Can’t Admit To Their Mis-Steak

, , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(Our bar is one of three bars, two restaurants, and a cafe in the same complex. Any advertising for food deals has the name of the bar very clearly displayed and is displayed outside the outlet it corresponds to. The customer in this story has just ordered two steak meals off me. Our bar only has t-bone steaks so it’s not uncommon for customers who want a t-bone to just ask for steak.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s two t-bone steaks, cooked med and med-rare. You’re total is $49.”

(The customer hands me a $50 note.)

Me: “Thanks. Here is your $1 change and your table number.”

(The customer takes the table number and change, reaches over the bar, and snatches their receipt off the printer. He then walks away, shows the receipt to his wife, and then walks back to the bar and interrupts me serving the next customer.)

Customer: “You gave me the wrong change.”

Me: “Umm, no. I gave you a $1 change from a $50 note for a $49 meal.”

Customer: “The steaks are only $16.50 each.”

Me: “No, sorry, if you look at the menu in front of you, our t-bone steak is $24.50.”

Customer: “I know what I’m talking about. I didn’t order a t-bone. I ordered the steak. The sign outside says you have a steak special for $16.50. Stop trying to rip me off and give me my change.”

Me: “We don’t have a steak special in this bar. [Other Bar] next door, on the other hand, has a steak special. I’ll give you a refund and you can go next door and order from them.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what I wanted and I ordered here, so give me the change and give me that meal.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s a different bar.”

Customer: “Well, how the f*** am I meant to know that?!”

Customer He Interrupted: “Because it says it on the sign. Now take your refund and leave.”

They Want An Irish Americacappamoccachino

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2017

Customer: “Do you do fancy coffee?”

Me: “Umm, you mean like cappuccino and flat white?”

Customer: “Yeah, but the one with chocolate in it?”

Me: “Hot chocolate?”

Customer: “No! The one with chocolate and coffee.”

Me: “Oh, you want a moccachino?”

Customer: “Yes, but with caramel as well. What do you call that?”

Me: “Ah, a moccachino with caramel?”

Customer: “Yes I want one of those. Wait, I might want two. Hang on.”

(She then walks to the other side of our seating area to talk to her friend. I’m not too worried by this as it’s quiet anyway.)

Customer: “No, only one of those.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $4.50.”

Customer: “Do you do those special coffees like they do in America?”

Me: “An Americano?”

Customer: “Is that the one with alcohol in it?”

Me: “Oh, no, I think you mean an Irish coffee or a liqueur coffee.”

Customer: “No, not Irish coffee, just the ones with alcohol in them?”

Me: “You mean with [Brand Irish Whiskey], or [Brand of Creamy Liqueur] in them?”

Customer: “Yeah, those ones!”

Me: “Yeah, they’re called Irish coffee or liqueur coffee. Do you want one of them as well?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Have you done my coffee and chocolate thing yet?”

About To Swear Like A Sailor

, | Romantic | August 17, 2017

(I live in a college city with a harbor. Sometimes Navy vessels dock, and sailors get leave to come ashore for a while. I am in a college bar [a pickup joint, really], having drinks with a girl from my study group. She’s cuter than I am and gets jealous if any guy talks to me, often stealing the guy for the evening and then NOT going home with him. I figure if they’re stupid enough to abandon the girl who’s a seven for an eight, then they don’t deserve to get lucky. A group of sailors walks in and the cutest one starts talking to me. He’s made it clear that he’s looking for sex because he’s going to be on a ship for many months. I decide that I will do my civic duty and accommodate the young man. I don’t tell him, because I want him to work for it for a while, but I give clear signals that I am receptive. My companion does her jealous girl thing and steals the guy I was talking to. He gladly abandons me for the skinnier, cuter girl who is coming on to him, without knowing that she’s a total tease. I watch them dancing and drinking for several hours. He’s getting desperate because he has to be back on his ship before seven am. We go to leave and he puts his arms around my friend’s waist and pulls her close.)

Sailor Guy: *whispering something*

(My jealous friend smiles and strokes his face with her finger.)

Jealous Friend: “I’m not that kind of girl.”

(He looks horrified. As I pass by him I say this:)

Me: *looking him in the eye* “You picked the wrong girl.”

(He looked even more horrified realizing that he made a huge mistake and lost out on the chance to get naked with a female for an extended period of time.)

Using Alternative Words

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

Me: “Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “No, thank you. I was wondering, though, why are there so many alternative couples in here?”

Me: “Alternative?”

Customer: “Well, gay. I don’t like using that word though because it normalises the perverse.”

Me: “I see… Well, this is a gay bar, so that’s why there are so many gay couples.”

Customer: “Oh, an alternative bar! How interesting. Are you alternative?”

Me: “Yes, I’m gay.”

Customer: “How interesting!”

(Other than referring to anything gay as “alternative” she seemed quite pleased with everything and spent most of the evening with us.)

Checkout This Scam, Yet Again

| Australia | Right | July 25, 2017

(Our bar serves coffees throughout the day. During hot days we open the windows around the coffee machine, but usually don’t serve through them because people start to line up on the street and block the footpath. When it’s quiet and someone just wants a takeaway coffee, though, we can just quickly make one and pass it through the window. A businessman comes up to the window and asks for a coffee, hands me a hundred dollar bill, waits until I put it through the till, then gives me 50c in small change, which actually makes the change round perfectly to $96.00. I hand him two twenties, a fifty, and the coins, making sure I put the fifty dollar note on top and say the amount. As soon as I turn to the coffee machine, he interrupts.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me, you didn’t give me enough change. I paid with $100.”

(He shows me the notes he’s holding, just the two twenties. I’m actually stunned he managed to hide the fifty in less than half a second.)

Me: “No, I definitely gave you $96; I even showed you when I put the fifty on top.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. I don’t have a fifty. Look, it’s not in my wallet; it’s not here.”

Me: “I definitely gave you the fifty. Have a look on the floor. Could it have dropped? Blown out of your hand?” *there isn’t even a breeze*

Customer: “No, you didn’t give me the fifty.”

Me: “I’ll get my manager.”

(I explained that he was trying to scam us and my manager said he would double check the cameras to see if I handed him the note. A soon as I told the guy, he miraculously found the fifty on the floor by his feet, where he’d thoroughly checked and insisted it wasn’t, all without even looking down when he picked it up. We didn’t have a camera there either. After he left my manager said it happens a lot when they try to pay for something small with a huge note then give you change after you’ve processed it, to try to confuse you, and then insist you gave them the wrong change – though this time his loose change actually rounded the total nicely.)


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