Juices And Staplers And Moles… Oh My!

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Working | March 19, 2017

(I’d made an appointment to meet with an investment specialist at my local bank.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to meet with Mr. [Name]. Is he in?”

Employee: “Well, you’ve got me instead!” *laughs* “Do you mind if I drink my juice?”

Me: “No, go right ahead.”

Employee: “Thanks! I’m on a juice cleanse to lose weight. I miss eating.”

Me: “I bet…”

Employee: “Fruit and veggies are SO expensive! Can you believe how much apples are? They used to be $3/pound, now they’re $5/pound! That adds up, you know?”

Me: “Sure.”

Employee: “Anyway, let’s talk about your finances.”

Me: “Okay!” *thinking “Finally …”*

Employee: *suddenly stares at her arm* “Is that a new mole? Uh-oh!” *stares a bit longer* “Anyway, your finances. Sign here, please, and I’ll just staple the papers— OH, NO!”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “Argh! My coworkers think that it’s FUNNY to hide my stapler. I brought it from another branch, because it’s a great stapler. Technically I guess it was stealing, but I didn’t really TAKE it; I just MOVED it, see? But now I can’t find it and I have to use this crappy stapler.”

Me: “That’s too bad…”

Employee: “People tell me that I’m way too chirpy and friendly to work at a bank, but I just love people! Anyway, that’s all I need from you. Have a great day! Byeeee!”

(I was so glad to get out of there. I just hope that she was actually a bank employee and not some weirdo who wandered in off the street.)

Shredding Your Hopes Of A Deposit

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Working | February 24, 2017

(I made a deposit of $185 in my bank account on Friday night, using the night deposit box. It is now Tuesday, and the deposit has not been applied to my account. Due to overdraft protection, a check I have written is processed in spite of insufficient funds, so I now have a negative balance. I go to the bank several times a week to deposit checks I receive from my clients, so most of the tellers know me. I walk into the bank.)

Teller #1: “Hi! What can I do for you today?”

Me: “Well, I have a problem. I made a deposit on Friday in the deposit box, and the money is not in my account.”

Teller #1: “Okay, was it in an envelope?”

Me: “Yes, with a deposit slip from this checkbook.” *hands her my checkbook*

Teller #1: *looks up my account* “Okay, the good thing about banks is we keep records of everything. If it is here, we will find it.”

(She goes into the back, and several minutes later, a second teller approaches me.)

Teller #2: “How much was your deposit?”

Me: “$185.”

Teller #2: “And when did you make it?”

Me: “Friday night. You had already closed, and I think it might have been 6:30 or 7:00.”

Teller #2: *nods and goes back into the same room as the first teller*

Teller #3: “Hi, [My Name]! How are you today?”

Me: “Well, they are trying to find a deposit I made Friday, but other than that I’m fine.”

Teller #3: “Oh! Well, I’m sure they’ll find it.” *runs off to help them*

(A few minutes later…)

Teller # 1: “We’re going to take the deposit box out, and we’re still looking. Don’t stress about it. Everything will be fine.”

Me: “Okay.”

Teller #1: “We will find it. You know what? How about you sit down over there.” *points* “It’s better than you pacing and worrying here at the counter.”

Me: “Okay.” *sits*

(I wait for several minutes, watching people scurrying back and forth from the vault and listening to Teller #2 and Teller #3 trying to help other customers at the same time that they are looking for my deposit. Finally, Teller #1 comes out to talk to me.)

Teller #1: “Okay. We have eliminated everything except the security camera and the shredder. We are going to go through both, but that will take awhile. So how about you give me more information about what we are looking for and go home, and we will let you know.”

(A little over an hour after I got home, I got a phone call, but I didn’t answer it in time. Soon after, I got a text message from the bank to login to my account. I did, and saw that the balance was adjusted to reflect my deposit and my overdraft fees were removed. This is why I now take pictures of all deposits I make.)

A Typ000

| NJ, USA | Working | February 21, 2017

I work as a check processor for a bank. My job is to look at a picture of a check that someone has taken for mobile deposit, and input the amount to make sure it is correct. You have to input the amount without a decimal, so a $200.00 check is input as 20000. This is all I do, all day, and I am pressured all the time to go faster and faster.

The president of the bank, who usually stays up on the “executive floor,” will sometimes grace us with his presence and pretend to talk to us. He always calls you “buddy” or “friend,” before asking how your day is and immediately walking away while you answer.

One day, I miss-type a check for $200,000.00 and type 20,000,000.00. Luckily the client called and let us know he suddenly had all this money, and the president came down angrily yelling for “Dale” – not my name. Upon hearing that we didn’t have a Dale he just looked at us all and said, “Don’t let it happen again.” I’ve never been so happy to have a boss not even think enough of me to remember my name…

The Bank That Doesn’t Go The Distance

| USA | Working | January 26, 2017

(I recently moved to a city within the same state as my hometown. I had banked with a local credit union my entire life, but the closest branch to my new apartment is over an hour drive away, so I find a new credit union to bank with. It doesn’t go as planned.)

Employee: “Can I ask why you’re switching banks? Are you dissatisfied with our service?”

Me: “No, no, of course not. I’ve been beyond pleased with your services. I’ve even dragged my feet for months to do this because I love banking with you.”

Employee: “Then why the change?”

Me: “I’ve moved a considerable distance. Your closest branch is an hour drive from my home.”

Employee: “Why not make the drive if you like us so much?”

Me: “Well, for starters, I don’t own a car.”

Employee: “Can’t you borrow someone’s?”

Me: “I’m sorry; you seem to not be understanding me. I’m switching banks. Please stop questioning me like this.”

Employee: “I just don’t understand why you’re leaving!”

Me: *completely frustrated* “Because I’m not wasting two hours of my life and a large sum of money to rent a car to do my banking!”

(I eventually got someone else to help me, but I’m still baffled the first employee didn’t understand something as simple as moving!)

Gets The Chest Signal

| Rochester, NY, USA | Right | January 24, 2017

(I am working as a bank teller at the drive-up window. A lady pulls up and I greet her through the speaker.)

Lady: “Can I ask a favor? I can’t find my phone in the car. If I give you my number, will you please call it?”

(I agree, and dial the number. Once it begins to ring, the lady jerks her head up with a shock, eyes wide. She proceeds to reach down her shirt and pull her phone out of her bra.)

Lady: “Found it!”

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