The ordering system in my bar and restaurant is pretty flexible. I can enter details like allergies or custom requests, and the chef knows exactly what they want just by reading it. Sometimes, though, it gets colourful.

I’m serving a family of four.

Me: “Welcome! Can I take your order?”

Mum: “Yes, chicken wings, please, with buffalo sauce.”

Dad: “Chicken wings, BBQ sauce.”

Daughter: *Hesitantly* “Sticky toffee pudding.”

Me: “You’d like the dessert?”

Daughter: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Son: “The cheeseboard, to share!”

That’s a dessert, too. It comes in two sizes: small, meant for one person, and large, shared between two.

Me: “All right, thank you!”

I go to enter it into the till, and the manager appears.

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], we’re out of chicken wings.”

I take two menus back to the table.

Me: “I’m afraid we’re out of the chicken wings. Can I get you something else?”

Mum & Dad: “We’ll have one well-done steak, shared between us, please.”

I confirm the order and put it through, but I know the chef won’t believe it. I go to the kitchen. He’s holding the docket that printed out, looking confused.

Me: “Hey, chef? Can I talk you through that order?”

Chef: “Err, please do.”

Me: “I know it looks like two courses, but send it all together. The steak is for Mum and Dad to share, the sticky toffee pudding is for the daughter, and the cheeseboard is for the son, not actually shared. So, I’ll be sending two side plates and two steak knives with the steak. The cheeseboard is definitely the big one, but with no side plates and only one cheese knife.”

Chef: “I’m glad you explained that. Weirdest order for the whole of Christmas, but if that’s what they want!”

I explained it to the manager, too, or there would have been mistakes serving it. They left us a good review.

I work at a student union bar while at university. The bar doesn’t really do great business and so comes up with new ideas to try to attract more customers. One of these ideas is a hotdog stand, which is not popular! I am the first server on shift when this happens. The stand is on the other side of the room from the bar. I’m not allowed to call out about the hotdogs in order to attract customers. I am told to simply sit beneath a sign at the cart and wait for customers to come to me.

I customer approaches, refusing to make eye contact and shifting from side to side.

Customer: “Yeah, I bought a hotdog half an hour ago and it was cold. I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m unable to do that. If you have a problem, please go to the bar and ask for a manager.”

Customer: “Listen, you served me a disgusting, cold hotdog! Just give me £2!”

Me: “Like I said, I am unable to do that. Please speak to a manager at the bar if you are unhappy.”

The customer heads off to the bar and returns with a manager, a guy who is generally miserable in his job.

Manager: “This gentleman says you served him a cold hotdog and won’t refund him. Give him his money back!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Manager: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’ve been here for two hours and I’ve been the only one serving hotdogs today. I’ve not sold a single hotdog. This gentleman is mistaken.”

This was the politest way I could think of to say, “He’s trying to scam us.”

The customer disappeared. The manager scowled at me and stomped off.

Related:
Never Sausage A Thing Before, Part 3
Never Sausage A Thing Before, Part 2
Never Sausage A Thing Before

It’s a hot day and I’ve stopped in a bar/café to have a cold drink and breastfeed my young baby.

The staff are friendly and find me a comfy seat to hunker down in. I’ve been feeding for a few minutes when I notice a man watching me. He seems sleazy and overly interested. Unfortunately, I make eye contact and he comes over.

Sleazy Guy: “Are you offering them out free? Give us a taste!”

Me: “Please go away. I don’t want you near me.”

Sleazy Guy: “C’mon, don’t be like that! Milk’s good for us men, too! I’m happy to share!”

As he comes closer, a male staff member suddenly plops down next to me and lifts up his top.

Awesome Waiter: “Here you go! Have a suckle on this! Otherwise, you can f*** off like the creepy little saddo you are!”

The sleazy guy went several shades of red and stormed straight out of the place. I sat in amazement for quite a few seconds.

The awesome waiter winked and went back to work as if nothing happened. I left a huge tip and made sure to call his manager to let him know he had hired a legend.

When I went back a few weeks later, the awesome waiter was a manager and had the nickname, “Boob-erMan”!

This story is part of our Halfway-Through-2022 roundup!

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At my bar, we smoke BBQ ribs and half-chickens in house, and it’s awesome. We only do the BBQ on Saturdays and Sundays. It says so on a giant sign in front of our bar and also on the menu.

I’m bartending on a Friday evening and this couple comes in.

Couple: “Can we have the smoked ribs and chicken, please?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we only have that on Saturdays and Sundays.”

Couple: “Oh, so we have to order off the regular menu, then?”

Me: “Yes, that’s all we have.”

I give them some time to look at the menu.

Right before this couple arrived, we had a party order eight dozen wings, and we’re a pretty small bar, so ninety-six wings fill our fryers up.

I go back to the couple.

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Couple: “We’ll start with a dozen Cajun wings.”

Me: “Our fryers are filled for about the next fifteen minutes, so it will be a little bit of a wait.”

These people flip out on me.

Couple: “We’re f****** going somewhere else! We will never be back! You should’ve taken our order before the big wing order! And you should have what’s on the f****** menu!”

Me: “It is listed on the menu — and on the giant f****** sign outside — that our BBQ is tomorrow and Sunday. Nothing I can do. Sorry!”

And they stormed out.

I’m a bartender at a pretty nice restaurant. A guy walks in, sits down, and immediately starts acting weird.

Guy: “Hey, are you guys hiring?”

Me: “Sure, do you know what position you’re looking for?”

Guy: “Never mind. I don’t wanna waste your time.”

Me: “Okay.”

Guy: “What’s you guys’ Wi-Fi password?”

Me: “It’s [password].”

Guy: “I didn’t get that. Can you write it down for me?”

Me: “Sure.”

Guy: “I’m gonna get some wine. Lemme see a list.”

Me: “Okay, did you want the list by the glass or by the bottle?”

Guy: “Well, obviously, I’m gonna try something before I buy a bottle of it!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

I hand him our list of wines by the glass.

Guy: “Lemme get the Chardonnay.”

Me: “Okay, do you know which one you want?”

Guy: “Yeah, the Chardonnay.”

Me: “Yes, we have two different Chardonnays by the glass. Do you know which one you want?”

Guy: “Yeah, lemme get the Sonoma one. But I wanna try it out before I get a glass.”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

I put a wine glass down in front of him.

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

He’s staring at his phone while I ask him, and he doesn’t look up or acknowledge hearing me. He just keeps messing with his phone. I repeat myself.

Me: “Sir, can I please see some ID?”

Guy: “I heard you the first time!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

He shows me a picture of his ID on his phone.

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I can’t accept a picture of an ID. I need an actual, physical copy.”

He didn’t say another word. He got up and started walking out of the restaurant. He spat on the floor on the way out, flipped off a random lady who was at the host stand waiting to be sat, and left.