Laughing All The Way To The (Other) Bank

| MA, USA | Working | October 7, 2014

(I have recently received a promotion and bonus, so I’ve decided to open a savings account at the bank where I currently hold a checking account. I’m talking to an account representative at the branch I’ve been using for three years. Because I do not drive I use a state-issued ID card in lieu of a driver’s license as identification.)

Me: “I’d like to open a savings account; I have $[total] to deposit initially.

Representative: “Great! Just fill out these papers and provide your driver’s license.”

(I hand her my ID card.)

Representative: “This isn’t a driver’s license. You need to have a driver’s license to open an account here.”

Me: “That is an official ID issued by the Commonwealth. It’s legally acceptable.”

Representative: “No, it has to be a driver’s license. I’m just asking for the same identification the teller would ask you for!”

Me: “No, the tellers are all aware that both of the ID cards are legally acceptable proof of identification. I don’t have a driver’s license as I cannot drive.”

Representative: “I’m sorry. If you don’t have a driver’s license you won’t be able to open an account today.”

Me: “Oh, well. In that case I’d like to close my account.”

Representative: “…close your account? But you haven’t opened one!”

Me: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I opened account [number] three years ago. However, since you’re no longer accepting my government-issued ID and I will no longer be able to cash my checks here, I’ll be closing that now.”

(I took everything to the bank across the street, and got a better interest rate on my brand-new savings account than I would have done at my former bank.)

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Listening To The Voice Of Reason

| England, UK | Working | October 6, 2014

(I’m trans*, and identify as male. For various reasons, I still sound female. My bank knows this and left a note on my account details, with my permission, explaining this should I ever have to turn up. This guy, however, took the cake. I’d had a couple of transactions show up oddly on the account, so I’ve been in touch with the fraud department to try and work out where they came from. We get the transactions sorted, and then this exchange happens:)

Fraud Guy: “So, [My Name], there’s still a few more issues with this account I’m not happy with. I’d like you to go into [Branch] with ID tomorrow to get it sorted out, if you can.”

Me: “Right. Why? I’m pretty sure I can explain everything else on the account. It was just those three charges.”

Fraud Guy: “I’m just not happy with these other charges, and I’d like you to go into [Branch] with ID to sort this out.”

Me: “Which ones, exactly?”

(He rattles off a bunch of standard transactions and at this point, I’m suspicious. But still, I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Me: “So, again, why do I need to go into [Branch], with ID, to sort this out? The branch knows who I am. H***, they’ve had to deal with me every time I needed to use the account when I didn’t have a card for it for a month. What’s the actual issue here?”

Fraud Guy: “Nothing. We just need you to go into branch with ID and—”

Me: “Because I sound female, right?”

Fraud Guy: “Well…”

Me: “If it’s because I sound female you might as well admit it, and get it over and done with.”

Fraud Guy: “Yes. It’s because you sound female. I’m not happy about…”

(This goes back and forth for another couple of minutes, until eventually he says he wants to speak to his supervisor. This is cool by me, as long as I can speak to the supervisor as well. He leaves and is gone no more than two minutes.)

Fraud Guy: “So, I’ve spoken to my supervisor, and they’ve seen a notice where your name’s been changed and I can see now where the issue was.”

Me: “Mmhmm.”

Fraud Guy: “And to prevent this ever happening again I’m going to leave a note on the account explaining all this…”

Me: “Like… the note that was already there, huh?”

Fraud Guy: “Well, it wasn’t very clear, so I’m just going to put another one in, and hopefully this will never happen again.”

(That notice was so hard to find that he went to speak to his supervisor, and the supervisor looked it up, showed him, spoke to him, and then he managed to come back to explain this all to me… within two minutes. There’s fraud prevention… and then there’s just ignoring everything you have sitting in front of you because the guy’s voice sounds a little strange!)

There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid Answers

| NJ, USA | Right | September 20, 2014

(I work in a bank’s contact center, where we frequently assist online banking customers with various things, including their online security questions.)

Customer: “I’m locked out again! The computer asked me for my oldest sibling’s middle name, so I put my son’s middle name in there, and it said it was wrong!”

Callers In The Night

, | ON, Canada | Related | September 9, 2014

(My husband is from London, England and has moved over to Canada to start a new life with me. Among the many things to sort out, we’re also trying to transfer the money in his London bank account to our joint one here in Canada. My husband is legally blind and can’t read the websites properly, so I’m attempting to make an e-transfer of his money to our account from the internet.)

Me: *clicking away* “So I need the sort code, but I don’t know what that is and it’s saying that the account number I’m using isn’t valid. Do you know what a sort code is?”

Husband: “No.”

Me: “Hmm, all right. I’ll try clicking on the help section.”

(Much to my surprise, the help function acts like a little speech bubble that points to links I need to click and gives me information on each step. I’m genuinely pleased by this and follow the steps until I see something that makes me freeze.)

Me: “Uh oh… OH, S***!”

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Honey, trying to set up a new recipient involves the company CALLING THE PHONE NUMBER ATTACHED TO THE ACCOUNT for verification!”

(The phone number in question? My father-in-law’s house in London! I was doing this at 9:00 at night and London is five hours ahead of us. My father-in-law was woken up by two needless phone calls at two in the morning! Needless to say, my husband and I felt really bad and I questioned this particular bank’s strategy for security.)

Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | September 8, 2014

Customer: “I need help. I’ve locked myself out of my Netflix account and I can’t remember my password.”

Me: “Okay, well you should probably call Netflix and ask them for help.”

Customer: “But how can I get them to stop charging my bank account?”

Me: “Call them and cancel your service.”

Customer: “How do I call them?”

Me: “On a phone.”

Customer: “How do I get their number?”

Me: “Google.”

Related:
Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2
Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

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