Can’t Strip Off Any Charges

, , | | Right | May 23, 2019

(I’m a personal banker. One of the tellers has just sent a customer over to my desk, as he’s insisting that his balance is lower than it should be. Note: I’m female. Both the customer and I are in our 20s.)

Me: “Good morning! So, you have a question about your account balance?”

Customer: “Yes. When I checked my online banking this morning, I saw charges on there that look a little weird. I think someone hacked my account.”

Me: “No problem. I can look into that for you. I just need to see your ID so I can look up your account.”

(He hands it over, and I pull up his account. I see 10 to 15 charges over a two-day period from multiple adult establishments and bars in another state. I can feel myself starting to blush. Since there are other customers around, I can’t blurt out what I’ve found, so I decide to try jogging his memory.)

Me: “Ah… I think I’ve got some answers for you.”

Customer: “What? What is it?”

Me: “Sir, did you travel to [State] on [dates]?”

Customer: “Sure did. It was my buddy’s bachelor party!”

Me: “Okay, it looks like these charges are coming from [State]. What sort of… um… places did you visit in [State]?”

Customer: “To be honest, I can’t remember.” *laughs* “Are they charges from bars?”

Me: “Yes, there are a few of those.”

Customer: “Okay, those are probably mine. What other places are coming up?”

Me: “Let me turn my computer screen around and I’ll show you.”

Customer: “Why? You can just tell me.”

Me: “I’m really not comfortable with that.”

(I turn my computer screen to face him and wordlessly point at each charge.)

Customer: “I didn’t do those. Nope. Not me.”

Me: “So, you made the charge at [Bar] at 1:00 am, but you didn’t make the charge at… ah… this other place–.” *points at strip club name on the screen* “—at 1:45 am? Did one of your friends get a hold of your card?”

Customer: “D*** it! Okay, I am responsible for all those charges! I remember them! But I didn’t get what I was after. Services were not as described. Can I dispute the charges if that’s the case?”

(My face is now undeniably bright red.)

Me: “Ah, well… since you admit to freely making the charge and using their… services, you’ll have a hard time getting the fraud department to refund your money. I can call them for you and file a dispute, but no guarantees.”

Customer: “Hmm… can you refund the money?”

Me: “I’m not authorized to do that. And even if I was, you just admitted to me that you made the charges yourself so I wouldn’t be allowed to.”

Customer: “FINE. Just leave them. I still think I should get a refund. Services not as described.”

(He walks out. The teller who sent him over emails me.)

Teller: “What were all those charges?”

Me: “Bars and strip clubs. He says services weren’t as described.”

Teller: “EW! I’m so sorry I ever sent him over!”

Always Lives Up To It

, , , , , , | | Right | May 22, 2019

(This happens literally every time this customer comes into the bank:)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “I’m well, and you?”

Me: “Good, thanks! What can I do for you?”

(Then, there’s more small talk as I do his transaction.)

Customer: “I think I saw you the other day on [Street]. I didn’t know you lived there.”

Me: “No, that wasn’t me; I don’t live over there.”

Customer: “Oh, well, where do you live?”

Me: “…”

(I give him a different answer about where I live every single time. It’s never the correct street or even near my house, yet he asks me where I live every time he sees me. No.)

Can’t Account For That Much Stupidity

, , , | | Right | May 17, 2019

(I work in a bank and I answer a call.)

Caller: “What do I need if I want to set up direct deposit?”

Me: “You’d need to give your company HR the routing number to the bank and your account number.”

Caller: “I don’t have an account with you guys, though.”

Me: “Okay, let me make sure I’m understanding you correctly. Your company wants to pay you directly, by directly depositing your paycheck? And you need to know how to do that?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Yeah, you’d need the routing number and account number.”

Caller: “Is there any way to do this without an account?”

Me: *pause* “No, you’d need an account to have money direct deposited into an account.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, thanks. How much does it cost to open a checking account?”

(I told him, got off the phone, and banged my head on my desk.)

Maybe He’s Your Uncle?

, , , , | | Right | May 8, 2019

(My wife works in a bank as a teller. They are required to always be smiling and helpful to their members. My wife relayed this little gem to me today after she got home from work. The customer in question is in his mid-twenties.)

Customer: “I’d like to deposit this in my account.” *shoves a wad of crumpled up bills under the window*

Teller: “Of course, sir… May I have your account number, please?”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t know my account number.”

Teller: “Not a problem, sir; I can look it up for you. May I have your social security number?”

Customer: “I… um… I don’t know it.”

Teller: “That’s all right; I can find it by your name.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Teller: “…”

Customer: *silent*

Teller: “Sir… may I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Oh… yeah… okay… It’s Bob.”

Teller: “Bob?”

Customer: “Yeah, Bob.”

Teller: “May I please have your last name, Bob?”

Customer: “Huh?”

(At this point, I cut her off. This is why I wouldn’t be able to work a job like that anymore. I would NOT be able to sit there quietly, smiling, and continue to help this man. I’d be fired.)

Someone’s Parents Are About To Receive A Nice Surprise

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2019

(I’m a thirty-year-old woman who has always looked young for my age. I’ve recently moved to a small town and am enjoying the more personal, casual service at local businesses. I go to make a deposit at the bank and simply give them my name.)

Teller: “Sure thing. Will that be all today?”

Me: “Yep, thank you.” *turns to go*

Teller: *after I’ve taken three steps away* “By the way, do you want that to go in your parents’ account?”

Me: *deer-in-the-headlights look* “My… parents live overseas.”

(And that’s how I learned that I share a name with a local teenager. I always gave my account number after that.)

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