Drink Up And Fall Down

| QLD, Australia | Right | January 28, 2016

(I’m picking up my boyfriend from the pub as he has had way too much to drink. I’m friends with the bartender working, and this night she has had to deal with a lot of drunk and unruly customers and is clearly over it. We’re chatting when we see a drunk man trip up the entry stairs, landing flat on his face. He gets back up and looks around to see if anyone saw.)

Bartender: *pointing at the man, deadpan* “No.”

(The man hung his head sadly, turned around, and actually left!)

Another Kind Of Human

| USA | Romantic | January 27, 2016

(It has been a long day at work and I am relaxing alone at a bar when a man approaches me.)

Man: “Hi, I’m taking a class about human behavior and I’m doing a study about the correlation between numbers and people. Can you write down some 10 random numbers for me?”

Me: “Um, sure.” *he hands me a paper and pen and I do so*

Man: “Thanks!” *I watch him go back to his table and hear him say* “I told you I could get her number! You owe me $10!”

(We ended up going out after that!)

Every Time You Tell A Lie An Angel Gets A Beer

| Wales, UK | Related | January 19, 2016

(I am visiting my parents, and am sitting at the local pub with my mum. She is somewhat drunk. We’ve been keeping a vague eye on the TV, which is showing a show with women wearing wings. My mum is a little annoyed by this so I decide to mess with her. I’m in my twenties.)

Mum: “Why are they wearing wings?”

Me: “What wings?”

Mum: “Look at the screen.”

Me: “I can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re seeing things.”

(This goes on a few times over the general course of the conversation but my mum can tell that I’m playing a (pretty obvious) joke on her.)

Mum: “If you don’t stop messing around, I’ll pour my beer on your head.”

Me: “But I really can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re losing it.”

(It goes on a few more times, with my mum making the same threat and even pretending to pour the beer once or twice, until:)

Mum: “See, wings!”

Me: “I can’t see any, Mum. Just some ladies.”

(At this point, she holds her glass over my head and I assume she’s joking around again until I feel something wet pouring onto my head and jeans.)

Me: “What? Seriously?”

Mum: “I told you I’d do it.”

Me: “You poured your beer on me!”

Mum: “You didn’t think I’d do it.”

Me: “Well, no, because why would anyone pour their beer on anyone? Hmph, I’m going to tell Dad.”

(I’m not actually mad — I was being consciously annoying, after all — so much as surprised, and a little amused, but after telling my dad and then going back to my mum and continuing the conversation, my mum starts to feel a little guilty.)

Mum: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It was just a joke.”

Me: “…You poured beer on me.”

Mum: “But you agree now that there were women wearing wings on the TV, right?”

Me: “…Nope.”

(I got a rude gesture that time. My dad’s biggest complaint was that he would have bought her a half if he’d known the rest of the pint was going to go on my head.)

Agents Of S.T.U.P.I.D

| Blackpool, England, UK | Related | January 16, 2016

(Note: none of us drink and are HUGE Marvel fans. My sister, two cousins, and I are talking and playing a game where you name the characters/actors that start with this letter:)

Sister: “I like this game; it’s fun.”

Me: “Yeah, well it’s my turn and we are on the letter ‘O.'”

Cousin #1: “Take your turn.”

Me: “‘O.’ I don’t remember any character starting with ‘O.’ How about Olsen?”

(I am talking about Elizabeth Olsen who plays the Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron.)

Sister: “Are you stupid?”

Cousin #2: “Why, What happened?”

Sister: “It’s not Olsen; it’s Coulson.”

Me: “No, I mean Olsen.”

Sister: “No, it’s Coulson.”

Me: “Foolish human, it’s Olsen, as in Elizabeth Olsen: Scarlet Witch.”

Sister: “OH! THAT MAKES SENSE. Which dummy said Coulson?”

The Biggest Mistake To Assume Too Early

| Austria | Romantic | January 12, 2016

(I’m having a drink with a group of friends, among them an older married couple who have been married for decades.)

The Husband: *about his wife* “My biggest mistake—”

All Of Us: “Aww, you’re so mean!”

The Husband: “—was thinking she was only a summer fling.”

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