I Just Can’t “People” Today

, , , | Right | June 20, 2019

(I’m a teller. The phone rings at my station.)

Me: “[Bank] on [Street], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Account balance!”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll just need you to confirm some information—“

Customer: “Two! Two! Option two!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “YOU’RE NOT A COMPUTER!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I work at [Branch] on [Street]. Do you have your account number, so that I can give you a balance?”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to you! I want to talk to the computer! TRANSFER ME TO THE COMPUTER!”

Me: “Well, our automated banking number is [number], but I can give you a balance—“

Customer: “NO! I don’t like humans!” *hangs up*

(I look around and notice several of my coworkers are giggling.)

Me: “And they say we’re too automated…”

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They Should Be Fired

, , , , , | Working | June 11, 2019

(I am a tenancy support worker and one of the people I have been supporting, unfortunately, had a house fire a few days before this happened. They have had to move to a temporary flat with barely anything and cannot access their previous property until after the investigations are complete. Several days after the fire, I am with the tenant ringing various companies to change their address, cancel payments, and generally try to get things sorted. Near the top of our list is changing the address on the bank account.)

Me: *after going through security, etc.* “We just need to change the address on the account, as the previous address is unsafe to access.”

Bank: “Unfortunately, as telephone banking has not been set up, I am unable to do this for you over the phone. Their local branch can do this for you; just take two forms of ID and proof of your new address.”

Me: “They don’t have any ID; all they have is their bank card because there was a fire.”

Bank: “Alternatively, you could write to the head office with copies of your ID and change of address and they will process it within three weeks.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re quite understanding the situation. There was a fire. Everything was destroyed or is currently inaccessible and will be for several months. We need to change the address on the account as we cannot access any post that goes to the property.”

Bank: “And we will be happy to do that once they take ID into the local branch.”

Me: “What part of ‘there was a fire’ are you not understanding?”

(We went round in this circle several more times, including with the supervisor, getting nowhere. In the end, I hung up. We are going to go to the local branch with every piece of paperwork the tenant has left and hoping that someone there has enough common sense to understand why fire plus paperwork doesn’t have a good outcome!)

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Unfiltered Story #154176

, , | Unfiltered | June 10, 2019

I’m the idiot customer here. This was back when online banking was new and I still got paper statements in the mail monthly.

I’ve always been taught to reconcile bank statements with paper receipts to ensure that everything is correct. As I am going through the months receipts I discover that desposit is not on the statement. Concerned I bring the statement and the receipt to the bank. I show the statement and receipt and the banker starts looking into the matter.

“Oh,” the banker points to the date.

The date was for over one year ago! Somehow I never pulled that receipt when I cleaned out the old year.

Never felt so stupid in my life. I don’t I could have apologized enough. At least he was nice about saying it was a good thing to always review statements.

Unfiltered Story #153764

, , | Unfiltered | June 8, 2019

(Our ATM is in the 4th lane and there is an old system still there for sending out a tube but it is no longer in service)

Woman pulls up in to lane one on a very busy Saturday morning.

Woman: Didn’t you see me!?

Me: I’m sorry, what do you mean?

Woman: I was in lane 4 pressing the call button and no one was answering, I want to cash this check.

Me: I’m sorry about that, we can take care of that for you, no problem, Lane 4 is our ATM only that tube is no longer in service. (There isn’t even a tube out there anymore)

Woman: Well you guys saw me and you just let me sit there.

Me: No ma’am there were cars in the first two lanes I did not see you.

Woman: (She points to my coworker who was taking care of another customer) Well she saw me and she is just standing there doing nothing)

At this point I just want to get her out of there so I cached her check and proceeded to tell her that Lane 4 is an ATM only, have a good weekend.

The Bank Where Nothing Makes Sense Is EVERY Bank

, , , | Right | May 28, 2019

(The branch manager is out, so I’m considered the “supervisor on duty,” as I’m a lead teller. The phone rings. One of my coworkers grabs it.)

Coworker: “[Branch] in [Town], this is [Coworker]… You want the balance on your boyfriend’s account? Are you on the account with him?… I’m sorry, I can’t give that information out unless he approves it…Yes, really… It’s a violation of our privacy policy…He can add you, but he would need to come in and speak to a banker… I’m sorry, our manager has stepped out, but I can take a message and… Yes, I am new… Please hold.” *puts the phone down and turns to me* “Can you talk to this lady? She won’t talk to me anymore because I’m new.”

Me: “No problem.” *picks up the call* “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “Finally! I need the balance on my boyfriend’s account.”

Me: “Are you on the account with him?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give that information out unless he approves it with us beforehand.”

Customer: “But I’ve done it before! He asked me to!”

Me: “Technically, it’s a violation of our privacy policy to give out information about an account that doesn’t belong to you.”

Customer: “Oh. I was not aware of that.”

Me: “He can always add you to the account, but he’d need to stop by a branch and speak to a banker.”

Customer: “He can? Great! I’ll talk to him about that later. You’ve been so helpful, [My Name], thank you!” *hangs up*

(My coworker is staring at me, mouth open.)

Coworker: “You said almost exactly what I said.”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “She didn’t listen to me. She listened to you.”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “GAH!”

Me: “Welcome to [Bank] in [Town], where nothing makes sense!”

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