Cash Crashed

| Port Jervis, NY, USA | Friendly | November 20, 2015

(It’s Sunday and my bank has an ATM that’s just inside the building, but not inside the actual bank. To get in, you insert your debit card and open the door, kind of like a hotel. I was going to make a deposit, as I’m primarily paid in cash. There’s another lady in there using the ATM.)

Lady: “What are you doing here?”

Me: “I just need to use the ATM; I’ll wait until you’re done.”

Lady: “But, what are you DOING here? The bank’s closed!”

Me: “I can see that ma’am. I just want to use the ATM.”

Lady: “Why are you here? You can’t be here. The bank is closed!”

Me: “Ma’am, I got in the same way you did, with my card. I’m just going to use the ATM after you’re finished.”

(The lady just looks at me a moment, looks back at the ATM, and then back at me.)

Lady: “But why are you here?”

Common Sense Takes A Holiday

| FL, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank]; how may I direct your call?”

Elderly Customer: “So today is not a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we are open.”

Elderly Customer: “Well, I tried to call my doctor’s office and they aren’t answering. Are you sure it’s not a holiday?”

Me:“Yes, ma’am, I am positive that it is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “I was wondering why you would be answering the phone if it was a holiday.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you today is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “Is Monday a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, there are no bank holidays at all this month.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Elderly Customer: “Why won’t my doctor answer the phone?”

Wasn’t Banking On The Wrong Store

| Burlington, MA, USA | Right | November 19, 2015

(Everyone at my branch says the name of our bank and the street we’re on when we answer the phone. Not everyone pays attention.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank] on [Street]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, where are you at?”

Me: “[Address]?”

Customer: “No, what’s the landmark?”

Me: “We’re in the [Supermarket] plaza.”

(The customer hangs up on me, only to call back half an hour later.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling the [Street] branch of [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah I’m at [Plaza]. Do I have to go into another store to get to you or something?”

Coworker: “No. We’re right between [Store A] and [Store B].”

(The customer hangs up on her and calls back two minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank] on [Street]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Where the h*** are you?! I’m standing in front of [Two Stores Down] and I. Do. Not. See. You!”

Me: “We’re right between [Store A] and [Store B]. Look straight down.”

Customer: *seriously pissed off* “NO! The only thing between [stores A and B] IS [BANK]! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Me: “This is [Bank].”

Customer: “What. No you’re not. I called [Cell Phone Store].”

Me: “Um, no. This is definitely [Bank].”

Customer: “Oh, F*** YOU!” *click*

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Married To The Job

| Denver, CO, USA | Working | November 7, 2015

(I am a receptionist at a bank.)

Me: *answering phone* “Good morning! This is Banker’s Life!”

(Next call.)

Friend: “Good morning! This is Banker’s Life!”

(Next call.)

Friend: “Good morning! This is the banker’s wife! Um… oh, dear!”

Opening His Account And His Mouth

| IL, USA | Romantic | October 31, 2015

(I am opening an account for a high school age kid. He has been attempting to hit on me the entire time. I’m in my 20s, but have been told many times that I look to be about 18, so I’m used to this, but this kid is starting to get on my nerves. He’s been at my desk for 40 minutes. I set up the account half listening to his attempts to impress me, and am trying to politely get him out.)

Me: “So, looking at your ID makes me feel really old.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, why?”

Me: “Because you were born in [year]. See, I was born [seven years earlier], so the fact that someone seven years younger than me just opened a bank account makes me feel very old. Speaking of which, your account is all ready to go. Do you have any questions about it?”

Customer: “I’m feeling old today, too! My back and my legs hurt! I think it’s because I play sports. Football, basketball, MMA fighting… Yeah, I do it all.”

(This kid is shorter than I am and quite skinny.)

Me: “MMA? Seriously?”

Customer: “Uh-huh. Impressive, right?” *grins*

Me: “I have a cousin that does MMA for real. He’s about the size of three of you.”

Customer: “Well… uh… I’m small, but I’m quick! You have to watch out for me!”

(The kid did not stick around much longer after that.)

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