Fight For Your Right

| Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

Drunk: “I want a beer.”

Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

(The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

My Friend: “Eat wood!”

(My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

Drink To A Fine Resolution

| Stockholm, Sweden | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top

(I work as a bartender at a high end restaurant. I am currently working the bar alone with over 90 guests.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I’d like to order!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I will be with you in a minute.”

(The customer is obviously annoyed, but I have to continue. After about 30 seconds, he throws his debit card at me just as I pass him. I stop, pick it up, look at it, and throw it in the garbage bin behind me. I then continue to take orders.)

Customer: “What the—did you just—”

(I don’t say anything. I don’t even look at the customer as I finish pouring every one else their drinks. When he is the last one, I pick up the card from the bin and look him straight in the eyes.)

Me: “Sir, I have three things to tell you. One, that was, by far, the rudest I have EVER been treated by a customer. Second, if I ever catch you doing that, I will talk to my boss and he will sort it out; he hates it when people are rude to his staff. And finally, if you had paid attention to how everyone else ‘paid’ you would know that it is an open bar, and your card does nothing.”

Customer: *bright red* “I am so so sorry; I truly am. I think that I have had enough to drink tonight. I will take a glass of water.”

(I smile, give him his water, and he gives me a tip.)

Customer: “I know that this does not cover how bad I treated you. I am sorry.”

(The same customer comes back a couple of weeks later, and he is still the best tipper I serve!)

A Spirited Response

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I am working as a manager/bartender at a local club. It’s fairly slow, and a clearly drunk regular approaches to order.)

Customer: “I’ll get a tall ‘Paralyzer.'”

Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.75.”

(I proceed to make the drink, take his payment, and continue doing my job. A few minutes later, he returns to the bar with the empty cup.)

Customer: “There was no alcohol in this! Make me another one on the house, you b****!”

Me: “Excuse me? You watched me make it, and drank it all. If you came back after a sip, maybe, but not when it’s empty, dude.”

(The customer’s intoxicated female friend approaches next to him.)

Friend: “You’re full of it. I was the manager here a month ago; you’re new and stupid. You tried to rip him off, so make a new one! F****** stupid w****!”

Me: “Listen up. One, you’re full of it. I’m the manager, and have been for the last year. You’ve never worked here. Second, I know for a fact you do nails for a living. If I had them done, ripped them off, and then said you didn’t do them, would you do them again for free? No. There was alcohol in that drink. Third, call me a f****** name again, and I’ll have you out of here so fast, your four-size-too-small miniskirt might actually squeeze away from your hippo thighs. Now, can I get you anything else, or are you good?”

(The owner laughed so hard she had to run to the bathroom. The customer’s friend ended up with a DUI that night. Talk about Karma!)