(so one man came up to the bar and asks for beer… kind of. this is how it went:)
Man:can, can i have a beer?
me:sure! what kind
Man: any, just, make it quick.
me: why is that sir?
Man: well… uh…. you see….. i um…. kinda crashed a car…. and i was trying to get drunk to make it look like i was drunk while driving when crashing the car.
me:sir, that’s illegal…
Man:YOU ARE F****** ILLEGAL B****.
me: woah. get out. you are not getting any beer, you already act drunk.
Man: WHO SAID I”M NOT DRUNK YOU LITTLE S***
(he got arrested… really wierd he started to flop around, and slur his words more through the conversation… air beer maybe…)
(A bar guest is apparently upset that his double drink cost more than his friend’s single mixer.)
Guest: “Please educate me. Why does my drink cost $3 more than my friend’s.”
Me: “Well, sir, you ordered a double; your friend ordered a single mixer.”
Guest: “What does that mean?”
Me: “It means your drink had twice as much alcohol, which we charged accordingly for.”
Guest: “I still don’t get it”
Me: “His drink had 1 ¼ oz of vodka, while yours had 2 1/2 oz. Our prices are based on how much alcohol you ordered.”
Guest: “Well, I drank mine faster than he drank his.”
Me: “Your drinking skills have no bearing on how much alcohol was in the drink.”
Guest: “Well, I don’t think that’s right.”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way?”
Guest: “What can you do to make this right?”
Me: “Suggest you order a beer next time?”
(I didn’t receive the greatest tip from this guy, to say the least.)
(I work in a pub that mainly caters to people drinking but also has a small menu for those looking to eat.)
Customer: “There’s not much on the menu for my family of vegans.”
Me: “I’d be happy to ask our chef to make some alterations for you.”
Customer: “Great, in that case we will have…” *lists four meals all with major alterations that come to resemble nothing from our menu*
Me: “Okay, I’ll see what we can do.”
(I speak to the kitchen and luckily they are happy to make these changes. During the wait, the customer comes up several times to ensure the food will be vegan-friendly. When I deliver the meals to their table…)
Me: “Here you go. Can I get anything else for you?”
Don’t Have A Cow, Man
(I am hosting the karaoke night at a suburban bar. It is popular now but was a ghost town the first several weeks. On a quiet night, I announce at 12:55 that I’m off the clock at 1:00, so to get the last couple songs in right away if anyone wanted to sing. No takers. At 1:05…)
Patron: “If I want to put in a song request, do I give it to you?”
Me: “Yes, but five minutes ago. I can’t get any more songs in; I’ve already shut down and started pulling the plugs.”
Patron: “Just turn it back on. It’s only like four switches.”
Me: “That easy, eh? Okay, go ahead. Turn it back on.”
Me: “Well if it’s that easy, go ahead and turn it back on. If you can do that, I’ll let you sing your song, and I’ll even waive my $50/hour overtime rate.”
Patron: “So I guess I’m singing that song next week?”
(I take my brother to the pub. He goes to get the first round, which includes a Coke.)
Brother: “Can I have [drinks] and a Coke, please.”
Bartender: “Is Pepsi okay?”
Brother: “Is Monopoly money okay?”
Bartender: “Right, get out. You’re barred.”
(He was allowed to stay after paying a fine into the tip-jar.)