Talking Eurotrash

| Newcastle, England, UK | Working | October 28, 2015

(I’m living in England but I’m from Ireland. I ring the foreign exchange department of an English bank to find the exchange rate for an upcoming trip home.)

Me: “Hi, I need the current exchange rate for euro, please.”

Foreign Exchange Employee: “What country, please?”

Me: “Ireland.”

Foreign Exchange Employee: “The currency in Ireland is sterling so there’s no exchange rate.”

Me: “Not Northern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland!”

Foreign Exchange Employee: “The currency in the Dominican Republic is the peso. Exchange rate is—”

Me: “Not the Dominican Republic! The Republic of Ireland! It’s the euro! How can you work in foreign exchange and you haven’t heard of the euro? It’s a huge currency!”

Foreign Exchange Employee: “…”

Me: “France. Just give me the exchange rate for France…”

Doesn’t Take Account Of The Line

| RI, USA | Right | October 11, 2015

(I have just got home from college out of state. I have opened an account with a new bank while at college, but want to move my money into an account in my home state with the same bank.)

Teller: “Okay, so you want to open an account here and transfer your savings. Would you please have a seat in our waiting area? Someone will be right with you.”

(I go to sit down. I’m the only one there, so I figure I’m next. Five minutes later, a filthy older man comes in and sits down in a chair nearby, reeking of beer and muttering to himself.)

Man: “D*** b**** better keep her god-d*** mouth shut… Can’t take it… Can’t… F***** b****… Doesn’t respect me… No respect… Never get respect. He better shut his f***** mouth… I’ll kill him… Got enough bullets… I’ll get him… I’ll get that b****… Talkin’ about me… Teach her to keep her d*** mouth shut…”

(He continues to mutter to himself as I remain as still and quiet as I can. An employee walks out to smile at me, having seen me sit down first. The man gets up and instantly walks to her.)

Man: “I need help with my account… It’s busted…”

Employee #1: “Oh… um, okay… Right this way…” *looks to me and mouths ‘sorry!’ as they go into her cubicle*

(Five minutes later…)

Employee #2: “Hey, I’m so sorry about that… He comes in every week and just… Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay. If he honestly believed that he was first in line, I was NOT going to tell him otherwise.”

Employee: *nods, looking scared*

Your Late Fate Is Sealed

| Chippenham, England, UK | Working | October 2, 2015

(My dad has decided to get me an under-sixteen’s bank card. We have arrived around fifteen minutes late.)

Bank Employee #1: “I’m sorry, but as you have arrived late, we will have to reschedule your appointment for later in the week.”

Dad: “No. We live in [Town half-an-hour’s drive away]. We can’t just go back. Where’s [The Young Savers Employee]?”

Bank Employee #1: “I’ll fetch her now.”

(He goes away. A few minutes later, Bank Employee #2 turns up.)

Bank Employee #2: “I’m sorry that we’ve had to reschedule your appointment, but we did phone you and I waited for at least fifteen minutes.”

Dad: “Which number did you call?”

Bank Employee #2: “The only one we were given.”

Dad: “Yes, but which number?”

Bank Employee #2: “The only one we were given.”

Dad: “What was the number?”

Bank Employee #2: “The number I called was a [our area code] one.”

Dad: “You mean the house phone? It didn’t occur to you that we might not be there ten minutes before the appointment?”

Bank Employee #2: “I called the only number we were given.”

(Several repetitions of much the same BS later…)

Dad: “So you called our home number, waited five minutes, then gave our appointment to someone else? Forget it. Come on, [My Name], let’s not waste any more time here.”

(We walk out, then Dad turns and goes back in.)

Dad: “Hey, what time did you say you gave our appointment to someone else?”

Employee #1: “Um, about twenty past.”

Dad: “Yeah? We were waiting in the queue here at twenty past, mate, so yeah, keep your story consistent. Thanks for lying to me, mate!”

(We went down to the bank a few doors down, which I also had an account with. In twenty minutes, we had registered for a debit card and left.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 44

, | SC, USA | Right | September 25, 2015

Customer: “I have your mobile app… I know I can take a picture of a check and make a deposit that way. But I want to know how to make a mobile withdrawal…”

Me: “You want to know if you can make a mobile withdrawal?”

Customer: “Yes. I can’t figure out any way to do that.”

Me: “Well, sir, there is no way to do that because you would have to go to an ATM or into a branch to get actual cash.”

Customer: “But I’m not at an ATM and your branch is closed. I want to deposit this check through the app and get cash right now.”

Me: “Well sir, frankly, technology hasn’t gotten to the point where mobile phones can print – and even at that, printing money, unless done by the government, is illegal.”

Customer: “So I can’t make a mobile withdrawal?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “That’s stupid.” *click*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 43
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 42
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

The Long And Overdrawn Way Of Doing It

| TX, USA | Working | September 24, 2015

(I’ve accidentally overdrawn my bank account. The nearest credit union location is currently 60 miles away so I open my mobile banking app to do a picture based deposit of a check I received to cover my overdraft. The mobile deposit feature is missing.)

Credit Union: “Hi, how can we help you?”

Me: “Hi. I am trying to make a deposit but the mobile deposit feature on my phone app seems to be missing.”

Credit Union: “Yes, looking at your account it seems your account is overdrawn by $xx.xx so we disabled certain features in your mobile app.”

Me: “Let me see if I understand this correctly. I owe you money so you disable my ability to give you the money I owe you?”

Credit Union: “It is our standard policy to disable certain features of the mobile app for accounts that are overdrawn.”

Me: “Does this even seem logical to you?”

Credit Union: “It is our standard policy to disable certain features of the mobile app for accounts that are overdrawn.”

Me: *slowly like I’m dealing with a child* “Okaaay. Since I can’t drive the 60 miles to get to the nearest credit union right now can you recommend an alternative way to make a deposit?”

Credit Union: “Sure, I can help with that. Let me have your zip code so I can look up the nearest credit union.”

Me: *face-palming, knowing the answer coming up next* “Sure it’s [zip code].”

Credit Union: “Okay, it looks like the nearest credit union for [Different Brand Chain] is 60 miles away, or the nearest branch of our chain is 360 miles away.”

Me: “Yes, I know. As I said already I can’t drive that distance right now. Do you have another suggestion for making a deposit? Perhaps I could mail it to you?”

Credit Union: “Yes, you can mail a deposit to us at [Address].”

Me: “I would just like to recap this conversation… So, I owe you money and you disable my ability to give you money right away, and instead I’m forced to mail the check to you via the post office so that it takes many more days to get the money I owe you. And this is your preferred method of business?”

Credit Union: “It is our standard policy to disable certain features of the mobile app for accounts that are overdrawn.”

Me: *click*

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