Half The Drink, Twice The Trouble

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Food & Drink

(A bar guest is apparently upset that his double drink cost more than his friend’s single mixer.)

Guest: “Please educate me. Why does my drink cost $3 more than my friend’s.”

Me: “Well, sir, you ordered a double; your friend ordered a single mixer.”

Guest: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means your drink had twice as much alcohol, which we charged accordingly for.”

Guest: “I still don’t get it”

Me: “His drink had 1 ¼ oz of vodka, while yours had 2 1/2 oz. Our prices are based on how much alcohol you ordered.”

Guest: “Well, I drank mine faster than he drank his.”

Me: “Your drinking skills have no bearing on how much alcohol was in the drink.”

Guest: “Well, I don’t think that’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way?”

Guest: “What can you do to make this right?”

Me: “Suggest you order a beer next time?”

(I didn’t receive the greatest tip from this guy, to say the least.)

Don’t Have A Cow, Man, Part 2

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a pub that mainly caters to people drinking but also has a small menu for those looking to eat.)

Customer: “There’s not much on the menu for my family of vegans.”

Me: “I’d be happy to ask our chef to make some alterations for you.”

Customer: “Great, in that case we will have…” *lists four meals all with major alterations that come to resemble nothing from our menu*

Me: “Okay, I’ll see what we can do.”

(I speak to the kitchen and luckily they are happy to make these changes. During the wait, the customer comes up several times to ensure the food will be vegan-friendly. When I deliver the meals to their table…)

Me: “Here you go. Can I get anything else for you?”

Customer: “Mayonnaise.”

Related:
Don’t Have A Cow, Man

Missed Your Swansong

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Popular, Time

(I am hosting the karaoke night at a suburban bar. It is popular now but was a ghost town the first several weeks. On a quiet night, I announce at 12:55 that I’m off the clock at 1:00, so to get the last couple songs in right away if anyone wanted to sing. No takers. At 1:05…)

Patron: “If I want to put in a song request, do I give it to you?”

Me: “Yes, but five minutes ago. I can’t get any more songs in; I’ve already shut down and started pulling the plugs.”

Patron: “Just turn it back on. It’s only like four switches.”

Me: “That easy, eh? Okay, go ahead. Turn it back on.”

Patron: “What?”

Me: “Well if it’s that easy, go ahead and turn it back on. If you can do that, I’ll let you sing your song, and I’ll even waive my $50/hour overtime rate.”

Patron: “So I guess I’m singing that song next week?”

Monopolizing The Sofa Industry

| London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I take my brother to the pub. He goes to get the first round, which includes a Coke.)

Brother: “Can I have [drinks] and a Coke, please.”

Bartender: “Is Pepsi okay?”

Brother: “Is Monopoly money okay?”

Bartender: “Right, get out. You’re barred.”

(He was allowed to stay after paying a fine into the tip-jar.)

Come To Blows Over Mojitos

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am on bar and our TV has CNN on, at multiple customers’ requests. I am making a mojito when this happens.)

Customer #1: “What is that cocktail called?”

Me: “A mojito, sir.”

Customer #1: “Oh, one of them there foreign girly drinks.”

Customer #2: “Excuse me?”

(Customer #2 is a woman, but had ordered hers with double the amount of rum I usually put in it.)

Customer #1: “You heard me! Foreign crap! And all these immigrants need to go the hell home! Stealing American jobs!”

(I am of Southeast Asian descent and all my regulars know where I was born, ie. not America.)

Me: “Well, sir, I guess I’ll be off home, then!”

Customer #1: “Well… no, not you…”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer #1: “Well, you’re smart! I like you!”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness. I’m so glad I can stay! With my husband! And my green card!”

Customer #2: *as I hand her her mojito* “Hey, give him a taste of this.”

(I pour some into a rocks glass and hand it to Customer #1. He takes a sip and his eyes BULGE.)

Customer #2: “[My Name], my girly drink tastes fabulous!” *she makes a show of putting some money in my tip jar* “And you, [Customer #1], let me know when you’re getting your plane ticket back to Ireland.”

(They were all regulars and all knew each other. Customer #2 knew Customer #1 was of proud Irish descent and showed off every St Patrick’s Day. Customer #1 was completely quiet the rest of the time he was there, and left a decent tip. I bought Customer #2 a shot when Customer #1 had left.)

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