County The Day Until You’re 21

, , , , , | Working | October 27, 2017

(My friend and I are going to a concert at a bar. I am 22. He is 19, so not of age, and has never learned to drive, nor has he ever left the country, so he has no driver’s license and no passport.)

Bouncer: “Tickets, please.”

(I hand him the tickets.)

Bouncer: “IDs?”

(I hand him my state-issued driver’s license. My friend hands him his county-issued ID.)

Bouncer: *points to me* “You’re good to go.” *points to friend* “I can’t let you in with this.”

Friend: “Why not? It’s a valid ID.”

Bouncer: “This doesn’t even look like a real ID. I’ve never seen one of these. It’s not even from this county.”

(We spend about five minutes arguing back and forth.)

Bouncer: “Okay, fine. I’ll let him in, but he’s not getting one of the ‘over 21’ bracelets.”

Me: “He’s NOT over 21.”

Friend: “Yeah, I’m 19.”

Me: “Just like the ID says.”

(The ticket guy realized he didn’t even read the information on the ID, glared, put the bracelet on me, and pointed at the entrance.)

Rabbiting On About Sizes

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, what is the difference between the large and small fish and chips?”

Me: “Erm, they are different sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, but what is the actual difference?”

Me: “Erm, well, there are fewer chips, and the fish is a bit smaller.”

Customer: “Thank you, young man. I will have the rabbit pie, please.”

A Date To Remember

, , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(It is currently July 2014. I am a Canadian visiting the US. My birthday is April 12, 1993, and since I’m from Canada my ID says “12/04/1993”. One day, I go to the bar.)

Bouncer: “Can I see some ID, please?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Here it is.”

(I hand him my ID.)

Bouncer: “Sorry, you can’t enter unless you’re 21 years old.”

Me: “But I am 21!”

Bouncer: “Sorry, your ID says that you’re only turning 21 in December.”

(I understand his mistake and I laugh.)

Me: “No, actually, I’m from Canada. I was born on April 12. The order of the dates go ‘day, month, year’ where I’m from.”

Bouncer: “How stupid do you think I am? Get out of here.”

(I ended up getting kicked out of the bar.)

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Went

, , , , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(I work at a bar.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be £14, please.”

Customer: “I’ll pay on my card.”

Me: *points to the sign behind me* “Cash only, sorry.”

Customer: “Is your machine broken?”

Me: “No, we don’t have a card machine.”

Customer: “But I paid by card last week.”

Me: “Doubt it.”

Customer: “You must be new. I used to pay by card all the time here.”

Me: “Well, I’ve worked here for five years. The bar itself has been open for seven. In that time, we have never had a card-machine. If you mean you paid by card at the strip-club that this venue used to be, then you would be right.”

Customer: “Erm… You sure your machine isn’t working?”

Me: *deadpan face*

(The customer walks away.)

Frying Up Some Dope Beats Tonight

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work at a student-run bar as a bartender. We’re doing a hamburger sale, so I’m frying hamburgers in an adjacent room of the bar. A customer comes up to me while I’m plunging hamburgers in a deep-fryer and says:)

Customer: “Hi, are you the DJ?”

(I couldn’t even answer.)

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