(I am a bank teller in 2001. It’s important to note that this is a small grocery store branch so in that setting your coworkers are literally standing right next to you most of the time. A man approaches my window.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I lost my debit card and had to cancel it. What can I do to get a new one?”

Me: “That’s no problem. I can print out a form for us to fill out here and send it in for you. It can take up to 7-10 business days to process and it will be mailed to your address.”

Customer: “What?! That’s too long. I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is here in the branch we can make you an ‘instant’ ATM card today but unfortunately they only work at ATMs. You would not be able to use it to make purchases but you can still get one of those in the meantime while you wait for the new debit card.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is you can cash a check here with us to get money. I can even print a counter check for you if you don’t have any checks.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is if you have a credit card you can make your daily purchases with that and then pay the balance daily to avoid any interest.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: *dumbfounded and out of ideas; those really are all the options* “Okay… well… I’m… sorry?”

Customer: *says nothing, walks off*

(I found out later that he had come back and complained about my “attitude” to my branch manager who was not there at the time. My coworker, who was standing right next to me during the entire exchange, backed me up. She said I was nothing but polite and helpful and the man simply wasn’t interested in working with us to get his problem resolved. She saved me from possibly getting written up.)

Me: *answers phone* “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “But who am I calling?”

Me: “[Bank].”

Customer: “Well, I wanted to call [Other Bank].”

Me: “Um… okay?”

Customer: “Give me their number!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Bank]. I don’t have the other bank’s number.”

Customer: “Can’t you just transfer me?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Again, this is [Bank].”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just transfer me! I want to talk to [Other Bank]!”

Me: “There’s no way for me to transfer you. I don’t have their number because we are not that bank.”

Customer: “Fine! When I talk to [Other Bank] I will file a complaint about you!” *hangs up*

(One of my work duties is a monthly bank deposit of the miscellaneous cash collected by various departments on our campus. This usually involves a very large stack of small bills. This time, the teller isn’t familiar with my company and my routine.)

Bank Teller: “Good morning; how can I help you?”

Me: “Deposit to [account number], please.”

(I start taking bundles of $1 and $5 bills out of my briefcase; almost $4000 total.)

Bank Teller: “Lots of singles; did you have a fair or something?”

Teller #2: *drops a tray of coins* “What?!”

Bank Teller: “I asked if he had a fair. Like a carnival or something. That’s a lot of small bills.”

Teller #2: “Oh, god, I thought you asked him if he was having an affair.”

Me: “I’m not, but if either of you is offering…”

(I am about five or so years old, and spend most of my time with my Nana while my mother is at work. We’re running errands and currently at a bank.)

Teller: “All right, Annamarie, please sign here and you’ll be good to go!”

Me: *piping up from below the counter* “Her name isn’t Annamarie; it’s Nana!”

(I was doubly confused because my middle name is the same as my Nana’s first. Needless to say it was also the day I learned ‘mommy’ wasn’t my mother’s name!)

(While I’m processing a deposit:)

Me: “So, how’s your morning going so far?”

Customer: *cheerfully matter-of-fact* “Oh, good. No dead babies this morning!”

Me: “I… don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: “I was helping give birth to goat babies at five am this morning.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: *after he leaves* “Why would you say that?!”