This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

| Lexington, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(As I finish up opening an account with the minimum opening deposit for a brand new customer at my in-store bank, I explain about EVERYTHING that I give him: disclosures, business card, signature card, and starter checks.)

Me: “Here are your starter checks. A lot of places won’t take them, since they don’t have your name or address printed on them, but they will work to get direct deposit set up with your employer; just write your name and addresses across the top of the check and VOID across the check.”

Customer: “So, I can use these to pay for things, right?”

Me: “Once you’ve deposited some more money in your account, you can order regular checks that more places will accept. Right now, you would have to check with the retailer. Some places might take them for smaller amounts.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(Ten minutes later, a store employee calls me.)

Employee: “Can you verify a check for me? I know you aren’t supposed to, but the customer says you just told him he could write a check here.”

Me: “I can try. What’s the account and amount?”

Employee: “It’s [account I just opened] for $4,250.”

Me: “Yeah, not going to happen. Send him back up here and I’ll see if I can explain it better.”

(The customer returns.)

Customer: “Well, you gave me checks, so I figured I had better use them and get the stuff I needed. Our TV broke.”

Me: “As of right now, your account only has $25 in it, so you can’t write a check for more than that.”

Customer: “I have to put money in my account?!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35

Not In Concert With Her Purchases

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “What is this $295 charge from [Ticket Broker]?! I did not make that!”

Me: “I can help you with that. It says they were for Beyonce tickets. Do you remember making this charge?”

Customer: “No, I did not do that!”

Me: “Did you lose your card?”

Customer: “Yes, duh!”

Me: “When was the last time you used the card?”

Customer: “I don’t know… What has that got to do with anything?”

Me: “If you lost the card, the last charge you made would be the best place to start. When did you find out the card was lost?”

Customer: “Today.”

Me: “Okay, is the $400 ATM withdrawal yesterday yours?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s mine; that was the last time I had my card. I must have lost it after that.”

Me: “Well… the [Ticket Broker] charge was done two days before that. So the charge was done before you lost the card. Are you sure you did not buy Beyonce tickets?”

Customer: “Uh… I could have. Maybe I just forgot… Bye!”

Me: *thinking, how can one forget buying concert tickets three days ago?*

Making You Feel Very Small (Talk)

| NM, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(This was a few years ago when I was a receptionist at a bank. Sometimes people would come in and ignore friendly conversation. After a while, this gets on my nerves. I had a few ways of dealing with people like this.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Karen.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Karen.”

Me: “Are you dropping something off for Karen? Picking something up from Karen? Does Karen have paperwork for you to sign? Do you have paperwork for Karen to sign? Does Karen need to notarize something for you? Is Karen opening an account for you? Do you need Karen to do a Signature Guarantee for you? Is Karen closing an account for you? Do you have a meeting with Karen? Would you like to speak with Karen?”

Customer: “Uh… meeting.”

Me: *with a sigh* “Okay.”