Obeys Instructions To The Letter

, | Liverpool, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I’m in the security department and from time to time we send letters out to customers if we need to check transactions are genuine.)

Me: “[Bank] Security. You’re speaking to [My Name] in Liverpool; can I take your name, please?”

Customer: “I’ve got a letter, here.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll just be wanting to check some transactions on your account, just to make sure everything is genuine.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’ll just be a security check. Is that what the letter says?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(I assumed at this point that perhaps he couldn’t read so I was about to explain further when…)

Customer: “Should I open it?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Should I open the letter?”

Me: “Uh.. well… yes.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know. Thanks, bye!”

(I feel bad, because I didn’t tell him to read it after opening it, and didn’t visit his address and personally type in our phone number for him, either.)

Doesn’t Know Zip About His Code

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I am processing a customer’s application and realize his zip code on his account is ****6 but the one on his application is ****1. Wanting to correct the mistaken one I ask him.)

Me: “Excuse me. Sir, what is your zip code?”

Customer: “It’s ****4.”

Me: “Sir, you put ****1 on your application and our account is showing ****6. That’s 3 different zip codes.

Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter. They are all the same city, so I just give whichever one pops into my head first.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 46

| Eugene, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work as a teller, and one of my jobs is to field phone calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]; this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to make an online purchase with my debit card and it’s not working! I need you to fix this.”

Me: “Well, sir, it sounds like your card may be blocked. I can transfer—”

Customer: *interrupting* “No! This is a brand new card; I just got it today from the bank. Now they told me it would work, and it doesn’t!”

Me: “That’s odd, let me…”

Customer: “And another thing! How do you get away with issuing already expired cards?”

Me: “Well, sir, our temporary cards expire after a set time, but they are always good when issued.”

Customer: “No! This one says February 18th, right on there! Now today is the 24th, which means this is expired!”

Me: *face-palm* “Sir… all cards list the expiration date as month and year. That is February of 2018 listed on the card, and I assure you if you use that date you will be able to make your purchase.”

Customer: “That’s… that’s not what I was told! I was told this would expire this year!”

Me: “Yes, sir. The temporary card will. However it must have the same expiration date listed on it as the permanent card with the same number that is being mailed to you. I promise, February of 2018 will work.”

Customer: “Well… I suppose I’ll try it. But that’s darn foolish!” *click*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 45
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 44
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 43

Common Sense Takes A Holiday

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank]; how may I direct your call?”

Elderly Customer: “So today is not a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we are open.”

Elderly Customer: “Well, I tried to call my doctor’s office and they aren’t answering. Are you sure it’s not a holiday?”

Me:“Yes, ma’am, I am positive that it is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “I was wondering why you would be answering the phone if it was a holiday.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you today is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “Is Monday a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, there are no bank holidays at all this month.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Elderly Customer: “Why won’t my doctor answer the phone?”

Wasn’t Banking On The Wrong Store

| Burlington, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

(Everyone at my branch says the name of our bank and the street we’re on when we answer the phone. Not everyone pays attention.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank] on [Street]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, where are you at?”

Me: “[Address]?”

Customer: “No, what’s the landmark?”

Me: “We’re in the [Supermarket] plaza.”

(The customer hangs up on me, only to call back half an hour later.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling the [Street] branch of [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah I’m at [Plaza]. Do I have to go into another store to get to you or something?”

Coworker: “No. We’re right between [Store A] and [Store B].”

(The customer hangs up on her and calls back two minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank] on [Street]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Where the h*** are you?! I’m standing in front of [Two Stores Down] and I. Do. Not. See. You!”

Me: “We’re right between [Store A] and [Store B]. Look straight down.”

Customer: *seriously pissed off* “NO! The only thing between [stores A and B] IS [BANK]! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Me: “This is [Bank].”

Customer: “What. No you’re not. I called [Cell Phone Store].”

Me: “Um, no. This is definitely [Bank].”

Customer: “Oh, F*** YOU!” *click*

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