We’re Not Buds

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Gah! Why am I drinking this? Why did I order Bud Light? I hate Bud Light! Will you get rid of this and get me a Busch Light instead?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take her half full bottle of Bud Light and dump it out and get her a Busch Light.)


Me: “You asked me to get you a Busch Light.”

Customer: “No! You dumped out the Bud Light!”

Me: “You said you didn’t want it.”

Customer: “But you didn’t have to dump it out!”

Me: “What else am I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “But that’s wasting it!”

Me: “BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! What else was I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “Well, YOU could’ve drank it! Why didn’t YOU drink it?”

Me: “I think you need to leave.”

Un-Beer-lievable Behavior

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(At around 11:45 pm, just before we close, a group of guys from the 21st function upstairs come downstairs. They’ve been incessantly rude and destructive, in addition to being very drunk. My manager tells us not to serve them. I have scrubbed the beer trays down and it’s clear we’re closed. I’ve worked a 12-hour shift and want a beer for myself and my bed.)

Customer: “Two beers, please.”

Me: “No, mate, I’m not serving you any more.”

Customer: “Nah, nah, you know you want to. Two beers.”

Me: “I said no. We’re closing and you’re too drunk for me to serve.”

Customer: *leans over the bar and pulls the beer tap*

Me: “F*** off and get out of my bar!”

(He smirks and walks out.)

Manager: “Did you just tell him to f*** off?”

(Expecting to be reprimanded I apologise for my short fuse.)

Manager: “No, don’t apologise. If you didn’t, I would have.”

Brain Fried

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am bartending and a customer motioned me to come over.)

Me: “Do you have a question about the menu?”

Customer: “Yes, for the fried chicken salad do they fry the salad, too?”

Me: *looking back at her with one eyebrow raised in a puzzled manner* “I… Well… No…?”

Customer: *stares blankly back at me*

Me: “I mean… Did you want it to be?” *I question utterly stumped*

Customer: “Wow… That was just a really stupid question, wasn’t it?”

Me: *jokingly* “For the security of my job I am unable to answer that question truthfully.”

Your Hopes Go Up In Smoke

| KY, USA | Bizarre

(A man walks into the pub where I am hostessing.)

Customer: “Are you guys non-smoking?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Every day?”

| OH, USA | Unfiltered

(so one man came up to the bar and asks for beer… kind of. this is how it went:)

Man:can, can i have a beer?

me:sure! what kind

Man: any, just, make it quick.

me: why is that sir?

Man: well… uh…. you see….. i um…. kinda crashed a car…. and i was trying to get drunk to make it look like i was drunk while driving when crashing the car.

me:sir, that’s illegal…

Man:YOU ARE F****** ILLEGAL B****.

me: woah. get out. you are not getting any beer, you already act drunk.


(he got arrested… really wierd he started to flop around, and slur his words more through the conversation… air beer maybe…)

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