Insert Yourself Into Their Job

| London, England, UK | Working | April 1, 2017

(I enter my local bank to make an appointment.)

Me: “Hi, could I please make an appointment for tomorrow? I need to talk over my insurance account.”

Receptionist: “Yes, we have a slot available. Could you please hand me your debit card, so I can register it?”

(He takes the debit card and tries to insert it to the reader the wrong way, so the chip doesn’t enter it. Of course, the reader shows an error.)

Me: “Um, I think you inserted it the wrong way.”

Receptionist: *cheerfully* “No, it doesn’t matter how you put it in. Our readers are sometimes acting up, I’ll try again.”

(He inserts it again, this time magnetic strip up. Machine shows error.)

Me: *not wanting to cause a scene, as the receptionist is very young and I don’t want to get him in trouble* “Sorry, but could I please try myself?”

Receptionist: “Sure. Maybe you have a luckier hand with this thing!”

(I insert the card and the reader validates it.)

Receptionist: “Oh, wow, maybe the direction does matter with this machine! Have a nice day!”

Will Tell The Truth For A Few Dollars More

| USA | Working | March 31, 2017

(In the mid-’90s, I was to inherit a significant sum of money, but it had to be transferred electronically to a bank account. Since I had no such account at the time, I visited the corner bank and opened one.)

Me: “What is the minimum balance without incurring a fee?”

Bank Officer: “$100.”

(I deposited $100 to hold the account open. The inheritance was delayed longer than I expected, and a month or so later I discovered that my balance was $99! I visited the bank to ask what was going on.)

Bank Officer: “You didn’t have the minimum balance in your account, so there was a $1 fee.”

Me: “You told me the minimum balance was $100, so that’s what I deposited.”

Bank Officer: “No, you have to have OVER the ‘minimum balance’ or you are charged.”

Me: “Okay. Lesson learned. Please close the account and give me my $99.”

Bank Officer: “Oh, that’s not necessary. We’ll refund the $1 fee!”

Me: “No, I prefer to close the account. We’ve already established that you lie to customers, so I choose not to do business with you.”

The Pen-Pushing Of Crimes

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Related | March 24, 2017

(My sister runs into the car after depositing a cheque into the bank.)

Sister: “I just stole from the bank.”

Me: “What?!”

Sister: “Will I get in trouble?”

Me: “Uh… ya! How much did you take?”

Sister: “A pen!” *bursts out laughing*

Me: “GET OUT!”

Not Banking On Their Security

| UK | Working | March 21, 2017

(I was in town shopping and realised I’d forgotten my pin number, so I went into the local branch of my bank to withdraw some money.)

Me: *handing my card over* “Could I take out £10, please?”

Banker: “Absolutely, I’ll just have your account details and sort that out for you.”

(After a minute of her putting my details into a computer she hands me a receipt and asks me to sign.)

Me: “Don’t I need to give you any ID?”

Banker: “Not at all. That’s all sorted for you. Have a nice day.”

(I dread to think about how many people have had money stolen just because they didn’t ask for any personal details or ID!)

Juices And Staplers And Moles… Oh My!

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Working | March 19, 2017

(I’d made an appointment to meet with an investment specialist at my local bank.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to meet with Mr. [Name]. Is he in?”

Employee: “Well, you’ve got me instead!” *laughs* “Do you mind if I drink my juice?”

Me: “No, go right ahead.”

Employee: “Thanks! I’m on a juice cleanse to lose weight. I miss eating.”

Me: “I bet…”

Employee: “Fruit and veggies are SO expensive! Can you believe how much apples are? They used to be $3/pound, now they’re $5/pound! That adds up, you know?”

Me: “Sure.”

Employee: “Anyway, let’s talk about your finances.”

Me: “Okay!” *thinking “Finally …”*

Employee: *suddenly stares at her arm* “Is that a new mole? Uh-oh!” *stares a bit longer* “Anyway, your finances. Sign here, please, and I’ll just staple the papers— OH, NO!”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “Argh! My coworkers think that it’s FUNNY to hide my stapler. I brought it from another branch, because it’s a great stapler. Technically I guess it was stealing, but I didn’t really TAKE it; I just MOVED it, see? But now I can’t find it and I have to use this crappy stapler.”

Me: “That’s too bad…”

Employee: “People tell me that I’m way too chirpy and friendly to work at a bank, but I just love people! Anyway, that’s all I need from you. Have a great day! Byeeee!”

(I was so glad to get out of there. I just hope that she was actually a bank employee and not some weirdo who wandered in off the street.)

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