Missing A Few Brain Cells… And A Husband

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | October 19, 2016

(I work in the fraud detection department for a major credit union. My job involves making outbound calls to customers to verify out of pattern transactions that have generally already been confirmed to be fraud by our system and closing the card once the customer has been contacted.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] with [Credit Union]. May I please speak with Mr. [Customer]?”

Wife: “He’s my husband; he’s not here right now. Do you want to leave a message?”

(I see the wife isn’t on the account so legally I cannot give her any information.)

Me: “We just need to verify some information with him. Can you ask him to give us a call back?”

Wife: “Well, I don’t know. Have you seen him recently?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Wife: “He hasn’t been home in two months. I think he might be dead. Have you seen him?”

Me: “Um… have you called the police yet?”

Wife: “No, do you think I should?”

Me: “Yes, I do!”

Wife: “Okay, I’ll do that. Bye bye.”

(I then sat in stunned silence for a few minutes.)

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 4

, | WI, USA | Right | October 3, 2016

(I take customer service calls for a bank, and occasionally we have individuals that call in mistaking us for a credit card company. Most of the time when this happens we can simply correct their mistake and send them on their way. This was not one of those individuals.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] with [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m trying to make a damn credit card payment!”

Me: “All right! As much as I would like to help you with that, this is [Bank] not [Credit Card Company]. Don’t worry, it’s a common mistake when you search for the number over the Internet. If you just look at the back of your card–”

Caller: “—NO! I’ve been trying to make a credit card payment for the last half hour, and I’m not playin’ anymore. Either you take my damn payment or transfer me to a supervisor!”

Me: *short pause* “As I’ve stated, this is [Bank] and neither I nor any of my management staff can process a payment on your card. If you just look at the back of your card–”

(Interrupts again.)

Caller: “F*** you!”

Me: “Excuse me?” *obligatory statement about call being recorded and policy on profanity, which caller interrupts*

Caller: “Process my f***ing payment! I called the number on the back of the card and I ain’t holding anymore! Process my payment or I’m gonna find you and f*** you up!”

Me: “So you called the number on the back of your card, got frustrated, hung up, and called [Bank] instead to have a payment for [Credit Card] processed?”

Caller: “YES! So are you gonna process my payment or are we gonna have a f***ing problem?”

Me: “Sir, do you go to McDonald’s, order a pizza, and expect them to make one?”

Caller: “What the f*** does that have to do with processing my payment?”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Caller: “You gonna have a f***ed up d—”

Me: *click*

 

That’s One For The Log

, | PA, USA | Right | September 20, 2016

(I work in a call center for a financial institution; I receive some pretty interesting phone calls. I’m paranoid about submitting too many and getting fired, but I thought this small one might be funny.)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: *says immediately without pulling up his account information* “I’m looking at my login ID screen.”

Me: *silence to make sure I don’t interrupt him, expecting to hear more about the problem* “Okay. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I can’t log in.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 56

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | September 20, 2016

(I work at a bank. My caller does not understand why the $2500 cheque she deposited was returned, and now she owes the bank.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, the cheque was fraudulent, and there was nowhere to receive the funds so we had to withdraw the money from your account.”

Customer: “But why do I have to pay back if the cheque was a fake cheque?”

Me: “…because you spent all the money.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I did not know it was a fraudulent cheque.”

(This is BS, because she withdrew $2000 as soon as she deposited and then another $500 the next day.)

Me: “Yes, but you still spent the money, so you should go back to the person that gave you the cheque and ask him to give you a new one. Then you can simply deposit it again and you will be fine.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, I don’t know where to find him since he left the country, but I don’t think I should be paying this money back because it was not my fault.”

Me: “Ma’am… did you spend the money or did someone else?”

Customer: “I spent it.”

Me: “Then you have to pay it back.”

Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

 

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Bays

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Right | September 20, 2016

(It is the last call of the night. The customer is in California.)

Customer: “You sound like you are from the Bay Area.”

Me: “That is funny, seeing I am on the other side of the country in Florida.”

Customer: “Of course, you sound like you are from there.”

Me: “From Florida?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I don’t sound Spanish or country or like a snow bird.”

Customer: “No, but you sound middle-class.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “But it is my birthday; follow me on instagram.”

Page 14/62First...1213141516...Last
« Previous
Next »