We’re Not Buds

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Gah! Why am I drinking this? Why did I order Bud Light? I hate Bud Light! Will you get rid of this and get me a Busch Light instead?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take her half full bottle of Bud Light and dump it out and get her a Busch Light.)

Customer: “GAH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”

Me: “You asked me to get you a Busch Light.”

Customer: “No! You dumped out the Bud Light!”

Me: “You said you didn’t want it.”

Customer: “But you didn’t have to dump it out!”

Me: “What else am I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “But that’s wasting it!”

Me: “BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! What else was I supposed to do with it?”

Customer: “Well, YOU could’ve drank it! Why didn’t YOU drink it?”

Me: “I think you need to leave.”

Un-Beer-lievable Behavior

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(At around 11:45 pm, just before we close, a group of guys from the 21st function upstairs come downstairs. They’ve been incessantly rude and destructive, in addition to being very drunk. My manager tells us not to serve them. I have scrubbed the beer trays down and it’s clear we’re closed. I’ve worked a 12-hour shift and want a beer for myself and my bed.)

Customer: “Two beers, please.”

Me: “No, mate, I’m not serving you any more.”

Customer: “Nah, nah, you know you want to. Two beers.”

Me: “I said no. We’re closing and you’re too drunk for me to serve.”

Customer: *leans over the bar and pulls the beer tap*

Me: “F*** off and get out of my bar!”

(He smirks and walks out.)

Manager: “Did you just tell him to f*** off?”

(Expecting to be reprimanded I apologise for my short fuse.)

Manager: “No, don’t apologise. If you didn’t, I would have.”

Brain Fried

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am bartending and a customer motioned me to come over.)

Me: “Do you have a question about the menu?”

Customer: “Yes, for the fried chicken salad do they fry the salad, too?”

Me: *looking back at her with one eyebrow raised in a puzzled manner* “I… Well… No…?”

Customer: *stares blankly back at me*

Me: “I mean… Did you want it to be?” *I question utterly stumped*

Customer: “Wow… That was just a really stupid question, wasn’t it?”

Me: *jokingly* “For the security of my job I am unable to answer that question truthfully.”

Your Hopes Go Up In Smoke

| KY, USA | Bizarre

(A man walks into the pub where I am hostessing.)

Customer: “Are you guys non-smoking?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Every day?”

| OH, USA | Unfiltered

(so one man came up to the bar and asks for beer… kind of. this is how it went:)

Man:can, can i have a beer?

me:sure! what kind

Man: any, just, make it quick.

me: why is that sir?

Man: well… uh…. you see….. i um…. kinda crashed a car…. and i was trying to get drunk to make it look like i was drunk while driving when crashing the car.

me:sir, that’s illegal…

Man:YOU ARE F****** ILLEGAL B****.

me: woah. get out. you are not getting any beer, you already act drunk.

Man: WHO SAID I”M NOT DRUNK YOU LITTLE S***

(he got arrested… really wierd he started to flop around, and slur his words more through the conversation… air beer maybe…)

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