Another Kind Of Human

| USA | Romantic | January 27, 2016

(It has been a long day at work and I am relaxing alone at a bar when a man approaches me.)

Man: “Hi, I’m taking a class about human behavior and I’m doing a study about the correlation between numbers and people. Can you write down some 10 random numbers for me?”

Me: “Um, sure.” *he hands me a paper and pen and I do so*

Man: “Thanks!” *I watch him go back to his table and hear him say* “I told you I could get her number! You owe me $10!”

(We ended up going out after that!)

Every Time You Tell A Lie An Angel Gets A Beer

| Wales, UK | Related | January 19, 2016

(I am visiting my parents, and am sitting at the local pub with my mum. She is somewhat drunk. We’ve been keeping a vague eye on the TV, which is showing a show with women wearing wings. My mum is a little annoyed by this so I decide to mess with her. I’m in my twenties.)

Mum: “Why are they wearing wings?”

Me: “What wings?”

Mum: “Look at the screen.”

Me: “I can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re seeing things.”

(This goes on a few times over the general course of the conversation but my mum can tell that I’m playing a (pretty obvious) joke on her.)

Mum: “If you don’t stop messing around, I’ll pour my beer on your head.”

Me: “But I really can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re losing it.”

(It goes on a few more times, with my mum making the same threat and even pretending to pour the beer once or twice, until:)

Mum: “See, wings!”

Me: “I can’t see any, Mum. Just some ladies.”

(At this point, she holds her glass over my head and I assume she’s joking around again until I feel something wet pouring onto my head and jeans.)

Me: “What? Seriously?”

Mum: “I told you I’d do it.”

Me: “You poured your beer on me!”

Mum: “You didn’t think I’d do it.”

Me: “Well, no, because why would anyone pour their beer on anyone? Hmph, I’m going to tell Dad.”

(I’m not actually mad — I was being consciously annoying, after all — so much as surprised, and a little amused, but after telling my dad and then going back to my mum and continuing the conversation, my mum starts to feel a little guilty.)

Mum: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It was just a joke.”

Me: “…You poured beer on me.”

Mum: “But you agree now that there were women wearing wings on the TV, right?”

Me: “…Nope.”

(I got a rude gesture that time. My dad’s biggest complaint was that he would have bought her a half if he’d known the rest of the pint was going to go on my head.)

Agents Of S.T.U.P.I.D

| Blackpool, England, UK | Related | January 16, 2016

(Note: none of us drink and are HUGE Marvel fans. My sister, two cousins, and I are talking and playing a game where you name the characters/actors that start with this letter:)

Sister: “I like this game; it’s fun.”

Me: “Yeah, well it’s my turn and we are on the letter ‘O.'”

Cousin #1: “Take your turn.”

Me: “‘O.’ I don’t remember any character starting with ‘O.’ How about Olsen?”

(I am talking about Elizabeth Olsen who plays the Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron.)

Sister: “Are you stupid?”

Cousin #2: “Why, What happened?”

Sister: “It’s not Olsen; it’s Coulson.”

Me: “No, I mean Olsen.”

Sister: “No, it’s Coulson.”

Me: “Foolish human, it’s Olsen, as in Elizabeth Olsen: Scarlet Witch.”

Sister: “OH! THAT MAKES SENSE. Which dummy said Coulson?”

The Biggest Mistake To Assume Too Early

| Austria | Romantic | January 12, 2016

(I’m having a drink with a group of friends, among them an older married couple who have been married for decades.)

The Husband: *about his wife* “My biggest mistake—”

All Of Us: “Aww, you’re so mean!”

The Husband: “—was thinking she was only a summer fling.”

Not Occupied With What You’re Saying

| Seattle, WA, USA | Friendly | December 22, 2015

(I am using a single-occupancy restroom in a bar. The door is locked.)

Person Outside: *knocks*

Me: “Occupied!”

Person Outside: *knocks again*

Me: “OCCUPIED! Give me a minute!”

Person Outside: *rattles the door, kicks the door open, breaking the lock, and sees me sitting on the toilet* “Oh, sorry about that. You shoulda locked the door.”

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