No ID, No Idea

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2010

Customer: “So how long will it take to receive my new debit card?”

Me: “Five to seven days.”

Customer: “How will I make sure no one uses my card?”

Me: “Although there is no 100% foolproof way, you can start by writing ‘SEE ID’ on the back of the card so merchants can cross-reference it with your ID for each transaction.”

Customer: “Oh! I can’t do that. I do a lot of transactions online and they won’t be able to see my ID.”

*long, awkward pause*

Customer: “Never mind, just pretend I didn’t just say that.”

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Magnetic Lines Of Farce

, , , | Right | April 8, 2010

(An elderly customer we have orders a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [Credit Card Company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”

Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”

Me: “What exactly is wrong with it, ma’am?”

Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”

Me: “How can you tell this?”

Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”

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You Drive Me Crazy

, , | Right | February 22, 2010

(A customer is trying to make a deposit through the drive-up part of the branch, but he’s on foot. Note that we also have a small lobby for walk-in customers.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is for cars only. Can you come inside so we can process your transaction?”

Customer: “What difference does it make?”

Me: “It’s against our policy for customers to be on foot at the drive-up window.”

(The customer walks backward, puts his hands as if he was steering a car and walks up to the window again.)

Customer: “VROOM, VROOM! I’m in a car now. Will you help me?”


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Credit X-Rating

, , , | Right | February 11, 2010

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a loan. What do I need to do?”

(I take her information over the phone and tell her that after I review it I will give her a call back with any questions that I have. The customer calls back 10 minutes later.)

Me: “I’m sorry Ms. [Customer]. I have not been able to completely finish, but so far it looks like we would not be able to proceed with the loan.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “From what it looks like, there are quite a few collections from [adult subscriptions] and [p*rn site subscriptions] that are dropping your score.”

Customer: “That cannot be! I would know if I had wanted things like that!”

Me: “From your application, I notice that you also have a teenage son that lives with you.”

Customer: “D***! I knew that it was too good of him to get the mail for me!” *click*

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How About Ten To The Durrrrr

, , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want to withdraw ten-hundred dollars.”

Me: “Ten-hundred? Is that one thousand?”

Customer: “Don’t say that so loud! I don’t want people to think I’m getting one thousand. That’s why I said ten-hundred!”

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