On The Rocks, Easy On The Fun

| Reno, NV, USA | Food & Drink

(A guy sits down at the bar and asks for a virgin bloody mary.)

Me: “One virgin mary, right away.”

(I turn around to make the drink.)

Customer: “But no fruit.”

(I turn back around to confirm the order.)

Me: “One virgin bloody mary, no fruit.”

Customer: *nods*

(I turn around again to go and make the drink.)

Customer: “And not spicy.”

Me: “So, you would like a glass of tomato juice?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. A glass of tomato juice.”

Judge Me Not By The Color Of My Liquor

| Manchester, UK | Food & Drink

Customer: “Could I have a vodka and lemonade, and a whisky and cola?

Me: “Yes, sir, coming right up!”

(I make the drinks and place them in front of him.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “No, thanks, but which one is which?”

Trending In The Wrong Direction

| UK | Uncategorized

(I work at a fairly indie bar. We have a lot of real ales on tap, which we serve in special old-fashioned mugs.)

Me: “Here you go,sir. One [name of ale].”

Customer: “This mug has a short straw on the bottom.”

Me: “That’s okay, I can take it off.” *moving to pull it away*

Customer: “Nah, you can leave it on. I want to start a new fashion trend!”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, I’ll leave it for you. That comes to [total].”

Customer: *hands over money* “Actually, I better take it off. The missis might get jealous I started a new trend and she didn’t!”

Wine & Spirits Of Camraderie

| Kingston, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at my bar. I see a patron who has had too much to drink.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Patron: “Can I just finish my beer?”

Me: “I can’t let you do that.”

Patron’s friend: “Why are you kicking her out? I’m drunker than she is!”

Me: “Then you can leave, too!”

A Serious Case Of Insensitivity, Part 2

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(New Year’s Eve is in full swing. Shortly before the midnight countdown, a coworker of mine drops down dead beside me from a brain aneurysm. We went into shock and obviously tried to help her. The customer that she was serving starts complaining about the quality of service.)

Customer: “Leave her, it’s almost midnight! I need my glass of wine to celebrate!”

Me: “Sir, we believe she may be dead. Please have a bit of compassion. The bar will be closing now while we wait for emergency services.”

Customer: “Forget that! We want to celebrate. Get me my drink now and take her body out back or something!”

Me: “Security! Throw this man out and clear the bar.”

Customer: “I will get both her and you fired for this!”

Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

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