrived at a casino for some more fun. We approached the bar to order a drink before going to play. My boyfriend is a police officer and I am a correctional officer.

Boyfriend: “Hello! Can I get a [beer]?”

Bartender: “Of course! Just let me check your ID.”

The bartender checks my boyfriend’s ID before asking me what I’d like. 

Me: “Could I have a [cider], please?”

I had my ID over automatically because, even though I’m in my mid-twenties, the majority of people joke that I look about sixteen. The bartender looks over my ID for a long time before telling me he won’t serve me.

Me: “I am old enough and it’s obviously my ID. What seems to be the issue?”

Bartender: “You have Interlock on your ID; no alcohol for you.”

Interlock is something put in vehicles for people who have had multiple DWIs. I have never gotten a speeding ticket, let alone a DWI, so I was instantly upset with the bartender. My boyfriend put a hand on my arm to remind me to cool off.

Me: “Sir, I am not trying to be rude, but I do not have Interlock on my ID and would just like a beverage.”

Bartender: “No, I can’t serve you. Here’s your ID.”

Me: “Are you—”

Boyfriend: “Sir, can you show me exactly where it states that on her ID?”

Bartender: “Well, it actually doesn’t. I just thought she looked too young and wanted to make a joke.”

I was silently fuming.

Boyfriend: “We will take the [beer] and [cider] now.”

The bartender finally gave us our drinks and snacks. I glared and made eye contact with him and he quickly looked away. He did not get a tip.

I Open My Mouth And Reality Spills Out

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: DreamQueen710 | September 28, 2021

I am working an Easter brunch. I am behind the bar, so I have a few regulars stop in throughout the shift.

Regular: “I’m sorry you all have to work today but thank you very much for the meal and company. I hope you’re making time-and-a-half for working on a holiday!”

I don’t even realize what I’m saying until the words have left my mouth.

Me: “We make $2.13 an hour, so even if we were getting holiday pay, it wouldn’t mean much.”

The other guest at the bar and my regular, looked totally shocked. I tried to laugh it off and change the topic, but… Oops. I told.

Working At A Bar Isn’t As Glamorous As It Sounds

, , , , , , | Working | September 10, 2021

Many years ago, I worked in a trendy bar in the centre of Glasgow. The team was very cliquey and would often stop to chat between themselves and customers, even when we were really busy. It got to the point where I was the only person trusted to leave the bar area, do a job, and come back without wasting time. That’s how it fell to me to take all of the bins out, collect glasses, and replenish the stock.

One day, I was putting some rubbish bags in our holding area and noticed one of our metal buckets — used for serving multiple bottles of beer — balanced precariously on top of a number of bags. It started to tip toward me, but I caught it before it fell, which turned out to be extremely lucky because it was filled with vomit.

I took it inside and tipped the contents down the toilet before disposing of the bucket and starting to make enquiries about who was responsible for this. Eventually, someone directed me toward [Coworker] and we had this little chat.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. Did you have to clean up someone’s puke earlier?”

Coworker: “Oh, hey, yeah. It was disgusting, but y’know, I was the only guy on duty and it was in the gents, so needs must.”

Me: “Yeah, that makes sense, but why did you use one of our good beer buckets?”

Coworker: “[Manager] told me to do it.”

Me: “Ah, right. Did [Manager] tell you not to empty it and to stack it on top of a pile of bin bags?”

Coworker: “Erm, no. I just didn’t think.”

Me: “Okay, you’re a lucky guy, then.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, when I took the bins out, the bucket nearly fell on me. Let me tell you, if it had, then you and I would be taking this outside right now. As I said, you’re a lucky man.”

[Coworker] stared at me until he realised I wasn’t joking and then pretty much ran off. I’m not a particularly violent or scary guy, but I think my anger was quite apparent. Whatever. It never happened again.


, , , , | Right | September 8, 2021

My boyfriend, his dad, and I stop at a local bar for some drinks. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been in this bar, so we’re surprised to see that they’ve added a food truck to their lot. We get seated with menus and decide to order a pizza along with our drinks.

Dad gets on the phone with his wife to see if she wants any food. She decides she wants three tacos, so Dad flags down the waitress.

Dad: “Hey, could we order three tacos to go, please?”

The waitress puts in the order. By then, our pizza is ready and we’ve ordered another round of drinks. My boyfriend’s brother calls him to check up, and he decides he wants food, too. We order another three tacos. The first set of tacos comes out, and we finish eating. My boyfriend is looking at the menu.

Boyfriend: “You know, I’m still pretty hungry… I think I’ll get some tacos to go, too.”

So far, that’s nine tacos to go. When the waitress stops by to drop off the second order, we apologize and order the third set. We determine that’s all we are getting and pay up. This time, it’s the chef that is delivering us our tacos.

Chef: “I had to come see for myself who kept ordering taco after taco! I thought you’d be a bigger party!”

Boyfriend: “No, we just kept getting on the phone with our family and the demands for tacos kept coming!”

Ah, well, it’s all to support a local business, anyway. We all had a good laugh, and everything was delicious!

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2021

I work as a manager at a fusion bar/restaurant in a very affluent area and, understandably, this means we get some incredibly entitled people with very strange complaints or requests — especially from the “old money” types who swing by.

I’m managing a dinner shift one night. Our first question when diners are seated is whether they’d like chilled tap water or a bottle of sparkling water from the bar chiller. It’s a warm summer night and we’ve just sat an older couple on the porch area of our venue and poured out two glasses of the sparkling water they requested.

Server: “Umm, the lady from the couple we seated just dropped her glass of sparkling water and wants us to replace it and speak with you.”

I fill a water glass of soda water and head over. I spot the lady with an obviously confused frown on her face. The offending spilled water has already been wiped from herself and the table, and the broken glass has been cleared away.

Me: “Hi there. I’ve just got a replacement for the sparkling water you dropped. Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Your glasses are just far too slippery! I just went to take a sip and it just slipped from my hand. Completely unacceptable.”

Me: “Oh? Slippery? As in greasy? I’m so sorry, that is completely unaccepta—”

Customer: “No, no, no! It wasn’t greasy! It was just covered in water! Look at the one you’ve just put down! It’s already covered in water!”

She points to the chilled soda water I’ve placed on her table that has slowly begun to form condensation.

Me: “You mean the condensation on the outside of the glass?”

Customer: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a warm evening and our glasses are room temperature. Our tap and sparkling water are kept chilled and of course, condensation will occur on the outside of the glass. Would you prefer a room temperature bottle of water, instead?”

Customer: *Makes a disgusted face* “Warm water?! No, of course not! It’s been such a hot day! I just don’t understand why the glasses are wet!”

This was the exact moment that I died inside.

I then spent five minutes briefly explaining the laws of thermodynamics to a lady in her late sixties while her poor husband watched in silence. In the end, she still didn’t seem to understand and didn’t touch her water for the remainder of her dining experience but seemed happy to take multiple, uneventful sips of her chilled glass of Pinot Gris which was, of course, covered in condensation.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here