I work in a bank call center. I recently had a call with a customer I’ll call Ms. Not Prepared.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [My Name]; how can I assist you?”

Ms. Not Prepared: “Hi! I need three months of statements showing what I get from [Company] and that it’s deposited into this account.”

Me: “I’d be happy to assist you with that. May I have your Social Security number and name, please?” *Verifies the account* “All right, Ms. Not Prepared, let me get those statements sent out. Are you still at [123 I Don’t Plan Ahead Street]?”

Ms. Not Prepared: “NO, NO, NO! I need them faxed to [number]! This is urgent!”

Oooookay…

Me: “Unfortunately, Ms. Not Prepared, we do not fax or email statements. I can mail them out and you’ll receive them in seven to ten days or, this being a time-sensitive issue, you can also access up to three months on the website. Do you have a profile?”

Ms. Not Prepared: “Look, [My Name], I’m disabled. I don’t know how to do that kind of stuff. I need these today. I need them for my apartment. I will be evicted!”

Me: “I’d be happy to set up a call from our web support team; they will walk you through registering. If you’re not comfortable with that, I’ve submitted the request for statements, and you will receive them in seven to ten days.”

Ms. Not Prepared: “Who do I need to talk to so these get faxed today? I don’t believe you can’t send them!”

Me: “Ma’am, no one will be able to do that here. You can access statements on the website or wait for them in the mail.”

Ms. Not Prepared: “So, you’re going to make me homeless and you don’t care? I want your supervisor!”

Me: “All right, I’ve reached out and have a supervisor ready for you now. I have explained the issue, and they said they would be happy to set up a call from web support since I’ve already sent the statements”

Ms. Not Prepared: “F*** YOU!” *Hangs up*

If you’re buying a car, signing a lease, or whatever, and you need bank statements, it is literally your fault if you wait until the day you need them to request them. I get this exact issue multiple times a day. I had one lady screaming that my company did it years ago and there are exceptions to every rule. Yes, we make exceptions for all FIFTY MILLION account holders on a daily, ma’am. Yes, that’s how it works…

I have a stammer, and I have good and bad days. As I’ve gotten older, it has improved, but it is still there, waiting for a moment to pounce. Unfortunately, there are still many who think those with a stammer are somehow a bit “slow” or incapable of doing a good job.

I work in a bank. We are short-staffed, so to keep the front office running and not inconvenience customers, I have to leave my normal job and take over the “meet and greet” desk. It’s a really busy branch, and the queues are always long no matter how many staff we have out front.

To make matters worse, the air conditioning isn’t working, and everyone, customers and staff alike, is sweltering in the summer heat. Like everyone else, my tie is loosened, my sleeves are rolled up, and I am jacketless.

I have just finished dealing with one customer when a smartly-dressed woman pushes her way to the front of the queue, nudging the person who should have been next out of the way.

Me: *Very politely* “Please wait your turn while I serve this woman.”

This doesn’t go down well, and the pusher starts kicking off, demanding more staff be brought out as:

Customer: “I am a very important customer of this bank!”

I ignore her and continue dealing with the other woman, who simply rolls her eyes in sympathy for me. When she leaves, the pusher lives up to her name and again pushes ahead of the next in line, demanding to be seen first and repeating her claim to be important.

Me: “Ma’am, go to the back of the queue and wait your turn like these patient people who were here before you. Next customer, please.”

In an instant, she goes ballistic, shouting about how I swore at her. She starts marching around the queues trying to wind up the already hot and bothered customers and staff. Up and down she stomps, loudly demanding to see the manager. All this time, the list of my misdeeds lengthens to the point where one would think I had physically assaulted her.

Eventually, she makes so much noise that the Operations Manager comes out to see what’s going on.

Operations Manager: “What’s going on? How can I be of assistance?”

Immediately, her manner changes, becoming charming and superior.

Customer: “Your teller has been rude. I demand that he apologise and be reprimanded. I want to make a formal complaint and be seen in a private room.”

Trying to defuse the situation and calm the atmosphere in the banking hall, he takes her into the main interview room. After a few minutes, another staff member comes out to relieve me, saying I have to go into the room.

I knock and enter. The woman, now obviously feeling in control of the situation, points at me.

Customer: “Yes, that’s him. I want him dismissed or put on report; otherwise, I’m writing to your Head Office.”

[Operations Manager] looks at me sadly and shakes his head.

