Customer: *placing coin in front of me* “This is a dollar.”
Me: “That’s a quarter.”
Customer: “Right, a quarter dollar.”
Me: “Yes, a quarter dollar.”
Customer: “So which is it, a quarter or a dollar?”
Me: “It’s a quarter.”
Customer: “Then why does it say quarter dollar?”
Me: “Because it’s a quarter of a dollar.”
Customer: *uproarious laughter*
Me: “I wasn’t kidding.”
Customer: *leaves looking extremely disappointed*
Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “Not too good. My bowel movements are very loose.”
Me: *speechless*
(I work in the personnel assistance phone queue. Basically, it means I take escalated calls from angry customers.)
Customer: “My deposit is missing.”
Me: “Okay, was it a branch deposit or an ATM deposit?”
Customer: “I went through the drive-through at your bank branch and made my deposit. It’s not in my flipping account yet and I need it now!”
Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to take a look at it. What’s your account number?”
Customer: “Well, I don’t have an account with your bank…”
(I’m at the bank with my wife. I approach the information desk to submit some forms.)
Teller: “Good morning sir, do you have your account number?”
Me: “No, I don’t, but I can give you–”
(Without missing a beat, my wife suddenly cuts in and states my entire account number from memory.)
Me: *surprised* “Yes, I do.”
Member: “Can you refund the overdraft fee you guys charged me? I’m a struggling single mother and my kids won’t be able to eat tonight unless you refund that. Do you want my children to starve?”
Me: “I will be happy to look into that for you. Was the most recent transaction fraudulent or otherwise improper?”
Member: “No.”
(I look at the account to see that she has overdrafted her account due to a $300 purchase at the Coach Outlet. Not exactly a prudent purchase for a struggling single mother.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I will not be able to refund that fee for you at this time.”
Member: “My children are going to go to bed hungry tonight! I hope you sleep well tonight with that on your mind!” *hangs up*
