They Can’t Elevate Their Positions

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | May 30, 2016

(While working in a bank’s head office, around twenty colleagues and I get stuck in the elevator.)

Me: *pressing security call button* “Hello, the elevator has stopped between floors and won’t restart.”

Security: “I apologize for that. We will tell maintenance to come let you out. Could you please tell me who all is in the elevator?”

Me: “[My Name], and [twenty other lower-level bank employees].”

Security: “Thank you. We will inform your managers.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Security hangs up.)

Man Behind Me: “You idiot! Why didn’t you name a manager or executive? We’re going to be stuck here for hours. They’re not going to rush for us!”

Me: “Oops.”

(He was right; we were in there for more than an hour. Next time I’m naming an executive or two!)

In For A Penny…

| MI, USA | Right | May 26, 2016

(I am working as a bank teller at a bank branch near our city’s mall, so a lot of my customers are mall employees either making deposits, getting change for their stores, or cashing their paychecks. I am waiting on a newer employee from of the men’s clothing stores, and since I didn’t know his name yet I had been referring to him (in my head) as Tie Guy.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Tie Guy: “I just need to get my paycheck cashed, please.”

Me: “No problem, it’ll be just a minute.” *I process his check through the computer* “Would you like it back any certain way?” *I always ask because some customers are extremely picky about their money*

Tie Guy: *jokingly* “American currency is fine.”

(I reach under my counter and pull out a $10 box of rolled pennies, which is pretty heavy and makes a loud thud when it hits the countertop.)

Me: *also jokingly* “I hope you brought a suitcase then. It’s going to take a lot of boxes.”

(Tie Guy just stares at the box, and then me for a few seconds, then starts laughing.)

Tie Guy: “Maybe I should be more specific next time?”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 13

| USA | Right | May 3, 2016

(I am a bank teller, and currently about six months pregnant.)

Customer: “When are you due?”

Me: “First week of November.”

Customer: “Wow, you’ve got a ways to go! Just one baby in there?”

Me: “Yes, just one.”

Customer: “My coworker is due in four days, and you’re a lot bigger than her. She’s always complaining, but she’s so much smaller than you! I’m going to tell her about the poor girl at the bank!”

Me: *still smiling* “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 12
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 11
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 10

A Fee(ble) Excuse

| Yankton, SD, USA | Right | May 2, 2016

(I work in a bank call center. More often than not, I get calls about people who want to appeal late fees on their credit cards.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to appeal my late fee on my credit statement.”

Me: “Sure thing. What is the reason you are appealing your late fee?”

Customer: “I forgot to pay my bill.”

Getting Breaking Bad Credit

, | Greenville, SC, USA | Right | April 28, 2016

(I work at a banking call center and we often get calls from people asking why their card isn’t working. In this case, our fraud system has blocked a card for suspicious use and the customer has called to find out what is going on.)

Customer: “Why did my card get blocked at [National Pharmacy Chain]?”

Me: “Well, you had a $850 purchase there one day and $1,500 the next. High dollar pharmacy purchases have a high risk of being flagged by our fraud system and causing your card to get blocked.”

Customer: “Why is that?”

Me: “One of the main reasons is because there are a lot of drugs that you can buy at a pharmacy that, when bought in enough quantity and mixed in combination with certain others or certain chemicals, can be used for illegal purposes. For example, pseudoephedrine is a key ingredient in making methamphetamines.”

Customer: “Is making meth illegal?”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

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