Operations Manager: “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not, you’re the branch manager, aren’t you?”

Operations Manager: “No, I’m the operations manager.”

Unsurprisingly, she kicks off again, demanding to speak to the “real” manager, not one of the “juniors.”

Me: “I’ll get him for you.”

I leave the room, and a few minutes later, I return, sleeves rolled down and buttoned, tie done up, and jacket on, as I want to look my best for the explosion and dressing down that’s to follow.

Customer: “Where is he?”

She’s looking around to see if anyone is behind me.

Me: “Ma’am, I am the branch manager, and I am giving you one month’s notice to make alternative banking arrangements. I don’t want people like you in my banking hall. You will receive a letter from me in the post. Good day to you, and don’t forget to get to the back of the queue on your way out.”

Her face was a picture. [Operations Manager] just smiled, having played his part to perfection. Things rarely go perfectly, but when they do, the feeling is priceless.

I am in line behind this guy at the drive-thru bank. He’s driving an expensive luxury car.

Customer: “I’m making a deposit.”

The teller starts writing something down as he works.

Customer: “That’s a nice pen. Can I have it?”

Teller: “No. It’s mine.”

Customer: “Fine. Then I am coming inside and taking all of the money out of all of my accounts.”

And he screeches around the corner, parks in the disabled bay, and marches in. I am now speaking to the teller.

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

Teller: “This is a Mont Blanc given to me by my now-passed grandmother. I never let this out of my sight.”

Me: “Yeah, it was crazy of him to ask for that. Is he really closing all his accounts?” 

Teller: “It looks like it! My manager looks happy; we’ve been trying to lose this jerk for years.”

I’m met with the unpleasant surprise of having less than $10 in my bank account, which isn’t right at all. I then notice that I was charged a courtesy fee — sometimes called an overdraft fee — and I immediately go to the bank, because the math just is not mathing correctly, no matter how I slice it.

Me: “Hello. I was wondering if you could help me with this courtesy fee I’ve got. See, I was charged an overdraft fee yesterday, but I shouldn’t have been.”

Clerk: “Well, I see here that you had items pending. Those do get taken into account, so if you charged something to your card, that money is still gone and we charge a fee if you overdraft.”

Me: “I understand that, but my question is this: do you charge an overdraft fee only if the account is in the negative?”

Clerk: “Yes, only if there is no money or not enough in the account to cover a purchase do we charge a fee.”

Me: “Then how did an overdraft fee wind up on my account and get taken out, but I am not in the negative?”

Clerk: “Pending purchases do count, I’m afraid.”

Me: “No, I understand that. But on [date], I was charged $33 for a courtesy fee, and as you can see from my statements, I was not overdrawn. And here, yesterday, it happened again. My account has not been negative once in the past three months, but you’ve charged me an overdraft fee four times, starting on [date].”

Clerk: “Um… Oh… Yeah, I can see… Hmm…”

Me: *After a pause* “Perhaps a supervisor could help?”

Clerk: “Yeah, I’m gonna call my manager…”

After the manager arrives and reviews my account statements, he makes a few phone calls.

Manager: “Ma’am, I am so very sorry. I have no idea what happened, but you’re absolutely correct. There was no reason you should have been charged overdraft fees. We’ll refund those fees immediately.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Manager: “We will not be able to waive any other fees for you at this time, as this is a courtesy, so—”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say you were refunding the money you took from me as a courtesy?”

Manager: “This is a one-time courtesy we can do for you. Is there anything else I can help you with at this time?”

Me: “Yes, I would like to close my account. If you’re going to charge me overdraft fees incorrectly and then say that I’m getting the money back as a courtesy, I would like to bank elsewhere. I’ll take my account balance as a cashier’s check.”

I walked across the street to the local credit union, where I got an extra hundred bucks for signing up with them. I’ve never had a single issue with them.

I’m at the bank behind a VERY muscular, VERY tall man.

Man: *In a low, gruff voice* “I wanna have all the money.”

I take a step back, as does the bank teller, as the customer pulls something out of his back pocket. He looks around and blinks as the bank has suddenly gotten VERY quiet and all eyes are on him. And then, apparently, the penny drops.

Man: *Now very quickly and flustered* “In my account! The money in my account! I wanna close my account! This is my card!”

He almost destroys the wallet he pulled from his pocket in the hurry to produce the card.

Man: “Here! The money in my account! Only the money in my account!”