“Check” The Date

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2019

(We have recently been reminded of the importance of following check-cashing rules, as one branch in the next county took a huge loss for cashing a large stolen check. A customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to cash this.”

(I notice that the check is post-dated for the next week. We are not allowed to cash these until the date written on the check.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but this check is dated for next week.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “[Bank] regulations state that I can’t cash a check that is dated in the future. I would suggest going back to the person who wrote you the check and seeing if they can get you a new one. Or, you can hold onto it until next week.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just change the date? I’ll do that right now!”

Me: “Um, sir, you actually can’t do that. It’s against federal—“

(Before I can stop him, he starts scribbling out the date and writing in a new one. The check is now considered an “altered check,” and cashing it would go against federal bank regulations. I could get fired for cashing it.)

Customer: *proudly* “THERE! Fixed!”

Me: “I still can’t cash it.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?!”

Me: “As I was trying to explain, you can’t change any information on a check you haven’t written. It’s now an altered check, and per federal regulations, we can’t accept it. Whoever cashes it could get fired. I have to tell you to go get a new check now.”

Customer: “What if I go to another branch and find someone else to do it? HUH? What then?”

Me: “Then you could get another teller in trouble, sir. Please don’t—“

(The customer runs out the door, shouting that he’s going to go to another branch, and I’ll never guess which one. I sigh, pick up the phone, and call the manager at the only other branch in the area.)

Me: “Hey, [Customer] is coming your way with an altered check. I saw him do it. I told him he had to get a new check, but he ran out of here shouting that he was going to go to another branch…”

Manager: “Oh, we know him. I’ll have a chat with him when he gets here. Thanks!”

(They made him go get a new check. He was shocked that they knew what was happening when he showed up.)

That Exiled Prince In Nigeria Will Be Very Upset About This

, , , , , | Right | April 3, 2019

(My boss has left early, so it’s just me — a banker — and the tellers on duty. One of our regular customers, an attorney, walks in and asks for a banker. POA stands for Power of Attorney.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Great, [My Name]. Nice to see you, young lady. I need you to open a new POA account for me.”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll just need the POA paperwork for our legal department to review.”

Customer: “You can’t open the account right now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have to follow our usual procedure of sending all POAs to Legal.”

Customer: “How long will that take?!”

(I’m confused, as he’s opened several of these with me and has never been bothered about it before.)

Me: “Since it’s still early, probably by the end of the day. Maybe by tomorrow, but I don’t think it will take that long.”

Customer: *hands over the paperwork* “It had better not! The wire’s coming in tomorrow. My new client’s counting on this! I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” *walks out*

(I review the paperwork and spot all sorts of spelling and grammatical errors. I have a bad feeling about this, so I call Legal. They have me scan and email the doc over right away. When they call me back…)

Legal: “Well, congratulations. You found a fraudulent POA!”

Me: “Great.”

(The customer comes back in not ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Where is my account?”

Me: “I talked to our Legal team, and it seems that this POA is fraudulent. Where did this come from?”

Customer: *explodes* “NO, IT’S NOT! This is as real as it gets! This lady emailed me and said she wants to make me POA over five million dollars!”

Me: “Is this one of your regular clients?”

Customer: “No! She emailed me just a couple of days ago. She’s going to wire the funds as soon as I can open an account!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer], but it looks like someone’s trying to scam you. If you’d like to speak to our Legal team—“

Customer: “I AM SWITCHING BANKS!” *stomps out*

(He came back the next day to complain to my boss. I’d just finished giving my boss the whole story from the day before, so when she told him the same thing I did, he stormed out again, screaming at us. A couple of hours later, his secretary came in, apologized, and said that she would review his emails from now on.)

They Need To Invent An App For That

, , | Right | April 2, 2019

Me: *answering phone* “[Bank] on [Street]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”

Me: “Are you looking for a branch near you? I can certainly help you with that.”

Customer: “No, I can’t get to a branch right now. I’m at work.”

Me: “Well, we are open until six. You are more than welcome to put your deposit in the night drop or ATM, if you get here after six.”

Customer: “I want to deposit over the phone.”

Me: “Over the phone?”

Customer: “Yes. I have $40 in cash, and I want to put it in my account.”

Me: “Um… Ma’am, you can’t deposit cash over the phone.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: *face-palm* “Because I need the cash here, in person, in order to deposit it.”

(One of my coworkers starts giggling.)

Customer: “But I have it here with me!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I don’t have the cash here, in my hand, I can’t deposit it. My drawer will be off. I will get in trouble.”

Customer: “So, you can’t help me?”

Me: “Not unless you can find a way to shove the cash through the phone.”

Customer: “FINE. I’ll use the ATM. But this is very bad customer service!” *hangs up*

Me: “Holy crap… [Coworker], you’re on phone duty the rest of the day!”

Unfiltered Story #145998

, | Unfiltered | April 2, 2019

I am the customer in this story.  I have telephoned my bank, because for some reason I am unable to apply for an overdraft via their website.  I explain the problem and eventually get put through to the Overdraft team.

The girl I end up speaking to asks all the usual questions, like name, address, current employment status, annual salary, whether I am a homeowner etc.  Then the conversation goes like this:

Overdraft Agent: Ok (my name), do you know of any impending changes to your situation in the next 12 months that would affect your ability to manage an overdraft.  Things like retirement, or redundancy?

Me (feeling in the mood for mischief): Hey, listen, If I could retire 12 months from now aged just 34 I would happily do so!

Overdraft Agent (now laughing): Yes, that would be lovely, wouldn’t it?

She eventually got me sorted out – I hope I made her smile because of my mischief!

What A Deal!

, , , , , | Right | March 14, 2019

(I stop at the bank and go to a teller to make a large withdrawal for an upcoming purchase.)

Me: “Hi. I need to do a withdraw.” *puts card and PIN in*

Teller: “Okay, what would you like?”

Me: “I need $800. It doesn’t matter what denomination it’s in; it’s for my dealer.”

(A couple seconds of silence pass while it dawns on me what I said.)

Me: “My car dealer.”

Teller: *laughs* “I figured that’s what you meant.”

Me: “Heh, well, I just had to clarify!”

Teller: “Hey, no judging from me!”

(The teller handed me my money and I sheepishly walked out. The new car will be worth the little embarrassment, though!)

Page 4/83First...23456...Last