Customer: “Gah! Why am I drinking this? Why did I order Bud Light? I hate Bud Light! Will you get rid of this and get me a Busch Light instead?”
(I take her half full bottle of Bud Light and dump it out and get her a Busch Light.)
Customer: “GAH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”
Me: “You asked me to get you a Busch Light.”
Customer: “No! You dumped out the Bud Light!”
Me: “You said you didn’t want it.”
Customer: “But you didn’t have to dump it out!”
Me: “What else am I supposed to do with it?”
Customer: “But that’s wasting it!”
Me: “BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! What else was I supposed to do with it?”
Customer: “Well, YOU could’ve drank it! Why didn’t YOU drink it?”
Me: “I think you need to leave.”
(At around 11:45 pm, just before we close, a group of guys from the 21st function upstairs come downstairs. They’ve been incessantly rude and destructive, in addition to being very drunk. My manager tells us not to serve them. I have scrubbed the beer trays down and it’s clear we’re closed. I’ve worked a 12-hour shift and want a beer for myself and my bed.)
Customer: “Two beers, please.”
Me: “No, mate, I’m not serving you any more.”
Customer: “Nah, nah, you know you want to. Two beers.”
Me: “I said no. We’re closing and you’re too drunk for me to serve.”
Customer: *leans over the bar and pulls the beer tap*
Me: “F*** off and get out of my bar!”
(He smirks and walks out.)
Manager: “Did you just tell him to f*** off?”
(Expecting to be reprimanded I apologise for my short fuse.)
Manager: “No, don’t apologise. If you didn’t, I would have.”
(I am bartending and a customer motioned me to come over.)
Me: “Do you have a question about the menu?”
Customer: “Yes, for the fried chicken salad do they fry the salad, too?”
Me: *looking back at her with one eyebrow raised in a puzzled manner* “I… Well… No…?”
Customer: *stares blankly back at me*
Me: “I mean… Did you want it to be?” *I question utterly stumped*
Customer: “Wow… That was just a really stupid question, wasn’t it?”
Me: *jokingly* “For the security of my job I am unable to answer that question truthfully.”
(A man walks into the pub where I am hostessing.)
Customer: “Are you guys non-smoking?”
Customer: “Every day?”
(so one man came up to the bar and asks for beer… kind of. this is how it went:)
Man:can, can i have a beer?
me:sure! what kind
Man: any, just, make it quick.
me: why is that sir?
Man: well… uh…. you see….. i um…. kinda crashed a car…. and i was trying to get drunk to make it look like i was drunk while driving when crashing the car.
me:sir, that’s illegal…
Man:YOU ARE F****** ILLEGAL B****.
me: woah. get out. you are not getting any beer, you already act drunk.
Man: WHO SAID I”M NOT DRUNK YOU LITTLE S***
(he got arrested… really wierd he started to flop around, and slur his words more through the conversation… air beer maybe…)