I do tech support for one of the big Banks in Europe. We support around a dozen apps, websites and the like. We also support a banking software aimed at medium to large businesses.

Me: “This is [My Name] from [Banking Software Support], what can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hey, I use [Banking Software Support] on my laptop and I’m sending the computer in for repairs. Is there any possibility to get the login protected by a password or something like that?”

You can’t even disable the login prompt, because its required to be there by law.

Me: “If you aren’t using a password to login, how do you even open the program?”

Caller: “What do you mean? I just click the icon and I’m in.”

Me: “Can we do a team-viewer session?”

Caller: “Sure, but can’t you just tell me how to enable it?”

Sure, if you tell me what magic you are using to login without a password in the first place.

Me: “I just want to see your login procedure first.”

Team-viewer starts, the customer starts the software, and a login window appears. The caller starts entering their credentials.

Me: “Stop! What are you doing right now?”

Caller: “I entered my… Oh… Oh s***… I guess I totally wasted your time.”

Related:
Do Not Password, Do Not Pass Go

This story reminded me of a time I had a similar issue with the DMV. They wanted two forms of proof of my residence. I had the lease, but nothing else. All my mail goes to a post office box, so when I move I don’t have to change my address at thirty places and worry that mail will still go to the old address. My rent includes utilities, so no bill comes to me for those, either.

Clerk: “Do you have a bank statement that lists your residence?”

Off I went to the bank. I asked them to change the address on the account, for which they requested no proof or validation. I then had them print a current statement showing that address on their letterhead. Then, I had them change the address on file back to my mailing address.

The DMV accepted this document as authoritative and issued my license.

Related:
Your First Mistake Was Expecting The DMV To Make Sense

I go to the bank one day, and the armored car guy has blocked all of the disabled parking spots! It’s winter, it’s icy, and I am on crutches after leg surgery. As I’m driving past, feeling annoyed, I see the driver actually getting out of the vehicle.

Me: “Excuse me. You’re parked diagonally over three disabled parking spots. Do you mind moving so that I—”

Before I can finish speaking, he flips me the one-fingered salute.

It takes me a while to process that he actually just did that, but then I take a picture of him and his truck, and from my phone, I email the armored car company — after I have parked, of course!

I get a call the next morning from an unknown number.

Caller: “Hi, this is [Armored Car Company]. Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “I am.”

Caller: “Hi. We’re calling to let you know that we fired the driver at the end of his shift yesterday. That was the third complaint about him specifically doing that!”

Me: “Oh, wow.”

Caller: “We didn’t want him representing our company or our vehicles like that. Thanks for making us aware!”

The next week, I was at the bank again, and the same car was there — this time parked properly!

I have recently gotten remarried and have had a name change along with it. Because of the cost of divorce, and since my ex and I are on really good terms, I only got divorced a couple of months ago. This means that in the span of three or four months, my name has changed twice: from [Married Name #1] to my maiden name, and then to [Married Name #2]. Now that I’ve finally gotten my state ID, I’m trying to get my name changed at the bank.

Me: “What do I need to get my name changed? Is my new and old ID enough, or do I need a copy of my marriage certificate?”

Teller: “I think we need your certificate.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll bring it next time. I’m just cashing this check, then.”

This check has my maiden name on it; however, my debit card still has [Married Name #1] on it because I haven’t received the new one yet.

The teller looks at my check and my debit card.

Teller: “These names don’t match.”

Me: “I know. I haven’t gotten my new card yet, but I should be in the system under [Maiden Name].”

Teller: “You’re not.”

Me: “I’m not? I thought I changed it months ago. I have my old ID and the yellow papers if that helps.”

Teller: “I can’t cash it if the name doesn’t match.”

Me: “I cash at this branch all the time. How is it just a problem this time? I have all my papers, and I’ve been a customer here since before my first marriage; you probably still have my old name in your files.”

Teller: “I can’t cash it if the name doesn’t match.”

Me: *Getting flustered and upset now* “Then can I cash it like I don’t bank here?”

Teller: “I can’t cash it if the name doesn’t match!”

Me: “It does match my ID!”

Teller: “You can talk to my manager.”

Me: “Fine.”

I then proceed to wait for nearly ten minutes for the manager to appear. As she approaches me in the seating area, she starts talking to me loudly from about thirty feet away without even hearing what I have to say.

Manager: “We can’t cash your check if the name doesn’t match!”

Me: *Getting angry* “Whatever. I’m going to a different branch! You’re all idiots here!”

Not only did I not have a problem cashing my check at a different branch, but when I went later in the week with all of my papers — the divorce papers as well as my new marriage papers — to my preferred branch, I was told that my name in the system WAS currently under my maiden name and there shouldn’t have been any problem cashing my check at the first place. The banker said she’d put copies of the forms in my file just in case anyway.

I work in the call center for a credit card company.

Caller: “I want to dispute some charges on my credit card statement! They’re not mine!”

He specifies some items that I recognize from my many years in the game to be from a strip club, and this particular venue is in Las Vegas. None of that information can be gleaned from the discreet information given on the statement, however.

Me: “Sir, I can see the charges. Can I confirm where you live?”

Caller: “New York! Nowhere near Las Vegas! And I would never go to a filthy strip club! I’m a good Christian husband!”

Me: “Sir, I never specified that these charges are from an adult entertainment venue in Las Vegas. How did you know they were?”

Caller: “Well… I… You see…”

Me: “…”

Caller: “…s***.” *Click*