Never Take A Shot At Guessing Pregnancy

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 21, 2019

(I’m at a bar and I’ve ordered a shot. The bartender sets it on the bar in front of me, but before I can drink it, a woman storms up, grabs it, and dumps it out on the floor.)

Woman: “What the h*** do you think you’re doing? You’re going to be a terrible mother.” *to the bartender* “And you should be fired! This is the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever seen!”

Me: “Um—“

Woman: “No, you listen to me. You can’t drink when you’re pregnant! I should report you to the police; you’re going to—”

Me:Lady. I’m not pregnant; I’m just fat. Jeez.”

(She stared at me for at least a minute, then stammered out an apology and told the bartender to replace my drink on her tab.)

Their Head(phones) Aren’t In The Game

, , , , | | Working | May 20, 2019

(I have gone out for a few drinks with some friends after work. The bar we are in is less than half-full, so we find some couches at the back. After my two lemonades, I decide it is time to head home, but realize that I have misplaced my over-ear headphones. I look all over the bar — on the floor, behind seats etc. — then go to talk to the bar staff.)

Me: “Hi. I lost some pink headphones. Can you please check whether they have been handed in?”

Bartender #1: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Nothing has been handed in? Can you please check?”

Bartender #1: “I don’t know.”

(I go to another bartender.)

Me: “Hi. have any headphones been handed into you? I think I dropped some.”

Bartender #2: “No.”

Me: “Can you please check?”

Bartender #2: “No. Nothing has been handed in.”

(The same conversation occurs with three other bartenders. None even look around in the bar area to see if there is anything there. I find a manager.)

Me: “Hi. I lost some headphones. Can I leave my number with you so you can call me if they are found?”

Manager: “People don’t hand things into staff. Look around the bar.”

Me: “I have. Can you please just call me in case something gets handed in?”

Manager: “People don’t hand things to staff.”

Me: “Here is my number. Please just call me.”

(I went home. My friends called me an hour later to let me know that they had asked the bartenders again, and miraculously, my headphones had appeared! The bartender told them they had been on the floor for two hours and had only just been found. I looked around that whole bar, so I know that isn’t true! Lucky, my friends pushed the bartenders to not steal my headphones!)

The Cutest And Sweetest Littlest Volcano

, , , , | | Friendly | May 14, 2019

(I’m out with friends at a low-key bar. One of my friends has brought her twin sister, who is super shy to the point where she has trouble talking to people. My friend is super tall, very muscular, and tomboyish; her twin sister is much shorter, not muscular at all, and very feminine. I notice a guy my friend has previously had trouble with and go to mention it to her so we can move.)

Me: “[Friend], [Guy] showed up. Let’s move to the game room.”

Friend: *sighing* “Yeah, why not.”

Sister: *confused* “Who?”

Friend: “The guy I told you about? Who called me a lesbian and tried to start a fight with me because I wouldn’t give him my number?”

(To my surprise, [Sister] immediately shoves her can of soda into my hand, runs at the guy, and starts tearing into this man who has at least a foot on her. My friend walks over to stand behind her. She somehow deescalates the situation and we all go inside, even though [Sister] is still obviously fuming. I offer to buy her a drink to calm her down, and her sister follows me to the bar.)

Me: “What the h*** was that?!”

Friend: “She’s very protective.”

Me: “So protective she was ready to f****** DIE?!’

Friend: “I guess!”

Me: “She’s lucky you were standing behind her and looking menacing! I wouldn’t wanna fight you!”

Friend: *frowning* “I wasn’t looking menacing, [My Name]. I was getting ready to grab her in case she decided to beat the s*** out of him. The last thing she needs is to get arrested for assault.”

(That was the night I learned that my friend’s sister had gotten into at least one other fist fight with someone harassing my friend and has a temper like a volcano. With the way my friend described it, I have no doubt that this tiny lady could kick the s*** out of anyone if she was angry enough. She’s a total sweetheart once she gets over her shyness, so I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around this.)

Bombarded With Booze

, , , , , , | | Related | May 14, 2019

(My family and I go on holiday to ski, and we do the usual skiing holiday stuff: go down slopes, stay in chalets to eat and rest, gather for dinner in an osteria, and so on. I am only a few years old, so most of my time there is spent with a ski teacher, but one day my mom leaves me in the care of my 14-year-old sister and her tagalong friend. After spending most of the afternoon going down gentle slopes and playing in the snow, my sister and her friend decide to stop at a bar for a bit. We are in Italy.)

Sister: “Hey, [My Name], you want hot chocolate, right?”

Me: *nods*

Sister: “[Friend], go pick up two bombardini and a shot of vodka.”

Me: “What’s a bombardino?”

Sister: “Hot chocolate with whipped cream!”

Me: “Oh.”

(I trust her on that and wait at the table. Then, my sister’s friend comes back with two tall glasses full of a brown liquid topped by whipped cream, and a tiny glass of clear liquid.)

Sister: “Here. Be careful, it’s hot!”

(I take a sip. I immediately feel a very, very bitter taste in my mouth, as my stomach churns and my mouth feels cottoned. I get up in a panic and run outside the bar’s palisade before stopping, kneeling, and vomiting profusely. My sister’s friend runs up to me.)

Friend: *yelling* “Why did you actually let him drink it?!”

Sister: *shocked* “I didn’t think alcohol could be that bad for him.”

(For the uninitiated, a bombardino is a cocktail composed of eggnog, brandy, coffee, and whipped cream. When I got back to the hotel, I looked absolutely miserable, my mom forbade my sister from watching over me for a long time, and I got a distaste for alcoholic drinks.)

Unfiltered Story #148894

, | | Unfiltered | May 4, 2019

(I’m the bar manager at a Members Only Club for returned servicemen and thier families. I’ve just opened in the afternoon when 2 ladies walk in. I’ve served the first lady her drink who then goes to sit down and I start to discuss an up coming event with the second, when I see a small white dog trotting past the tables. As we serve food and drinks, service animals are the only animals allowed on the premises. )

Me: [ to Customer 1] Could you take the dog outside please?

Customer 1: What?

Me : You’re going to need to take your dog outside.

Customer 1: Oh, but he’s always come in with me.

(I see this lady in nearly every week, I’ve never seen the dog before)

Me : I’ve worked here for over 5 years and we’ve never allowed dogs inside.

Customer 1: Oh that’s because it’s when you’re not here.
(She laughs, trying to weakly defend herself, but knowing she’s been caught she happily takes the dog outside and comes back in to her drink)

(I turn back to the second customer who has her eyebrow raised. She knows as well as I that dogs aren’t allowed and that the bar manager before me was far meaner than I am!)

Page 3/7812345...Last