Hard To Teller What They Meant

, , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I go to my bank to deposit some cash. There is a short queue and while waiting in it for about two minutes, a staff member approaches.)

Staff: “Oh, you’ve been waiting a long time!”

Me: “Not really.”

Staff: “What service do you need?”

Me: “Just need to deposit some folding money; can you do that?”

Staff: “Yes, but I will show you how to use the ATM for that!”

Me: *having had problems with deposit machines before, a loss of $2000 for example* “No, thanks; I prefer to deal with tellers.”

Staff: *shrugs* “Oh, well, if you want to take the risk.” *she walks off*

(Still not sure what “risk” she was implying. I have heard that the bank wants to improve its performance on surveys and reduce complaints by eliminating the number of staff dealings with the public, but that seems a weird way to go about it.)

Make Him Cry All The Way To The Bank(er)

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I’m a banker. We’ve just hired another banker in, and it’s his first day at a desk after finishing his training. I’m on a conference call, and he’s shuffling things around at his desk. I’m female.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]!”

Me: *mutes call* “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Where’s the coffee?”

Me: “Oh, it’s in Commercial Banking.”

Coworker: “Go get me some!”

Me: “Come again?”

Coworker: “Fine. Go get me some, please.”

Me: “I’m on a call right now. It’s really just down the hall, though.”

Coworker: “Gah! I’ll get my own.”

(I go back to my call, slightly confused. A couple of hours later, I’m working on documents for a loan closing.)

Me: *thinking out loud* “So, if they do an automatic payment every month, I can get the interest rate down to 3%…”

(I look up for a second and see him standing in front of my desk.)

Coworker: *insistently* “[My Name]!”

Me: *jumps* “Geez! Where did you come from?”

Coworker: “I need copies made!”

Me: “No problem. I’ll show you where the copier is!”

Coworker: “Can’t you just do it for me? I need ten.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Coworker: “Why not?!”

Me: “I have a lot of appointments this afternoon and a loan closing right at nine tomorrow that I have to get ready for. I can show you where the copier is.”

(He follows me to the copier, muttering under his breath. I don’t think anything of it until I’m pulled aside by our boss the next day.)

Boss: “[Coworker] tells me that you’re not being very helpful.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Boss: “He said you were very rude yesterday in answering his questions.”

Me: “He asked me to get him coffee while I was on that call you wanted me to be on, and to make copies for him while I was preparing for [Customer]’s loan closing.”

Boss: *long pause* “I see. Never mind. Go back to your desk.”

(A couple days later, we both have a meeting with our boss.)

Boss: “…and [My Name], you had a great sales week! You closed that loan and opened several new accounts!”

Coworker: “[My Name] makes sales?!

Me: “Yes! What do you think I’ve been doing all week?”

Coworker: *genuinely shocked* “Are you a banker, like me?”

Me: “What did you think I was?”

Coworker: “Uh, um… I plead the fifth! Can I go back to my desk now?”

(He was much nicer to me after that.)

Let Me Loan You Some Marriage Advice

, , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(This happens when I visit my bank to discuss the possibility of getting a loan.)

Loan Officer: *gives me information about their rates*

Me: “How do those rates compare to the Homeowners’ Line of Credit that I currently have with your bank? I haven’t used it in a very long time, so I’m not sure what its current interest rate is.”

Loan Officer: *checks* “Huh, looks like you’ve got a pretty good rate for your line of credit. It’s almost the same as the other ones I quoted you.”

Me: “Never mind the loan, then. If I decided to borrow money for the project I have in mind, I’ll just use the line of credit. It’s more convenient.”

Loan Officer: “Are you sure? Shouldn’t you discuss this with your husband first?”

Me: “Um, no?”

Loan Officer: “Well, give it some thought. Go home and talk it over with your husband.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(I go home, and as I enter my house, I hear my husband talking on the phone.)

Husband: “No. Whatever my wife told you is what we’ll do. No, I don’t need for her to discuss it with me. Thank you.” *hangs up* “Guess who that was?”

Me:Ugh. You have got to be kidding.”

(The kicker is that the loan officer was a young woman who, apparently, had very old-fashioned ideas about how other women should handle money.)

Cold Hard Cash Meets The Cold Hard Truth

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work at a bank. A customer calls in asking for several overdraft fees back, and only gets an approval for one fee. These fees are accumulated over a period of two weeks.)

Customer: “You should refund all fees. I have the money.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m confused. I do not see any deposits made before or after the charges. The account is still overdrawn.”

Customer: “I have the money in my hands now. I had it weeks ago; I just did not have the time to deposit it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for us to use those funds unless you deposit them. The fees are valid.”

Customer: “But I have the money!” *hangs up*

Questions That Break The Bank

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(I have just had my bat mitzvah and it is common to get money donations as gifts. My dad wants to open an investing account for me, and we need to call our bank’s 24-hour trading line to open it. The person on the other line is asking me questions that are difficult for a 12-year-old, and I constantly have to ask my dad for the answers.)

Bank: “I’m sorry; we need your answer. You can’t be speaking to anyone else.”

Me: “But I’m 12! I don’t know my SIN number off by heart. Can’t I let my dad speak for me?”

Bank: “No, it has to be you.”

Me: “But I can’t answer them without speaking to my dad.”

Bank: “Just answer the question!”

Me: “I don’t know my SIN off by heart. I’m looking for it!”

Bank: “Okay, forget it. How much do you have in the account currently?”

Me: “I don’t know! Let me log in.”

Bank: “I don’t think you’re really [My Name]. I’m freezing the account; you’ll have to come in to prove you’re really [My Name].”

(My dad wrote a letter to corporate, and now there’s a note in my file that says all my personal questions can be answered by me or my dad until I’m 18.)

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