An Affair To Remember

| MI, USA | Working | May 10, 2017

(One of my work duties is a monthly bank deposit of the miscellaneous cash collected by various departments on our campus. This usually involves a very large stack of small bills. This time, the teller isn’t familiar with my company and my routine.)

Bank Teller: “Good morning; how can I help you?”

Me: “Deposit to [account number], please.”

(I start taking bundles of $1 and $5 bills out of my briefcase; almost $4000 total.)

Bank Teller: “Lots of singles; did you have a fair or something?”

Teller #2: *drops a tray of coins* “What?!”

Bank Teller: “I asked if he had a fair. Like a carnival or something. That’s a lot of small bills.”

Teller #2: “Oh, god, I thought you asked him if he was having an affair.”

Me: “I’m not, but if either of you is offering…”

Caught In The Middle

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Related | May 2, 2017

(I am about five or so years old, and spend most of my time with my Nana while my mother is at work. We’re running errands and currently at a bank.)

Teller: “All right, Annamarie, please sign here and you’ll be good to go!”

Me: *piping up from below the counter* “Her name isn’t Annamarie; it’s Nana!”

(I was doubly confused because my middle name is the same as my Nana’s first. Needless to say it was also the day I learned ‘mommy’ wasn’t my mother’s name!)

Has Got You Bleat

| OR, USA | Right | April 20, 2017

(While I’m processing a deposit:)

Me: “So, how’s your morning going so far?”

Customer: *cheerfully matter-of-fact* “Oh, good. No dead babies this morning!”

Me: “I… don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: “I was helping give birth to goat babies at five am this morning.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: *after he leaves* “Why would you say that?!”

Storming Through The Transaction

| NH, USA | Right | April 12, 2017

(I work at a bank that’s open seven days a week and very rarely closes, even in terrible weather. We closed for one day because of a bad storm; even the governor had called a state of emergency. This is the day after closing.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how’s it going today? Just the deposit?”

Customer: “It would be going much better if you didn’t close yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately the weather did not permit us to open.”

Customer: “Well, it’s too bad for you, then! I had to drive ALL THE WAY to [Different Bank 5 minutes away] to deposit my $300,000 check. You guys will NEVER see a penny of that!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Was there anything else I could help you with today?”

Customer: “NO! Next time, don’t close! I’ve been a customer for 20 years and you MADE me go somewhere else.”

(At this point I’m just agitated that we’ve finished the transaction, there’s a line forming, and he won’t shut up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What would you like me to do? I have no power over the weather. I’m sorry to hear you risked your life driving to deposit that check. Next time I’ll ask Mother Nature to stop snowing so we can open just for you.”


(And with that, he left. By far the strangest conversation I’ve had with someone while working there. The next customer tried to cheer me up by jokingly telling me they were taking their business elsewhere because we closed during a major snowstorm!)

Well… Maybe After Brexit…

| NC, USA | Right | April 6, 2017

(I overhear a conversation between a coworker and a customer at the teller line:)

Customer: “I’m actually moving to a different country soon.”

Coworker: “Oh, what country are you moving to?”

Customer: “London.”

(I really hope she figures out London isn’t a country before she moves there!)

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