Wish It Was More Than Just The Bottle To Go

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “This chardonnay is very good.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it.”

Customer: “I really do.”

Me: “Well, we do a little promotion here. If you order a glass at the bar then get a bottle to go, we’ll give you 10% off on the bottle.”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “That particular wine is $20 a bottle.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll get a bottle.”

(I get a bottle and bag it for him.)

Customer: “Can you open it? I’d like to have a glass here.”

(This promotion is only for to-go bottles, furthermore, if you buy a bottle to drink at the bar that is under $30 there is a corkage fee. I realize the man has misunderstood me, but I decide it is an opportunity to do something nice and open the bottle at the to-go price as he says he only wants a glass. The customer then proceeds to pull a pretzel out of his bag and eat it at the bar although we do not allow outside food. He makes a mess all over the bar and proceeds to stay long enough to drink almost the entire bottle of chardonnay.)

Customer: “Excuse me, may I have my check, please?”

Me: “Sure, here you are.”

Customer: “This isn’t right. You said if I bought a bottle, the glass would be free.”

Me: “No, I said if you bought a bottle TO-GO your bottle would be 10% off. You bought a bottle and drank it here and I still gave you the discount. I also did not charge you the corkage fee that we customarily charge so you are really getting quite a deal.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer pays and leaves and does not tip. I think that I have seen the last of him but he comes in the next week when my boss is working and proceeds to try the same thing with her, saying that last week I had given him his glass FOR FREE when he bought a bottle. I had, of course, told her the whole story and she was able to reply that I had not and that has never been our policy. A week after that, he comes back again. When he goes to pull out his customary pretzel, my boss decides she has had enough.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t actually allow outside food here.”

Customer: “What? But you don’t have any food here!”

Owner: “Actually, we do. It’s on that section of your menu there.”

Customer: “Oh. But do you have soft pretzels?”

Owner: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I will not be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “I mean it.”

Owner: “All right.”

Customer: “I WON’T be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Hmmph.”

(He has never been back to demand free wine or soft pretzels again.)


Has No Reservations About His Comments

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Popular

(In college, I am a bartender at one of those hole-in-the-wall places where men go to get drunk as quickly as possible. One night, our bouncer, who is Navajo, gets off while I still have hour on my shift, but he sits and drinks a Coke while he waits for me because my car is in the shop. The white guy sitting next to him strikes up a conversation. I missed the beginning, but it got louder.)

Customer: “You [expletive] Mexicans need to go home and find your own jobs. Stop taking our jobs. You took my job!”

Bouncer: “I already told you, buddy. I’m Navajo.”

Customer: “Oh. But they’re taking our jobs! I got fired and they gave my job to some Mexican!”

Bouncer: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(The customer keeps ranting about immigrants stealing jobs and asking the bartender what he’s doing to stop them, and how he’s voting on a certain bill, as the bouncer gets more and more annoyed and finally snaps.)

Bouncer: “You know what, buddy? How about you shut up and just drink your beer there.”

Customer: “I bet you’re a liberal. I bet you’re a traitor. You’re probably glad they’re taking all the jobs so you can be a lazy [expletive] down on the rez, huh?”

Bouncer: “I have a job, sir, but I’m glad they’re taking yours. Seems to me your people stole this land, so I don’t feel at all sorry you’re getting it stolen from you, no.”

(It took the customer a minute to work that out, then he got up and tried to swing at the bouncer. He missed completely and nearly fell, and was escorted out of the bar.)

Drink Up And Fall Down

| QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m picking up my boyfriend from the pub as he has had way too much to drink. I’m friends with the bartender working, and this night she has had to deal with a lot of drunk and unruly customers and is clearly over it. We’re chatting when we see a drunk man trip up the entry stairs, landing flat on his face. He gets back up and looks around to see if anyone saw.)

Bartender: *pointing at the man, deadpan* “No.”

(The man hung his head sadly, turned around, and actually left!)

Bartering Bars At The Bar

| Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work as a bouncer in a pub and overhear the following while standing behind the bar.)

Girl: “One beer, please.”

Bartender: “That will be 86 kroner.”

(She puts her card in the terminal.)

Bartender: “The transaction was declined; do you have another card or cash?”

Girl: *pours out five nutria-bars from her purse* “Will this be enough?”

(Not surprisingly, I had to throw her out a few minutes later.)

I’d Like To Disorder Some Food

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(To order food you order at the counter with your table number. Our pub is circular so it is easy to see which direction customers come from, which can be helpful when they don’t know their table number.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello! I’d like to order some food!”

(Normally at this point I ask their table number, but she has a list and immediately ignores me when I start to ask her, and starts reading instead.)

Customer: “I’ll have two soups, please—”

Me: “Is that broccoli and Stilton, or tomato?”

Customer: “Oh I’m not sure, I’ll just check!”

(She dashes off, leaving her purse on the bar with me, so I place it closer to the till where it’s not so obvious. I generally don’t like people doing this as anyone can pinch it if it’s obscured by the till. She comes back.)

Customer: “Tomato, please! Oh, I suppose you want to know our table number?” *begins walking away again leaving her purse*

Me: “No! That’s okay; just tell me where you’re sitting.”

Customer: “The first booth.”

(Our first booth is table one, then table two/three are normal tables. Four and five are also booths. I put her down as table one.)

Me: “Okay, what else can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken wrap, please—”

Me: “Okay, we have four different chicken wraps.”

(I explain them all to her. She doesn’t know.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, hang on!”

(She runs back to her table to ask, again leaving her purse. This time I watch her. She is seated at table four, not one. I change her table number.)

Customer: “That’ll be [Wrap #2], just plain.”

(At this point I’m wary of asking her anything else, so I put a message saying ‘sauce on side.’)

Me: “Anything else for you on there?”

(She proceeds to give me an order with four more meals and then adds drinks. She doesn’t know who wants ice and questions me about which drink is which, etc.)

Customer: *waving the list* “Well, it’s a good thing I wrote it all down!”

Me: *in my head* “If only you actually had written it all down.”

(I carry on serving and a few minutes later she pops back up.)

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong table number!”

Me: “Don’t worry. I changed it already so it’ll be fine. Thanks.” *in my head* “Please don’t let anything be wrong on that order!”

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