I Have A Hangry

, | Germany | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a waiter in a small bar on campus of the local university. Accordingly, most of our customers are students. I am taking an order from a customer.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a baked potato. I’d also like a dipping sauce along with that but it has to be vegan!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know for sure which of our dipping sauces are vegan. I’ll just ask in the kitchen real quick if you don’t mind.”

Customer: “No, you will stay right here! I’m hungry. I want to order NOW!”

Me: “Of course, but like I said: unfortunately, I don’t know which of our dipping sauces are vegan.” *I hesitate for a moment and add* “I’m pretty sure our ketchup is vegan, though.”

Customer: “Ugh, no thank you! What dips do you offer, then?”

Me: “We usually serve sour cream with our baked potato. We also offer Asian, mango, chili, and curry dipping sauce as well as mayonnaise and ketchup.”

Customer: “Well, what about your mango dipping sauce? Is it vegan?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I do not know that for sure. I would reckon it is. However, if I could just check with our cooking staff I could offer you a more helpful response. It won’t take a minute!”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to wait! Just give me sour cream.”

Me: “Are you sure about that? Sour cream is certainly not vegan.”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

Me: “All righty, then!”

(When I served her the baked potato (with non-vegan sour cream) she apologized to me for being a nuisance. She explained that she tends to get pretty cranky when she’s hungry.)

Drinking The Tears Of Sadness

| UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work behind the bar at a concert of a [popular band]. It’s a big event, but the bar isn’t as busy as we feared, just a bit understocked. Towards the end of the show, Customer #1 comes asking for a drink.)

Me: “No problem. Will that be everything for you?”

Customer#1: “Yes, thank you. Do you accept card?”

Me: “Sorry, not tonight. But there is a cash machine outside the hall, just by the entrance.”

Customer#1: “Okay, then. I’ll go get the cash and you get that drink poured in the meantime.”

(She goes off to the lobby, so I turn to serve another person.)

Customer #2: “Hiya, I’ll have [the same drink as Customer #1].”

Me: “Sure, let me just get it for you.”

(I notice that it’s our last can of that particular beverage. After I’ve served it, Customer #1 comes back.)

Me: “Hello again. I’m terribly sorry, but it looks like we’ve just run out of [drink]. I apologize for the misinformation. Perhaps I can offer you a different drink?”

(The [popular band] starts playing another song. Customer #1 is silent for a moment or two and then she bursts into tears, unable to say a word, just standing there and trying to get herself together.)

Me: “Are you all right, ma’am?”

Customer#1: “Yes, just…” *keeps crying*

Me: “…Are you sure?”

Customer#1: *in tears* “It’s okay. Just a [different drink], please. Oh, my goodness.”

(By this point I wasn’t sure whether it was the drink, the song, or something else entirely that caused that outburst. She didn’t say another word, paid quietly, and left without her change, leaving me a generous tip. I’m confused to this day.)

Don’t Be Too Over-Beer-ing

| Helena, MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It’s a cold night, and the bar is pretty empty as people have been advised to stay inside. One customer is at the bar, and it appears he’s been there for some time.)

Customer: “I’ll take a scotch, a beer, and a shot of gin!”

Bartender: “Um… how about we just start with the beer?”

Customer: “How about you start to shut up?”

Bartender: “If you can’t act straight, you ain’t gettin’ served.”

Customer: “Start with the beer.”

Bartender: “Okay, thank you, sir.”

They Will Be So Low When They See What Happens Next

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Underaged

(I’m checking IDs. A group of about five boys approach me.)

Me: “IDs, guys?”

(Customer #1 hands me his credit card instead of his ID.)

Me: “…This isn’t an ID.”

Customer #1: “Oh, right, sorry.” *he turns to his friends* “S***, bro, I’m sooooo high right now.”

Wining And Fining

| Vail, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

(A group of twenty-somethings and their parents walks in to our apres ski bar. They order tapas and drinks. Our ski town just endured a weeklong series of under-aged drinking busts, so establishments are being extra cautious.)

Woman: “Sweetie, you should pick a wine.”

Girl: “I don’t know. I kind of feel like hot chocolate.”

Woman: “No, it’s a special occasion. Get a drink.”

Waitress: “May I get you something?”

Girl: “Oh, sure. May I please have a mulled wine?”

Waitress: “Sure. I just need to see some ID.”

Girl: “Oh, I just had my license renewed, and I left my new temporary paper one in my hotel. I’m 25. I have a copy of my passport on my phone, but I totally understand if you can’t serve me. Actually, forget it. May I just have a hot cocoa?”

Woman: “Oh, can’t you just get her her hot wine? She really is 25. I’m her mother.”

Waitress: “Unfortunately, there have been a lot of police busts recently, and they use all sorts of tricks to try to get us to bend the law. We have to be uber-safe right now. I really can’t serve anybody who looks under 30 without a real ID.”

Man: *leaning in* “I’m her father; it’s okay.”

Waitress: “Unfortunately, we really can’t take your word for it. I’m so sorry. So, you wanted cocoa?”

Man: *reddening* “No, that is not okay! This is ridiculous. This is what this country is coming to. Everything is so correct these days. I’m her father. She’s here with her parents and our geezer friends.”

Girl: “Dad, It’s fine. Really.”

Man: “No, it is bloody well not fine. Give me your room key. I’m getting your ID. You have your passport in your room?”

Girl: “In the nightstand. But, Dad, really, I don’t really want a drink.”

Man: “No! I will not have these politically correct minions dictate my life to me. You’re my daughter, and if I say you can drink, you can drink.”

(The daughter reluctantly hands the man her hotel key, although she’s quite pink. The man storms off.)

Girl: *to waitress* “I’m so sorry. You’re getting a big tip. He’s going to get an ulcer if he doesn’t start meditating, or something.”

(The man returned as the group was finishing their second drinks and preparing to leave. The man marched the passport over to the waitress and insisted that she bring the girl a drink. The whole group had to sit there with their coats on and watch while the embarrassed girl slurped down her piping hot mulled wine.)