Need A Worst Customer Of The Day? Hold My Beer

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2019

(It is fifteen minutes before I clock out and a few tables have just emptied, so I am cleaning up as much as possible before I leave the bar understaffed to catch the last train home. Three men are ready to order, so I drop everything to take their order of two whiskeys and a beer. They don’t ask for anything with their whiskey so I bring it to them neat and go back to cleaning up. The guy drinking beer calls me over and starts in on me angrily.)

Beer Drinker: “Is this how you serve in this place?”

Me: “Yes?”

(I don’t know what he wants but he is gesturing at the whiskey, so I assume ice.)

Beer Drinker: “This is horrible service! This is not how you serve customers! Where is the ice?”

Me: “You didn’t ask for ice, so I assumed you wanted it neat.”

Beer Drinker: “This is not how you should treat a customer! Where is the owner?! How dare you treat me like this! You are a horrible waitress! How long have you been here? You’re new. aren’t you?! You won’t be here for long…”

(He just continues on his tirade while I continue cleaning tables nearby. His friends who are actually going to drink the whiskey try to stop him but he isn’t stopping.)

Me: “If you have a problem with the service here, you are welcome to leave. I am not obligated to serve rude customers with a smile. You did not say, ‘please,’ or, ‘thank you.’ I gave you what you asked for, so if that’s still not good enough for you, then there’s the door.”

(The beer drinker at this point starts swearing at me, and his friends start to drag him away. At the door, he yells, “F*** off!” at me. Since they haven’t touched their drinks I yell back.)

Me: “Bye! Thanks for the drinks!”

(Staff got free whiskey and beer out of it.)

Made With Barley, Hops, And Gender Stereotypes

, , , , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(I am volunteering behind the bar at a beer festival, serving over 100 beers of many different styles. A woman approaches to order.)

Woman: “I’m looking for a girly beer. Something girls will like.”

Me: “What kind of beer do you normally drink? Light, dark, or something in the middle?”

Woman: “Something girly!”

Me: “None of our beer is sexist, madam, but let me see what I can find you.”

(She took it in good humour, and I recommended a light golden ale, which she enjoyed.)

Unfiltered Story #138432

, , , | Unfiltered | January 29, 2019

It’s happy hour at the bar I work at, we’re serving a regular we know well for being confrontational normally, and even worse when he gets drunk, but he never actually goes so far as to swing or do anything to incite something past words so we haven’t seen fit to kick him out, we also get people from a nearby military base pretty often, so you’d have to be an idiot to seriously pick a fight. I’m working the bar and see the regular is nearing his point and has gone to pick on someone who, to my horror, is an obvious amputee I haven’t seen before.

Regular: “Come on stumpy, come at me, I’ll even give you the first swing! Or are you gonna show me you’re half the man you used to be!”

The new guy grunts. Obviously annoyed but not wanting trouble he continues to ignore him, then the regular throws his drink in his face.

Regular: “Hey, what’s that on your finger, a wedding band? You even got the d*** to please her anymore? Tell ya what, you give me your address and I’ll go-”

Before anyone can react, the regular is on the floor bleeding from his mouth unconscious, the new guy wipes off his knuckles, sits down like nothing ever happened and goes back to his drink. At this point the soldiers in the bar are going OORAH, when one of them turns to me.

Other regular: “Guy over there is the toughest damn soldier I’ve met, lost his arm to a bomb and still managed to kill the guys that attacked his squad before getting rescued.”

I see the new guy pull out a piece of paper, write something on it, and slip it into the regular’s pocket. When the regular came to it was in the back of an ambulance. The regular was banned for attacking both a veteran and a disabled person as well as jailed for assault. And as for what was written on the note? According to the Vet it was; “What does it say about you that I could still kick your ass with one arm and one punch?”

One Ring To Bind Them All

, , , , | Friendly | January 26, 2019

(It is the mid-2000s. I’m visiting friends out of state. We’re getting ready to go see a drag show at a local alternative bar. There are four of us: a recently-married couple who are visiting, a male friend, and me. The single guy makes a comment about not wanting to get hit on by other men.)

Husband: “You want to wear a wedding ring so everyone thinks you’re married?”

Wife: “Yes, we have an extra wedding band! We bought the wrong size, and because it is titanium, we couldn’t get it resized. Let me find it.”

(She finds the ring and it fits, so off we head to relax and enjoy the show. We find a space at the bar and are relaxing for a bit before our married friend realizes something.)

Wife: “Hey, [Male Friend], I just realized we ordered the same band for [Husband], only a size down…”

Male Friend: “Yeah…”

Wife: “So… you and [Husband] are wearing matching wedding bands.”

(Watching the realization flit across his face was great. We all had a good laugh about it and how we didn’t catch it earlier. Well, maybe the wife did but waited to see if we’d catch on ourselves. I think he opted to keep the ring on because it’d still work as intended, even if not in the way he’d anticipated.)

Jaegerbombs Have That Effect On People

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

Customer: “I’ll have two jaegerbombs, please.”

(I make them up.)

Me: “[Amount], please.”

(She pays, and while I get her change out of her register, I see her lift the glasses up and pour them down the sink in front of her.)

Me: “Did you not want them?”

Customer: “No, I did.”

(I stare between her and the sink, and it slowly dawns on her.)

Customer: “I don’t know why I did that.”

Me: “I don’t know, either.”

(I gave her change and she ordered again. This time she managed to walk away with them. Let’s hope they made it down a different hole!)

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