Can’t Acknowledge His Songs ‘Heartbeats’

| Crewe, England, UK | Friendly | April 20, 2016

(While in university in 2006 I have one friend who unfortunately over the long run turns about to be a real p****. Frequently he will go into arrogant rants about how he is so much better than us due to him liking different stuff. One night I, my other two housemates, this guy, and a female friend are all out in a bar. As usual this guy is pissed off about something unrelated (which happens often) and throughout the night he is either angrily mocking us or snapping at anything we say. Finally we get to talking about music; immediately this guy decides to put us down.)

Old Friend: “Don’t talk to me about music. You guys don’t know s*** about good music. Like you–” *points to female friend* “–with your f****** Christina Aguilera, you with your s***** Oasis, and you–” *points to one my male housemates* ” –liking those crappy old bands like Queen or Genesis. All people you like are f****** sellouts!”

Me: “Mate, just give it a rest!”

Old Friend: “Why don’t you f*** off! Face it, you know nothing about anything good. I like real music like Jose Gonzalez, Aphex Twins, and Boards of Canada! None of the people I like are f****** idiots who sell themselves out!”

(Our female friend is quite shy and not normally known for speaking out, but this time she comes up with a real zinger.)

Female Friend: “Didn’t Jose Gonzalez sell his music for a Sony commercial recently?”

Old Friend: “Yeah? So f***** what?”

Female Friend: “Well, that’s kinda how he became known recently; does that also make him a sellout?”

(The reaction on my old friend’s face was priceless! He went throughout every emotion possible before he stormed out while we laughed loudly. Sadly this was to become common in the last couple of years. Now none of us are on speaking terms with him. I will always remember his expression that night.)

The Misery Menu

| Germany | Working | April 7, 2016

(My mum and I just went for a fun run in a city we have never been to. Afterwards we decide to go out for a few drinks, and settle for a ‘beach bar’ on the river. The drinks and snack food menus are hung up all over the bar counter.)

Mum: “I’d like a [French pizza] and…”

Female Bartender: *cutting her off, sighing, and in a sharp voice* “No food.”

Mum: *hesitating* “But… it’s on the menu?”

Female Bartender: *sighing more heavily while rolling her eyes* “Well, yes. But we are out of [French pizza].”

Mum: “So… you still have everything else available?”

Female Bartender: “I guess…”

(My mum finishes her order and then turns to me so I can say what I’d like. Note that there is, weirdly enough, almost no audible music and everyone is keeping fairly quiet.)

Me: “I’d like a Gin ‘n’ Tonic and a Panini.”

Female Bartender: “Well, I didn’t understand a f****** word. Can you speak up or what?”

(Needless to say, we downed our drinks and left. If you are so miserable, why not work somewhere without contact to people?)

Mixing With Good Company

, | Hamilton, New Zealand | Right | April 7, 2016

(I’m training a new staff member on mixers that are common when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Keep arguing. I’m just trying to decide what I want.”

Me: “We’re not arguing; I’m just instructing [Coworker] here on common mixers.”

Customer: “What ones are you having issue with?”

Coworker: *who has recently told me she gets very nervous when a customer approaches* “All of them, really.”

Me: “We were going over Black Russians and Vodka Lime and Sodas.”

Customer: “Right I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

(My coworker and I pause because we’re unsure if he is being serious or not.)

Customer: *in a cheerful tone* “That’s terrible service. Let’s try that again shall we?” *walks back a few paces and comes to the bar again* “I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir!” *looks at me, looking confused*

Me: *to customer* “Would you like ice with those?”

Customer: *to coworker* “You’re very good at throwing your voice. Let’s try it again. *repeats leaving and coming back and ordering drinks*

(My coworker went about pouring the drinks for him and then I talked her through how to charge them. The customer then also ordered a Stella and charged it all to his room. He then left the bar AND his two original drinks and went and sat with his friends. We ended up throwing the drinks out – turned out he just wanted to give my coworker a chance to practice. Since we charge $12 for a Black Russian and $9 for a Vodka Lime and Soda, this was no cheap drink he tossed!)

Wish It Was More Than Just The Bottle To Go

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Right | March 25, 2016

Customer: “This chardonnay is very good.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it.”

Customer: “I really do.”

Me: “Well, we do a little promotion here. If you order a glass at the bar then get a bottle to go, we’ll give you 10% off on the bottle.”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “That particular wine is $20 a bottle.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll get a bottle.”

(I get a bottle and bag it for him.)

Customer: “Can you open it? I’d like to have a glass here.”

(This promotion is only for to-go bottles, furthermore, if you buy a bottle to drink at the bar that is under $30 there is a corkage fee. I realize the man has misunderstood me, but I decide it is an opportunity to do something nice and open the bottle at the to-go price as he says he only wants a glass. The customer then proceeds to pull a pretzel out of his bag and eat it at the bar although we do not allow outside food. He makes a mess all over the bar and proceeds to stay long enough to drink almost the entire bottle of chardonnay.)

Customer: “Excuse me, may I have my check, please?”

Me: “Sure, here you are.”

Customer: “This isn’t right. You said if I bought a bottle, the glass would be free.”

Me: “No, I said if you bought a bottle TO-GO your bottle would be 10% off. You bought a bottle and drank it here and I still gave you the discount. I also did not charge you the corkage fee that we customarily charge so you are really getting quite a deal.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer pays and leaves and does not tip. I think that I have seen the last of him but he comes in the next week when my boss is working and proceeds to try the same thing with her, saying that last week I had given him his glass FOR FREE when he bought a bottle. I had, of course, told her the whole story and she was able to reply that I had not and that has never been our policy. A week after that, he comes back again. When he goes to pull out his customary pretzel, my boss decides she has had enough.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t actually allow outside food here.”

Customer: “What? But you don’t have any food here!”

Owner: “Actually, we do. It’s on that section of your menu there.”

Customer: “Oh. But do you have soft pretzels?”

Owner: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I will not be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “I mean it.”

Owner: “All right.”

Customer: “I WON’T be back.”

Owner: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Hmmph.”

(He has never been back to demand free wine or soft pretzels again.)

Probably Knows Because Of Too Much Beer

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Friendly | March 18, 2016

(My friend likes to try different beers, so he’s trying one that was brewed in a local bar.)

Friend: “Wow, this beer is pretty nasty.”

Me: “Really? Let me try it?” *I take a sip* “Blech! This tastes like kitty litter!”

Friend: “Do I want to know how you know what kitty litter tastes like?”

Me: “No. No, you don’t.”

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