Plan Ruined By A Single Response

, , , , , | Romantic | December 4, 2017

(I am a teller at a bank. An elderly man comes up to my window.)

Elderly Man: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Elderly Man: “Are you married?”

(Older customers tend to be chatty, so I’m used to this line of questions.)

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Elderly Man: “Are you single?”

Me: *getting slightly weirded out by the way he’s looking at me* “Yes.”

Elderly Man: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

(At this point, I’m just ready for him to go, and I’ve finished his transaction.)

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Elderly Man: “Oh, too bad. I was going to kidnap you.” *calmly walks away*

(Apparently having a boyfriend means I can’t be kidnapped!)

Hard To Teller What They Meant

, , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I go to my bank to deposit some cash. There is a short queue and while waiting in it for about two minutes, a staff member approaches.)

Staff: “Oh, you’ve been waiting a long time!”

Me: “Not really.”

Staff: “What service do you need?”

Me: “Just need to deposit some folding money; can you do that?”

Staff: “Yes, but I will show you how to use the ATM for that!”

Me: *having had problems with deposit machines before, a loss of $2000 for example* “No, thanks; I prefer to deal with tellers.”

Staff: *shrugs* “Oh, well, if you want to take the risk.” *she walks off*

(Still not sure what “risk” she was implying. I have heard that the bank wants to improve its performance on surveys and reduce complaints by eliminating the number of staff dealings with the public, but that seems a weird way to go about it.)

Make Him Cry All The Way To The Bank(er)

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I’m a banker. We’ve just hired another banker in, and it’s his first day at a desk after finishing his training. I’m on a conference call, and he’s shuffling things around at his desk. I’m female.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]!”

Me: *mutes call* “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Where’s the coffee?”

Me: “Oh, it’s in Commercial Banking.”

Coworker: “Go get me some!”

Me: “Come again?”

Coworker: “Fine. Go get me some, please.”

Me: “I’m on a call right now. It’s really just down the hall, though.”

Coworker: “Gah! I’ll get my own.”

(I go back to my call, slightly confused. A couple of hours later, I’m working on documents for a loan closing.)

Me: *thinking out loud* “So, if they do an automatic payment every month, I can get the interest rate down to 3%…”

(I look up for a second and see him standing in front of my desk.)

Coworker: *insistently* “[My Name]!”

Me: *jumps* “Geez! Where did you come from?”

Coworker: “I need copies made!”

Me: “No problem. I’ll show you where the copier is!”

Coworker: “Can’t you just do it for me? I need ten.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Coworker: “Why not?!”

Me: “I have a lot of appointments this afternoon and a loan closing right at nine tomorrow that I have to get ready for. I can show you where the copier is.”

(He follows me to the copier, muttering under his breath. I don’t think anything of it until I’m pulled aside by our boss the next day.)

Boss: “[Coworker] tells me that you’re not being very helpful.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Boss: “He said you were very rude yesterday in answering his questions.”

Me: “He asked me to get him coffee while I was on that call you wanted me to be on, and to make copies for him while I was preparing for [Customer]’s loan closing.”

Boss: *long pause* “I see. Never mind. Go back to your desk.”

(A couple days later, we both have a meeting with our boss.)

Boss: “…and [My Name], you had a great sales week! You closed that loan and opened several new accounts!”

Coworker: “[My Name] makes sales?!

Me: “Yes! What do you think I’ve been doing all week?”

Coworker: *genuinely shocked* “Are you a banker, like me?”

Me: “What did you think I was?”

Coworker: “Uh, um… I plead the fifth! Can I go back to my desk now?”

(He was much nicer to me after that.)

Let Me Loan You Some Marriage Advice

, , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(This happens when I visit my bank to discuss the possibility of getting a loan.)

Loan Officer: *gives me information about their rates*

Me: “How do those rates compare to the Homeowners’ Line of Credit that I currently have with your bank? I haven’t used it in a very long time, so I’m not sure what its current interest rate is.”

Loan Officer: *checks* “Huh, looks like you’ve got a pretty good rate for your line of credit. It’s almost the same as the other ones I quoted you.”

Me: “Never mind the loan, then. If I decided to borrow money for the project I have in mind, I’ll just use the line of credit. It’s more convenient.”

Loan Officer: “Are you sure? Shouldn’t you discuss this with your husband first?”

Me: “Um, no?”

Loan Officer: “Well, give it some thought. Go home and talk it over with your husband.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(I go home, and as I enter my house, I hear my husband talking on the phone.)

Husband: “No. Whatever my wife told you is what we’ll do. No, I don’t need for her to discuss it with me. Thank you.” *hangs up* “Guess who that was?”

Me:Ugh. You have got to be kidding.”

(The kicker is that the loan officer was a young woman who, apparently, had very old-fashioned ideas about how other women should handle money.)

Cold Hard Cash Meets The Cold Hard Truth

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work at a bank. A customer calls in asking for several overdraft fees back, and only gets an approval for one fee. These fees are accumulated over a period of two weeks.)

Customer: “You should refund all fees. I have the money.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m confused. I do not see any deposits made before or after the charges. The account is still overdrawn.”

Customer: “I have the money in my hands now. I had it weeks ago; I just did not have the time to deposit it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for us to use those funds unless you deposit them. The fees are valid.”

Customer: “But I have the money!” *hangs up*

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